- 7 years ago
- Wedding: July 2013
I apologized to my friends (one in particular) who cared so much about me that they wanted to stand up with me and/or support my marriage through their presence. It hurt me that people initially felt that because I didn’t want to have the whole traditional wedding reception I was somehow duping them into a “party. When you do things differently and exclude people (whether fair or not), you have to be prepared for people to feel the way they feel. You don’t “allow” someone to feel any way…they feel the way they feel. You can say “I’m really sorry that I hurt you and that you feel that way. I was trying to do xyz”, but you shouldn’t be negating someone’s feelings just because you don’t agree. That’s being as obtuse as she is about this shower/Miami/etc.
I think that she’s being crazypants unreasonable about the amount of money and time that she is “demanding” from you. I think that you’re being unreasonable about hurting her feelings. You guys aren’t communicating and I think that until you both listen to eachother, this isn’t going to get better and you are going to loose the friendship.
To be clear, I think that she’s being horrible to you and was really out of line with her comment about your wedding. I just think that you are being dismissive- like she is about your wedding decisions. I would be hurt (if I were her) that someone I thought enough of to ask to stand up with me for my wedding didn’t want to inconveince me and didn’t invite me to the one event that they had (casual or not) to celebrate their wedding. I would wonder what I did to make them think I wouldn’t at least try to be there. That might be a really difficult conversation to have for a lot of people…and maybe some empathy needs to thrown her way? Just a thought.
She’s proving that she avoids difficult conversations (the shower, your wedding, etc) and that sucks amongst good friends. I get why that would piss you off. But what you see as self-evident, she clearly doesn’t…and you both seem like you would rather be right than work it out. You’re both entrenched in your positions and that doesn’t make for a happy time.
Anyway, clearly you care about her and clearly she thinks a lot of you. Bridal-brain assinine behaviour aside (because there’s not much of an excuse for her demanding that much money- I may have choked on my coffee about the shower amount), if she is someone who you want in your life, you might have to back away from the all or nothing approach…
I personally would send her a link to this post
How old are you guys?
I think the long and short of it is that she’s being far too demanding. If this relationship is really important to you, I would try to get through to her that asking you to spend this much money on her wedding is out of the question. Based on the comments she’s made about your upcoming wedding, however, I think I would just bow out now and cut my losses.
Whether or not you invited her to your wedding and/or engagement party really has nothing to do with her asking you to fly out to a second bachelorette party and to chip in $350 for her shower. In your situation, I would have invited this friend to my engagement party, although I wouldn’t have hosted a party in my honor or hosted a party and not have provided food/drinks to the guests.
At this point, that’s neither here nor there. You just need to figure out if you can stand to put up with her demands and remain in the wedding party or if you need to permanently damage the friendship by stepping down as a bridesmaid.
I would drop out and not give her a dime. This is bananas.
$350 per Bridesmaid??? First of all, I was a bridesmaid in my best friend’s wedding and I paid for very little for the shower…. This just reminds me of the movie Bridesmaids. Seems like you need to sit the Maid/Matron of Honor and bride down in front of the tv, make them watch it, and take notes. Lame.
The rest of the bees have said all I want to say about your friend and her whiny demands. I have two words for you.
This is going to come to blows and more heartache otherwise.
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