(Closed) No longer planning the wedding…(probably not what you think)

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
11272 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

i hope that this decision works out for you.  your dad is an absolute sweetheart. 

i’m glad you realized what you really wanted.

i know that your dad tried to talk to the fmil before and it didn’t get very far.  she’s manipulative.  what makes you think things will change if your dad is in charge? good for him for trying.  it sounds like this woman has lack of respect for everyone.  i hope your dad is ready to really stand up to this woman and stop being so delicate to her.    she can definitely dish it out but she can never seem to take it.

she needs to be put in her place.  good luck to your dad.  he’s going to need it.

 

Post # 4
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

So nothing is actually resolved yet then? I still do not understand why anyone, now your Dad, is continuing to engage this woman in wedding talk. Talk about being suckers for punishment.

 

Good Luck though, hope this completely unreal mess turns into a happy wedding day for you somehow.

Post # 5
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@mayflowerbride13:  ‘We’re coming up with a list of boundaries to bring to the meeting too…  the boundaries will include situations to come in the future, kids included… and we will be perfectly clear that until she learns to have mature, adult conversations, we won’t be talking to her, about the wedding, other plans, or anything else.’

 

Does anyone really think this will happen?

Post # 6
Member
9674 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Your dad is amazing.  Your Future Mother-In-Law (God bless your soul when she becomes your MIL) is a bully and a jerk.  I hope he can force her to comply with his boundaries.

I have no idea why you want to marry into this family, I hope they don’t continue to make your life a living hell for many more years to come.  They are lucky to have you and your dad bring some sanity into their drama.  Especially your Fiance, I hope he realizes how lucky he is.

I really wish you all the best.

 

Post # 7
Member
5787 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

I’m glad you both recognized you didn’t really want to elope and decided not to.

As to rest, I think it’s a terrible idea. Stop engaging her. People like that don’t magically realize they’re immature *ssholes.

Post # 8
Member
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Snow00774:  Nope!  But I hope so for OP’s sake.

Post # 9
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

good luck with your new plan – i hope it works for you! I can understand why you didn’t want to elope either. Enjoy your getaway this weekend – you guys deserve it!

Post # 10
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

@LGenz:  Agree.

Silence will speak much more to her than any conversation about boundries. No talking about budget, no talking about guest lists. The more you talk the more she thinks she can have an opinion.

Post # 12
Member
1252 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@mayflowerbride13:  I’m glad you aren’t going to sacrifice your wedding because of this woman, however, I don’t think the “sit down” is a good idea.  I think it would be best for you to just decide which guests will be invited from FI’s family and leave her out of it entirely.  Honestly, every time you go to her with any sort of discussion it turns into a disaster, you aren’t going to get a different result just because your father is doing the asking, you’ve already tried that and she still came back to Fiance with drama.  I really recommend if you want this to end that you leave her out of the decisions completely.  I would also not allow her to pay for anything wedding-related (cake or whatever included) because it is just another way for her to demand a say in your wedding.  Stop the maddness. 

Post # 14
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

@mayflowerbride13:  What about a phone call from your dad? He can call and let her know what the deal is, and if she starts acting like a spoiled toddler, he isn’t stuck with her in the house.

I don’t understand why some other bees are being harsh to you. In my opinion, as long as Fiance is being strong and continuing to take your side, there’s not anything dysfunctional about the relationship. You obviously love one another or you wouldn’t have made it through this nightmare so far. I think this is the best–if not only–way it can work, aside from the two of you eloping. I am happy for you.

Post # 15
Member
5959 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

I really hate that all of this is happening for you right now…and I’ve been there girl, I have the in laws from hell, and we eloped because we wanted to, but I can tell you the drama surrounding that choice was mind numbing…I think it is awesome that your Dad is riding in to save the day, Dad’s are awesome that way, but you have got to face this woman sooner or later and let her know in no uncertain terms that this garbage will not stand any longer.  If you are younger, and pretty easy going by nature, this is a big leap to be sure.  But you have got to find your power and confidence and back this bossy broad into a corner once in for all and tell her to shut up!  Her approval is neither desired nor required, but acceptance is always allowed, if she can’t dance to that tune she can stay the hell away….

I kept my family away from my in laws until they learned to behave, I would never subject such  gentle, intelligent and sophisticated people to the dregs my husband was sired by, it took them two years to figure out how to comport themselves. 

And if you love this guy, that does mean you are marrying his family, but it’s on your terms honey, not theirs.

Post # 16
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

So happy you and Fiance are on the same page.  In the end, this is about your relationship, especially post wedding, so I truly feel it’s so important to understand each other and “have each other’s backs.”  Bravo for making it throught this unfortunate ordeal as still a team. 🙂

As for your father…what a gem.  I’m happy for you he is willing and able to come to the rescue. Yes, it won’t solve all problems down the road, but hopefully it will be the ground work started that you are strong enough and bold enough to stick up for yourself and not back down to her….b/c you also have a support system (your Fiance, dad, etc,.) backing you up.  You don’t need her on your side and you don’t need to be on her good side.

Wishing you guys the best!! 🙂

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