Post # 1
Well Bees, after just deciding on a venue, I’m cancelling my wedding. My fiance isn’t a US Citizen, so we’ve been anxiously awaiting the day his visa is approved so he can move to the US as a permanent resident and we can start our lives together. I, however, am a student with a job that pays $50 a week and another minimum wage job that I just got laid off from. My fiance had a very good job in Sweden, by my standards, making $50,000 a year. I live with my parents and have been informed today (understandably) that once he comes over and we get married (which we must do immediately so he can apply for a work permit), I will no longer have a spot in their home.
We just got approved.
What should be the happiest time of our lives is becoming extremely depressing and hopeless. Within the month, we will have no jobs (because I just lost mine and it will take at least a month for his permit to come in, THEN he has to actually be offered a job), no home (because you need two paychecks and neither of us have a job), and no money (because his little bit of savings will be spent on a plane ticket, permit and Social Security filing fees that total over $2000 and living expenses until we can get an apartment).
Although my father was planning on paying for my wedding, I can’t justify allowing him to spend money on me and the thought that my reception dinner could be the first real food I eat in months of living paycheck to paycheck, savings account to savings account, depresses me to absolutely no end.
I know I sound like the whinest person in the world, but I honestly I just need someone to listen. My parents are laughing at our situation, and I feel worthless and so sorry that my fiance has to leave his almost perfect life in Sweden to deal with this. Any advice on how to get out of a hole?
Post # 3
@swedeypie: If you have no home or job anyway, why don’t you move to Sweden? At least over there he is employed and you could both save up to move back to the states.
Post # 4
I’m sorry you are having such a hard time. Remind yourself that things have a way of working out. Where there’s a will, there’s a way. You don’t NEED two incomes to have a home. You can always find another job, but you might need to adjust your standards, even if you take a job that’s less than ideal while you apply for something better. You can still let your father pay or help pay for the wedding. You can keep it realistic and DIY a lot of things if you feel guilty about letting him pay. But most dads WANT to pay for their daughters wedding. It’s “tradition” if you believe in that sort of stuff. And even so, you can ALWAYS find ways to keep things affordable. Have a potluck backyard wedding and wear a pre-loved dress you bought right here on WB! Or why can’t you get married here and then go to Sweden with him?
Post # 5
That’s what my family is telling us, too. Our main problem is that we’ve invested so much time and money into this visa. Every step costs hundreds of dollars. And also the fact that I made a promise that I wouldn’t drop out of college.
Thank you for the support! I just found out about my job today, so I’ve yet to start seriously looking (although I was applying for other jobs already). I just don’t know how we would deal with the whole “no money, no money, no money, BIG EXPENSIVE PARTY, no money, no money…” Do you know what I mean? I’m afraid I’d be thinking, “wow this is 6 months rent spent on one day…..” the whole time!
Post # 6
Oh, that makes sense. Well, it sounds like a really sticky situation. I hope your luck turns around and you and your Fiance find jobs soon!
Post # 7
Hello there! Hope you are feeling better. Don’t feel bad about the situation. To give you perspective, these hard times will make you guys a stronger couple. Believe me. It’s the hard times that make the better times even more special. But like others have said, you can always have a small wedding on a budget. You can never forget that it’s all about the love you both share and that you want to spend the rest of your lives together. At the end of the day, it’s not about how perfect your economic or living situation is. Also, you can do what me and my fiance did, we nearly had a 2 yr engagement. You can have as long of an engagement as you want and wait until you are more settled in and he’s moved to the US permanently to then start planning the wedding you dream of. But don’t forget about nurturing your relationship and that it’s about the love you share. With patience days will be brighter and things will get better. They always do, just stay positive.
Post # 8
I’m confused. Your dad is happy to pay for your wedding, but your parents won’t let you keep living there until your fiance gets a job? Strange way of being supportive!
I’d move to Sweden, get married, save up more then move back to the states again if that’s where you want to be. Europe is amazing!
Post # 9
- Wedding: June 2014 - DD born 2015 DS born 2017
Oh no, that’s a terrible situation but here’s an idea, why don’t you get married officially at the civil office for his visa but hold off on the ceremony/dress/party/whole shebang until you’re more stable? My friend in the US got pregnant and had to get married for the child’s father to be legally recognised in his home country (father is Japanese- that is Japanese law) so they just did the paperwork and plan to have the real ceremony and party in Hawaii next year!! The whole family approved and they seem happy =D
As others have said, everything always has a way of working out in the end *hugs*
Post # 10
Their school system is better anyway and your children will thank you.
Post # 11
Move to Sweden!! There’s nothing stopping you! What an amazing adventure that would be for both of you. I hear the general quality of life in Scandinavia is just wonderful, too.
Post # 12
You have a fiance visa right?
so that visa is good for 3 months if I am not mistaken.
have him stay at his parents house ( or close friend family) for 2 months and work for 2 more months. Have him put all into savings account all of it. And just spend the minimum on groceries.
plan a little civil courthouse wedding. Go to mortons steakhouse have a nice Filet dinner and a champagne coktail. They have a promo for 59.99 3 course menu .Then……. Wait for him to get his work visa. You can sublets for flats or even a place that is looking for roomates. What is important is that you both together the whole white dress that is not important. You can have your big wedding after.
and about your dad paying for the wedding! Dont be silly. Of you cant pay for your childs wedding then why do you get up to work every day?
Post # 13
First things first, start aggressively job hunting. Put the wedding on the back burner until you figure out your financial situation. Is there a time line for when he will be with you? He should start looking for jobs where you live. I would talk to your parents about a timeline. Say fi is moving here on August, can you give him 3 months to stay here while he finds a job & then you have to be out by November. Hopefully you can work something out. Good luck!
Post # 14
Good or bad, everything passes. The next little bit might suck, but remember why you’re doing it and focus on when you come out the other side as a happily married, gainfully employed, not-living-out-of-a-box couple. If you both want it bad enough and are willing to work your butt off for it, you WILL get there! 🙂
Post # 15
I’d move to Sweden, honestly. Even if you stay to finish school first and move afterward. If he has a good job he should keep it, no matter how much you’ve put into Visa costs there is still more value in his job. I think by him quitting and moving to the US when you are both so ill prepared it will only put so much more stress on you.
Post # 16
Moving to Sweden was my first thought too! For a US citizen it isn’t that hard to get a tourist visum, you can stay at least 3 months and I think the economy in Sweden isn’t that bad at the moment, compared to the rest of Europe. They do not have the Euro, which saves them loads of money!