@Evanstobe: Holy cow, people have been rude to you on here. Unfortunately there are a lot of (sometimes rather bitter) people who have been waiting for many years and it comes out when someone who hasn’t been in the same relationship for a super long time, like yourself, posts. Which is not OK. Unfortunately sometimes the Bee goes through cycles of rudeness and niceness, and this time of year rudeness tends to be high (some people got engaged over the holidays, some people are sad and frustrated that they didn’t get engaged, lots of people are embarking on the first stages of wedding planning and are stressed, etc.). I’ve been on the Bee for almost 3 years now, so I’m starting to realize there are patterns to these things!
You absolutely have a right to wonder about your future and how committed your relationship is! Without being snarked at about the length of your relationship. Time and committedness/knowing each other well do not always equate to the same thing. My good friend was with her current boyfriend for 3 months when they started talking about having kids together; my FI’s parents dated for only a few months before being married! And my Fiance and I were together for 4 1/2 years before he proposed, and I was what I would call “waiting” for 2 of those years. Everyone is different.
Anyway, I hear that you’re sad and resigned to the fact that you’ll likely be waiting longer than you thought. That’s a yucky feeling– I dealt with that over and over. But think about how strong your love for each other is; think about how well you get along and how you make each other happy, and how much you enjoy still getting to know each other. That stuff means a lot and goes toward having a steady, healthy relationship and hopefully marriage someday. The security of knowing you both want to marry each other is a huge thing, and it is very stressful not to have it sometimes once you realize the person you’re with is the one you want to marry, but that’s one of those experiences that a lot of us end up living through, and being OK on the other end of it.
I think that if your SO says all the time that he wants to marry you, he wants to have a family with you, etc., that’s a very good sign! But he may not yet be ready to make that a reality. My Fiance said things to that effect a lot the first year we were together, but we weren’t ready to commit to each other in that way yet. It takes some time.
Have you talked seriously about considering getting married? Because I think talking about it, repeatedly, is important in helping you both get to a place where it seems like a reality rather than a longed-for and scary idea. That would probably be the best way to tackle this.
Also, like others have said, don’t waste your time and energy comparing yourself and your relationship to his ex!!! Not worth it!