(Closed) No longer friends with some guests…

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1068 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I am having the same connundrum! My overly enthusiastic fiance loves to invite everyone who acts slightly interested in our wedding. Every time he does, I see the bill ticking upwards in my mind.  He really has no concept of how quickly a guest list can grow. Anyway, he has told umpteen people that they are invited, and we just plain don’t have room for them. So what do I do? Just… not invite them and hope they don’t notice??

Post # 4
Member
67 posts
Worker bee

@MrsPeachMartini:  It maybe considered bad form not to send an invite. That said if they aren’t close anymore and won’t come anyway why waste the cost of the invitation and postage.

Post # 5
Member
3471 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

Unfortunately there isn’t really a tactful way to uninvite them… But, seeing as how you’re not friends anymore anyway– do you really care? 

Post # 6
Member
637 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I was gonna say…

the reason people have problems because they still want to maintain a relationship with the guest afterwards…

in your cases….if they aren’t friends anymore…do you care if they get pissed off not getting invite? 

And also, remember if they aren’t close anymore, they may choose to opt out not come, so you waste an invite….

 

Post # 7
Member
8882 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Honestly, if you are not friends with them anymore and they made no attempt to talk to you at the Engagement party, don’t invite them. They’ll probably see the wedding invite as a “gift grab”.

Post # 8
Member
664 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@Tangled:  I LOLed at your post.  My Fiance is the exact same way.  And so are his parents!  Which is why we have invited half of the world.

My advice- don’t invite them.  Hopefully they won’t crash though….

Post # 10
Member
637 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@amandasf:  usually save the date doesn’t say the venue…so they should not know about the location and time?

Post # 11
Member
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Just don’t send an invite. 

Post # 13
Member
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

My Darling Husband and I had a falling out with one couple around 5 months before the wedding, after we had sent Save-The-Date Cards. We didn’t send them an invitation.

Post # 14
Member
47 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

It seems like you’ve just drifted apart a bit, not that you’ve had a big blow-up, correct? For that reason, I think you still need to invite them.  Choosing to not invite someone after sending a STD needs to have a really valid reason (like a friendship-ending fight, divorce, etc.). I think that not talking to you at the engagement party isn’t a super valid reason.  It may not be a popular stance, but you did ask the question on the etiquette tab, so I’m answering from that perspective.

Post # 15
Member
1513 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@MrsPeachMartini:  i doubt they’d think it was a “gift grab” … they’d probably just see it is free dinner and drinks, like you mentioned. as PPs said, if you arent worried about keeping the friendship, then dont invite them. it’s against “the rules” but who cares?

Post # 16
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

As long as there wasn’t an actual falling out you still have to invite them. If they came to your engagement party they will most likely come to the wedding too. What you can do is try to reconnect with them before the wedding so it won’t be so awkward. Send them a line somethign like “I feel so bad that the only time we see each other is at my wedding events, let’s catch up over a glass of wine next week”. You may change your mind about inviting them after spending some one on one time.

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