(Closed) “No Kids” – what do you do if they come anyway?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
544 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I would personally call this guest and ask point blank if she intends on bringing her child.  You have already gone above and beyond by offering to find a babysitter.  Make it clear that your venue will not accommodate a child.

This is YOUR wedding and I find her behavior beyond rude and tacky. I feel bad that you have this unneccessary stress so close to your wedding.  Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

If the question is over what to do now, with your wedding coming up, speak with her and figure out why it’s so important that she bring the child. And explain that this is a rule you’re enforcing across the board. Do whatever you can to enforce it, within reason.

If the kid shows up anyway, it’s up to the parents to worry about what to do. If other guests mention anything — and I’d guess that most won’t say anything —  just tell them it was unexpected and you appreciate them making other arrangements for their children. 

Post # 5
Member
144 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I would call her and pretend you’re just following up to see if she received the letter. I would just say that unfortunately due to space limitations no one is going to be able to bring their children. I would just say it very nicely and really build it up that there isn’t any room and that no one else is bringing their kids. Really make it sound like there won’t even be a seat for him! You can bring up your offer to help them find a sitter again, maybe this way you can get her to tell you that she will not bring her child. Otherwise, she may just pretend she didn’t get a letter and show up with him anyways. I hate confronting people on things like this, but I think it’s going to be your best course of action.

Post # 6
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I agree…you should personally call her and let her know that while you would have liked to invite children your budget/venue cannot accomodate them.  And add in there that you appreciate her understanding this 🙂

Post # 7
Member
14185 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Agree with the posters above. Call and see. She can always ignore the letter. 

IF it happens anyways, well, certainly do not go out of your way to appease her. Just watch her struggle with trying to find an extra chair for the kid AND trying to get him dinner. Or rather now they have to split dinner because you didn’t pay for food. And will not

You could always call and say, "hey i wasn’t sure if you needed some recommendations, but here are a few babysitters’ numbers…" blah blah blah. 

Sorry she’s such a crazy lady about it! I wish ppl were more understanding!

Post # 8
Member
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

We have a similar situation.  FI’s uncle is bringing his kid.  We are having a no kid wedding, mostly because only 2 people on our guest list have kids and we don’t know them well or at all.  Fiance has never met his 8 year old cousin because his family is not close.  He asked Future Mother-In-Law to talk to her brother about it, but that didn’t go very well.  She isn’t much for wedding ettiquite or tradition.  (At one point she questioned why we needed a photographer).  Since they will be coming from Oregon we figured we will let it go. Although I’m a bit concerned because my family and our friends are party people and FI’s family is very very quiet, so they could feel uncomfortable with the child being there.  

It just frustrates me though how uncooperative Future Mother-In-Law was, like yours was Miss Apricot.  

Also, wouldn’t it be awkward and/or unfun to be the only child at a wedding? 

Post # 9
Member
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

i got married this past weekend.  YAY!!!

Hate to be the downer but people I specifically told they were not invited showed up.  People I directly asked not to bring their children showed up, with children.  be prepared…some people just lack common grace…

Post # 10
Member
541 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

FutureMrsMorgan – really? Univited people came? Do tell

Post # 11
Member
497 posts
Helper bee

I agree with calling her in person.  We had a similar situation and we just explained that everyone else with children had made other accomodations and that it would be incredibly rude to our other guests if there was an exception made after they had gone through the trouble of making other arrangements.  There really shouldn’t be an issue as long as you provide plenty of alternatives for her…and if she balks, than you can call her out that it doesn’t seem to be that she can’t find other arrangements, but rather that she isn’t being considerate and perhaps you can work out a solution together to help her from feeling the way she feels.

Good luck.

Post # 13
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Let your Mother-In-Law deal with it if it happens.  I think the phone calls beforehand other’s have suggested are a good idea, but just don’t worry about it if it happens.  If they’re struggling to find a place, refer her to Future Mother-In-Law.  She’s the one who didn’t have the guts to call her sister, she’s the one who can deal witht he fall out.

Post # 14
Member
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I have been worrying about this issue since we first got engaged because I definitely did not want children at the wedding.  Our problem was that everyone we know has children and etiquette makes it pretty clear that it you invite some you have to invite all. I ended up sending a note in the save-the-dates stating that, with the exception of the children in the bridal party, we would not be able to accomodate any other children.  We also have this up on our website.  We wanted to give people as much time in advance to make alternative arrangements.  I knew that simply not including the kids on the invite would not work.  All of that being said, there is always the possibility that someone will still show up with child and we’ll just have to deal with it.

If I were you, I would call the aunt directly and be up front with her.  Say that while you understand that she would like to bring her child, you simply cannot accomodate him. 

Post # 15
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

@FutureMrsMorgan – First of all, congratulations! 🙂 What did you do when uninvited guests and children came? I know this is going to be an issue at our wedding-Acquaintances of FI’s have done it at other weddings and I’m sure ours won’t be immune.

And Miss Apricot, I think you’re doing the best thing you can. And if he does come anyway, make sure your close fam and Bridal Party know what’s up, so if people come to them offended that the kid is there and their’s isn’t,  they can make it clear that this was not on purpose! Good luck.

Post # 16
Member
14185 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

aw too bad. I was thinking maybe a plated dinner could be your scapegoat. There’s just no room, simple as that. 

people irritate me! what part of NO don’t people get?! Eesh

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