No longer waiting…accepted it is never going to happen

posted 2 months ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
732 posts
Busy bee

I’m sorry, bee. It does sound like it’s never going to happen with this guy. But it might with someone else! If marriage is important to you, don’t waste your time any longer with this guy. 

Post # 5
Member
831 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

penny1403 :  has he said he wants to get married? What were ‘all the reasons he listed’?

Some of your anecdotes are quite immature, in what world is a funeral the appropriate time for him to talk about an engagement timeline? 

Post # 6
Member
3756 posts
Honey bee

penny1403 :  bee, please don’t settle. Go for what you want. If he’s not willing to give you what you want, move on. I know it’s scary to make such a big decision, but ask yourself: are you TRULY happy in this relationship? If not, don’t settle. You deserve to be truly happy. 

FWIW, I also got married young and divorced shortly after. And then I made that same mistake a 2nd time. Now I finally found my one true love. I can honestly say that SO is my best friend. That’s the kind of love everyone deserves. A best friend/soulmate kind of love. 

Best of luck to you, bee. 

Post # 7
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Just wondering if, like the stages of grief, you’ve accepted he’ll never ask just like one would accept a diagnosis of cancer. 

Like my BF accepting he’ll never be able to rock climb because of childhood injuries. He’s not fussed about it. 

So does it feel like accepting a terminal diagnosis or never being able to do something that might be neat? (Or something in between?)

Post # 8
Member
6921 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2050

penny1403 :  Can you elaborate some more on this part: “Two weeks ago we had a fight where he listed all the reasons I am not married“? Does that mean he’s not saying he has a problem with marriage, he’s saying he has a problem marrying YOU? Would you be comfortable sharing some of the reasons he gave?

Post # 9
Member
202 posts
Helper bee

Since he previously was on board with marriage, you not only have to decide if you value being with  him more than being married, but whether that is still true knowing that he would lie to you about something that important. 

Post # 12
Member
732 posts
Busy bee

Does he cook and clean? 

Post # 14
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

You don’t cook or clean enough so you’re good enough to help him financially by splitting bills, have sex with, etc but you’re not good enough to marry?  it would be one thing if he just never wanted to be married, to anyone, but telling you you’re not up to par?

How can this relationship feel good enough?  I feel like you’re just settling.  I met the man who worships the ground I walk on and adores my children when I was 38.  It’s NOT too late. 

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