(Closed) No MIL – Am I Missing Out?

posted 11 years ago in Family
Post # 3
952 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I don’t have one (she died when FH was in high school).  Sometimes I feel I am missing out- my ex’s mom was awesome, one of the biggest reasons I was bummed about breaking up was his family.  Recently I heard all about my friend’s “Monster-in-law,” which gave me some good perspective.

Post # 5
8943 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I love my MIL!

Post # 6
348 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Probably a little of both. I love my Future Mother-In-Law but at times, she really gets under my skin.

Post # 7
31 posts
  • Wedding: November 2010

While I love my Future Mother-In-Law, I was disappointed with how little she wanted to be involved in the wedding. When we got engaged she expressed her excitement than said “tell me when, where and how many people I can bring” and that’s been the end of her involvement. I emailed her about her guests, and she replies, but when I emailed her a picture of my wedding dress, and she never replied. It hurt, but that’s who she is.

You’re missing out because you never got a chance to know the woman who created the man you love, but you’re also pretty lucky because sometimes MILs can be more pain than anything else.

Post # 9
878 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

My future Mother-In-Law lives in France so we only see her once or twice a year.  She also already has 6 grand children and is the same age as my grandmother.   I always wondered what it would be like to have a Mother-In-Law around…. but after some stories here on the hive I am happy that my Future Mother-In-Law is not around all the time.

Post # 10
527 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I think missymoose and I have the same Mother-In-Law. 

Post # 11
6610 posts
Bee Keeper

I’m sorry about your husband’s family situation.

My Future Mother-In-Law is great. Nuturing and kind and sweet-as-can-be. I know I’m lucky.

Some women don’t have this experience, however. So it may relieve a bit of stress for you that you don’t have to worry about clashing with his mom and putting him in the middle.

Post # 12
1354 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

My Future Mother-In-Law is alive and we heard from her two or three times a year, prior to the wedding. This year a lot more because her brother died and we had to pay to fly her out there, and now we’re paying for her to come to our wedding. She is an old hippy, and is both not very smart and has a major, undiagnosed cognitive disability. Talking to her is like talking to a 7-year old with Aspergers, minus the fun facts.

So while I have a Future Mother-In-Law, there isn’t much of a mother role there. She had to give up parenting Fiance when him and his brothers were in 7, 8 and 10. FI’s father is an a$$ (like, stole FI’s identity and raided FBIL’s savings account while Future Brother-In-Law was invading Iraq), but at least the dude raised the kids and he is pleasant to be around.

Basically, I hear you. I don’t have a Future Mother-In-Law in the sense that there isn’t a mother I have to grapple with. Instead I have an adult child to deal with who happens to have given birth to Fiance. The thing that makes it tolerable is that my mother is beyond awesome, and is really nice to Future Mother-In-Law. My mom has gone out of her way to include her in the wedding, though they’ve only met once. Family is important to me, so even though neither of FI’s parents are high on my list, I want to treat them well and honor them.

Post # 13
363 posts
Helper bee

If you had mine for your Mother-In-Law you would consider yourself lucky if she was like yours.

>>Unfortunately my husband’s mother wasn’t/isn’t a good woman.<<

This coupled with the fact that your DH doesn’t even want a relationship with her, you are lucky.

Post # 14
178 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

My Mother-In-Law is a basically kind person…except to me.  She cares about everyone around her, and how her actions affect them…except me.  She has a lot of personal issues that she really needs therapy for, but no one in the family is willing to tell her that, and it would fall on deaf ears anyhow…and she takes them out on me.  I bear the brunt of her childish behavior and negativity because she loves her son, my husband, and I hope that someday things will change.  For our future childrens’ sake at least.

I have heard of people who love their Mother-In-Law, and those people are very lucky.  But in your situation, it sounds like her being absent is the best decision for everyone involved.

Post # 16
72 posts
Worker bee

My Mother-In-Law is just absent…it’s a long story…she basically abandoned my Fiance and his brothers when they were little.  She’s not around and I’m okay with that. My FI’s dad has a serious girlfriend who he lives with who I guess is the closest thing to a Mother-In-Law I have, but she’s not even around that much. That being said, I love my ex-boyfriends mom. She’s still someone I seek guidance from and visit from time to time. She’s fabulous. Sends me cards for my birthday, graduation cards…When I dated my ex, I stood up for her when her husband and son would pick on her about stuff. She’s very supportive and that’s fabulous. I guess it depends on the situation. 

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