Post # 1
I’ve been noticing more and more these days that the roll of Maid of Honor and Best Man are not as important as they used to be. I know many people who chose not to have them. My fiance and I don’t plan on having either in our wedding. I know it’s my wedding and I should do whatever I feel is best for me… but my mother is heartbroken that my sister is not my maid of honor and my fiance’s brother is not his best man. I really didn’t want to upset her… they are still going to be first in the line. It all stems from be being maid of honor at my ex-best friends wedding and having all the responsibility thrown on me. None of the bridesmaids did a damn thing. I don’t want someone to feel all that pressure, too.
How best can I explain this to my mom so maybe she can feel better about it because i’m clueless. She was crying the other day about it. 🙁
Post # 3
I think you articulated it very well here in this post. Frankly, what does the title of “MOH” mean anyway? To me, it says that I would have to spend $ on a dress; put on a shower; and have lots of responsibility that I don’t want? Plus, you run the risk of upsetting other close friends who were NOT picked.
Fiance and I are not having a bridal party at all. I’d rather for my girls to enjoy themselves at my wedding anyway! Please remember that this is YOUR wedding and you have to do what is right for you.
Post # 4
I’m not having a maid of honor either – instead just having 6 bridesmaids. To be honest, I didn’t want to put too much pressure on one girl and I didn’t want the other 5 to feel less loved. Plus, they are from different points in my life (high school, college, work, etc.) and I felt bad putting one “in charge” of coordinating with all the others – some of whom she might not know well. I just figured it’d be easier without a Maid/Matron of Honor. I’m really not expecting much from them except they buy a dress. My mother is taking care of the shower and helping with most of the planning.
Post # 5
Let your mom know that you don’t want the titles given to people you love dearly, because when you love someone dearly, you don’t WANT them to have to experience all the spending, planning, and stress of a wedding that’s not even their own. You want them to experience the love, friendship, and excitement of the day (by being attendants) but you don’t want to stress them out. I am sure she will understand. You could even list them as Maid/Matron of Honor and Bridesmaid or Best Man just in the wedding program. No one will ever know the difference, anyway. 🙂 Good luck. Hopefully everything gets sorted out for you. 🙂
Post # 6
we’re not having a wedding party at all. Just tell your mom that it is your wedding but for those people not being given a title doesn’t mean you don’t love them any less at all
Post # 7
I decided to forego a wedding party (with the exception of a ring bearer) because I have a brother and he has a sister. I can’t stand his sister, although being civil to her isn’t a problem as long as the visit isn’t an extended one (she and Future Mother-In-Law are domineering and give loads of unsolicited advice. She drives me nuts).
I would have picked one of my friends or my cousin’s wife as my Maid of Honor, but I knew that would make waves. Since I didn’t want more than one bridesmaid, I still wouldn’t be picking his sister.
My family never said a word about my decision, other than, “You don’t have to pick his sister.” Well…come on, we all know better than that. Fiance almost certainly would have picked my brother.
Future Mother-In-Law has brought it up at least 3 times, which ticks me off. She was shocked about it the first two times she asked me. I explained it was a small wedding and that was all we wanted. Then went behind my back and wanted to know what was ‘wrong’ from Fiance, who gave her the same explanation. In other words, she and Future Sister-In-Law were probably steaming about Future Sister-In-Law not getting asked.
Since then, Future Mother-In-Law has said a few times, “Well, you’ll need a witness to sign your marriage license…” yes, we know. Way to be subtle, lady.
Life is about making your own decisions and disappointing people sometimes. They’ll get over it. You don’t have to be a jerk about it…just explain that there are some awesome people to choose from (well, make sure it’s true first), but you’ve been to so many weddings where a bridal party wasn’t selected. Say you want the focus to just be on you and your fiance.