Post # 1
- Wedding: April 2013 - A court...
I have always felt comfortable where I lived since I never had any bad experiences so I guess I felt pretty safe until recently.
A few years ago my parents’ house was nearly robbed but Darling Husband & I live in an apartment in a slightly nicer part of town so I wasn’t too concerned, especially having my dogs around. Cue a few months ago I was mugged and ever since my heart races so fast if I even see a person walking towards/ near me. I still have nightmares about what could’ve/ can happen. Then today my mom told me my brother was mugged last night at gun point- I just can’t imagine how scary that must’ve been! It just pisses me off and I guess I’m just starting to realize how some people just suck (to say the least) and idk what to do :/.
Anyone been through something similar ? How can I regain my confidence? I swear I feel like a wuss since unless it’s in the broad daylight (not before 6am or after 7pm or so) I’m a nervous wreck walking my dogs unless Darling Husband comes with me. Well, even then i feel nervous but I just tell myself it’s less likely to happen during the day. I’m contemplating taking self defense classes or carrying pepper spray or something but knowing me I’d probably just freeze up and do nothing. Blah.
Post # 2
Take a self defense class. They teach you all sorts of things especially how to disarm an attacker. A little knowledge and self defense is worth its weight in gold.
<br />ETA: Self defense classes become engrained in you. Take it a couple times if you need to, but eventually if someone comes at you aggressively, it would be second nature to respond in a defensive way.
Post # 3
Don’t be ashamed of safe behavior! Don’t walk around at night if you don’t feel safe doing it. Honestly, I’d consider moving. That’s really, really scary. Self defense classes help a little, but I think carrying around a “mugging wallet” would be better. Something you can throw away to the side while you run away in the opposite direction – it would have just a little bit of money, and keep your nicer wallet with your ID and cards in your real wallet.
Post # 4
atreyu547: And my understanding is in those self defense classes they help you feel empowered so you won’t just curl up into a ball if something happens.
Post # 5
atreyu547: I know how you feel, sort of. There was a string of about 7 home invasions and rapes in the last month (yes, month) here and two of the attacks happened on my street.
My fiance is out of the country for a while, so I was staying at his house while this was going on. I took my CCW class and constantly carry at home, even with the doors locked and alarm on. We have protection all around the house, and I have mentally prepared myself to defend myself by whatever means necessary.
So my advice is to take a CCW class or a self defense class. Those classes really do build confidence.
Post # 6
I was having nightmares about home invasion. I won’t open the door to strangers. I have been made aware of the reality that even in my quaint neighborhood full of retirees, horrible things can happen. I refuse to be a victim. My strength I think comes from my anger that I can’t feel safe in my own home. And that has kind of been a relief in itself.
But seriously, a lot of this is mental preparation that you are capable of defending yourself.
Post # 7
There’s a book called “The Gift of Fear” by Gavin de Becker, and to be perfectly straight with you, the book changed my life. It’s all about understanding fear, and the difference between good fear (when there really is something wrong) and bad fear and learning to tell the difference. I recommend a self – defense class so you can keep yourself physically safe, but if you feel like your fear is controlling you and holding you back I absolutely recommend de Becker ‘ s book. IThe will make an incredible difference.
Post # 8
Your responses sound like (relatively) mild but classic PTSD. I’m a therapist and I’ve seen people come in with symptoms like this plenty of times. Of course I’m biased, but I’d recommend seeking treatment for anxiety and PTSD from a licensed professional.
Post # 9
SilverWire: I’ve read this book also, and I definitely agree that it is a worthwhile read. Good suggestion!
Post # 10
atreyu547: I agree with AmyintheTARDIS: it does sound like you are experiencing a bit of ptsd from the trauma of being mugged. Which is completely understandable! It might help to talk to a professional about your feelings, or join a support group. That said, based on your post, it doesn’t sound like your fears are completely irrational. It sounds like your mugging was not just one isolated incident, but that your town may not be very safe. Is moving an option once your lease is up? Even if it meant a smaller apartment, a longer commute, etc, I think it would be worth the compromise to have peace of mind and feel safe in your home.
I have to strongly disagree with TheAnonyMouse: suggesting you carry a gun. I think this would be a terrible solution for you. Since you are living in a constant heightened state of fear, where you admit you perceive anyone walking towards you on the street as a threat, I think there would be a strong chance of you either using deadly force inappropriately, or freezing up in a situation where there is a real threat and having your own weapon used against you.
Post # 11
atreyu547: I can completly empathize with you. A few years back I was mugged & assaulted at knife point. I suffered a broken jaw, fractured chin, & dislocated nose. When it was time to come home from the hospital after surgery I was completely terrified.
I have battled with severe anxiety since then. I have a hard time trusting people & like you am completely paranoid about anyone walking around me when I’m out & about. I think self defense classes & pepper spray are a great idea but I also think you should seek some therapy in addition. Good luck & my pm box is always open.
Post # 12
i agree with others. take a self defense class, they do empower you. i’d also suggest you read “the gift of fear” by Gavin de Becker. it’s a great book about listening to your instincts/gut and to act accordingly
Post # 13
Excellent advice. I think the underlying PTSD has to be addressed before we can get to the empowerment issues, ie self defense, etc.
Please work with a therapist skilled in treating PTSD–it’s a perfectly normal reaction to overwhelming stress & is being discussed more openly these days.
Post # 14
WestCoastV: when trained properly, you know when your weapon is your last option. It’s all about minimizing risk, and having a form of defense when you really do need it. Plus, no gun owner I know goes around flaunting their weapon, so when it is drawn, it is about to be used.
My brother saved his own life when two thugs tried to kill him this year by carrying a concealed weapon. My fiancé has been in war zones, and still has weapons at home. Trauma doesn’t mean that you’re not qualified for a weapon anymore.
They’re not for everyone but it doesn’t mean that they’re not a legitimate solution for people.
Post # 15
atreyu547: Growing up our house was robbed TWICE! I still have an occasional nightmare about it. Also a few years ago I was mugged.
I’ve taken a few self defense classes so if anything were to happen, I have some confidenceabout being able to fight back/defend myself. I also make sure to ALWAYS be aware of my surroundings. I don’t text and walk, or be flashy jewlery/expensive belongings.
I would def recommend talking to someone professionally. Sounds like you are having some panic attacks and anxiety.
Best of luck to you! xx