(Closed) No kids wedding?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
588 posts
Busy bee

Say due to limited venue space and budget restrictions we are not able to have children at the wedding.  That’s it.  It’s your wedding.  Don’t let anyone pressure you into doing anything you don’t want to.  We put a note on our wedding website about not having children there. 

Post # 4
Member
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

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madscientist:  We put it on our website and only addressed invitations to the adults in the family. We are doing RSVPs through the website and made sure that the FAQ section (with info about kids) was prominant before the RSVP function. If someone tries to RSVP including children, we will follow up with them directly and let them know. This is the paragraph from our website:

“Due to the nature of the venue, we are planning for the wedding to be an adult event. If you have questions or need assistance finding childcare in (our city), please let us know. We have connections to people here who have children and can make suggestions of trusted babysitters. We apologize for any inconveinence but hope that you are able to enjoy an evening of letting your hair down!”

Post # 5
Member
881 posts
Busy bee

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madscientist:  Not okay to state that children aren’t allowed at the wedding on the invite. I’d stand up to your inlaws and say what 
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Timshel:  did. You can’t have them. Period. 

If it were my inlaws and they were acting like this, I would tell them to book a babysitter for their precious princess, or suggest that they arrange for the older cousins to watch the younger cousins in a hotel room. And make sure you make it clear that if any children show up, there won’t be any place for them at the reception. 

And if people don’t come because a 3 year old isn’t invited, then you probably didn’t want them there anyways.

Post # 6
Member
328 posts
Helper bee

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madscientist:  Do what works for you, not what strangers on the internet tell you is The Right Way. I’d personally put it on your wedding website if you have one, or spread the news via word of mouth. If necessary, you can always do the “we have reserved X seats in your honor” and/or have a separate line on the RSVP cards for each invitee– so instead of the blank line where people usually write in who’s attending, have one for Mr. Doe to check off “attending” or “decline” and a separate line for Mrs. Doe to do the same. If people still don’t get the message, and they tell you they’re bringing kids, give them a polite phone call to explain why you couldn’t invite kids.

Post # 7
Member
337 posts
Helper bee

Agree you should do what works for you and generally I prefer kid-free weddings. However, with a wedding so close to Christmas, I would expect a lot of people may be traveling already with their children for the holidays and might find it harder to find someone to watch their kids (as those people might be traveling too). I would probably mention it on your website, if you have one, and spead it by word of mouth so people have time to plan. 

Post # 8
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

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penguinwapi:  What a great way to word it!  Well done

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madscientist:  My daughter had a New Years Eve wedding and we reserved 3 college age babysitters to be available at the hotel where we had a block of rooms.  Although the vast majority of people were from out of town (30 rooms booked at the hotel), we didn’t have anyone who needed childcare.  But NYE might be a time when people are thinking of a night out without kids anyway.

Post # 9
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I put an FAQ section on my wedding website “Are the kids invited? Although we love your children, this is an adult only event – the venue is right on the water and just isn’t safe for the little ones.”  – Fortunately my venue is on the ocean and really isn’t safe for children 🙂 🙂

Post # 10
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee

I don’t think my family would have done an Out of Town wedding at Christmas without us as kids. Like, Christmas Day is exhausting for lots of people even if their family is local. Then, the following day the parents have to find someone to babysit their kids so they can drive/fly elsewhere? And isn’t the 28th a Wednesday?

Any other date, I’d say go for it, but parents with kids on Christmas break cannot travel easily. 

Post # 11
Member
8480 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

How Out of Town are we talking? I had a child free wedding myself, but expecting people to travel long distances and then leave their kids behind is kind of a bit much. And yeah, a Wednesday during christmas break is going to make that even harder IMO.

Post # 12
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Whether it is proper etiquette or not, we stated “Although we love the little ones, this is an adult-only affair” and then proceded to address envelopes and RSVPs to clearly indicate 1 or 2 seats being reserved for each guest. We are not having a flower girl/ring bearer either, so literally NO children. 

For people who have an issue, honestly, that’s okay. Don’t come. But if you’d like to have some adult fun sans your kids, then let’s party!!

Tell them they can see the kids one of the other 364 days of the year. 

Post # 13
Member
333 posts
Helper bee

Don’t let yourselves get pushed around. Just say you both don’t want a flower girl and that’s the last you will both discuss it. As for how to let people know I say put it on the website and also you and your fi  should probably make a few calls and tell people that you are giving them advanced notice personally so that they can make arrangements because you really would like them there. Don’t trust your in laws to handle that for you. Have fi do it. I might have a sitter on speed dial if anyone shows up with kids and simply tell them there is no where for them and it is adult only. 

Post # 15
Member
608 posts
Busy bee

I think it would be good to have some babysitter references & put them up on your website but I would not pay for it. Maybe mention it to your FI’s family & if they want to pay then that’s up to them but I don’t think you or your family should be ropped into paying for that. I would specify on the website no kids (in a nicer way) & put something like “adults only wedding” on the invites. Whether it’s proper etiquette or not you have to spell stuff out for people. With all that being said, I would expect a lot of declines with it being so close to Christmas, no kids being allowed, and everyone being out of town. 

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