(Closed) No kids with exceptions?

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
2163 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club

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sallysueinblue :  I think making an exception for a toddler you don’t even know when you will not have your flower girl and ring bearer there would be kind of rude to your Flower Girl and RB.

Our rule with kids was first cousins and direct neices and nephews only. Our Flower Girl and RB were our neice and nephew. No second cousins or friends kids.

Post # 3
Member
723 posts
Busy bee

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sallysueinblue :  What is the reason he wants to invite this one kid that he doesn’t even know?

Post # 4
Member
1449 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Probably not a good idea to make exceptions for this one toddler. When people make exceptions, it is usually in circle groups (eg all first cousins, all nieces/nephews, etc) or based on age (under 15 not invited, etc. Make sure this doesn’t split up families though). Those are a little more “fair” but even still may cause hurt feelings by some people left out. 

Post # 5
Member
13577 posts
Honey Beekeeper

It has always been acceptable to make cut offs by relationship. So if your siblings had children, it would be perfectly fine to invite all nieces and nephews, but not children of friends or cousins. But that’s not what you are asking here.

Your flower girl and ring bearer should properly first and foremost be guests to your wedding, like any other, not just props at a ceremony. You can’t politely include them and exclude other children who are related to you in the same way. You risking offending people if you were to make exceptions, including your child attendants. The latter are guests who are given a special honor, not a role that needs to be filled no matter what. 

Since people are all having to travel out of town, I think a nice gesture on your part would be to either investigate child care or a nanny for the kids if you don’t want to or can’t invite them. 

Post # 6
Member
6586 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

If the parents are coming from several states away they may not have a sitter in your state or feel comfortable leaving their toddler at home with someone for that long. Does he want to invite the toddler in fear that the parents may not come otherwise?

Post # 7
Member
3080 posts
Sugar bee

My family has been hosting adult weddings since I was a kid – almost 50 years ago. My 1st daughter’s weddding was 21 and up, which is what almost every wedding we’ve been invited to, in this century, has been.

I have two toddler grandchildren and even though they go to church every week, there is no way their mothers would take them to a wedding ceremony. Every reception around here is in the evening; they younger one goes into melt-down, at 8:00 PM, if she isn’t in her crib and asleep. If her parents had to leave the wedding at 8:00 PM, they’d probably miss the entree course and everything that follows, and 3 hours of open bar that the couple paid for.

We went to an adult wedding where my daughter’s free babysistter (family) cancelled 10 days before. She ended up paying over $100 for babysitting for the night. When we got to the wedding a 2-3 year old girl was there, who hadn’t been invited. She and the ringbearer mananged to monopolize the dance floor more than once, with their running around and screaming. My daughter was not happy about it.

Post # 9
Member
723 posts
Busy bee

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sallysueinblue :  if his only reason is that he wants to meet her then I don’t think that’s a fair reason to invite her over all the other kids.

Post # 10
Member
5987 posts
Bee Keeper

I would not make exceptions for anyone besides the two in the wedding.  You can’t afford them and you’ve explained to your Future Mother-In-Law why.  Either she coughs up the money or she gets over herself.

Post # 11
Member
13577 posts
Honey Beekeeper

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sallysueinblue :  

“Part of the issue is my Future Mother-In-Law is lovely, but from an extremely small town where weddings are more invite everyone you know and hold a cheaper event to fit everyone (rather than a nicer event with less people).”

You are within your rights to make cut offs that exclude children, but in general your FMIL’s philosophy is the proper one. You invite those who deserve to be invited, then figure out venue and budget based on numbers, not the other way around. 

 

Post # 12
Member
3187 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

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sallysueinblue :  there is absolutley nothing at all wrong with have an adult-only wedding – that is NO exceptions, not even for the Flower Girl and RB. just because you dress kids in fancy clothes doesn’t change the fact that they are still kids. if you have a Flower Girl and RB then you’re not having an adult-only wedding and this gets you into very disputable territory where people start to become easily offended that some children were invited, but not THEIRS. some bees with tell you it’s fine to have some children and not others, but personally i think it’s sort of an all or nothing thing. either have a child-free wedding, or don’t, but don’t expect people to be understanding if you decide to pick and choose children.

Post # 13
Member
1939 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Don’t make exceptions. I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man in a wedding and was told no kids allowed and I have an almost 9 month old. There was an exception and it was if you lived out of state your child could come. I was pissed and so was my husband so i vote no exceptions, same rules for all. 

Post # 15
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee

How old is the toddler and how old is the oldest breastfed child you’re allowing? I assume there is a clear difference in age of at least a few months?

I don’t think you should make this exception. It would be very rude to those who have got sitters.

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