Post # 1
So I gave my Boyfriend or Best Friend the card with my grandmother’s rings in it this morning. I set it by his things, kissed him good bye and then quickly got out of the house before he noticed it. He called me as I pulled up to work, asking what the card was. I was like it’s a card… he asked if it was his birthday card, I forgot to get him a card for his birthday and I said surreeee…. I hung up and then about two minutes later while digging through my trunk to get some stuff for work he calls again! He’s laughing, saying I thought that’s what was in here…
I’m playing dumb of course but he doesn’t buy it. I just told him, now the ball is in his court to do with as he please. Later in the day when I called about a different matter, we got on the subject again. In his mind we’re already married so he doesn’t see how things will change if I have a ring. I told him nothing would change, other than having a ring on my finger and to just give it to me. So he should just give it to me and let it be done and over with, lol. How do I explain to him that it may not change anything but it’s important to me to have?
It’s odd he’s thinking more about having kids and what we will do in that situation than us getting married, because I guess like he said he already sees us as married. But I did learn when he causes me crazy and that I’m nuts and such it’s his way of saying he’s feeling pressured. So no more wedding talk with Boyfriend or Best Friend. I’ll continue to plan on my own, and just enjoy being his girlfriend. When he’s ready he’s ready and I can live with that.
The other thing he mentioned is wanting to have a job and be financially secure. Now I’m fortunate enough to have had parents who raised me to be independent. I’ve been financially on my own since I graduated from Highschool really. I rarely if ever borrow money from my parents and I’m proud of that. He takes care of me in every other way, the ways that Actually matter. While money is important it doesn’t lead to happiness. It leads to comfort, but not happiness. I understand his need to provide for me and our future family, but what he has provided thus far is worth more than anything in the world and I want him to know that. I mean vows say for richer or for poorer afterall! I’m glad he wants to be responsible financially but at the same time, I know I want to marry this man and grow old with him so money shouldn’t stop us right?!
Any and all comments are welcome.
Post # 3
I know how much waiting sucks (we’ve all been there) – but giving him the rings is about as subtle as a brick to the head. My 3 best friends are guys, and I can tell you – the more they feel pressured/backed in to a corner – the more they will resist. Its not because he doesn’t want to make you happy, its not because he doesn’t love you, and most importantly – its not because he doesn’t want to marry you. Its because most guys have grown up with the notion that proposing should be their thing to think about and plan – not the girls’ – and he also might want to surprise you! Also, any feeling of pressure is uncomfortable. Think about if the roles were reversed and say he really wanted to have kids with you, and you had every intention of doing that but you weren’t quiiiiiite ready – and he started leaving baby clothes on your kitchen table or came home with a crib.
As far as continuing to plan on your own – Dont!! You only get to be engaged once, and it only lasts for so long! You’ll be so bummed out once you ARE engaged if you have no planning left to do, or what if he has input in to the planning? (My Mr. actually completely shocked me with how much he wanted to contribute to the planning, and its been FUN!) So keep yourself busy with other things, be patient, and you will be rewarded.
When you’re having those rough impatient waiting moments (lord knows I had them), talk to your close friends, go out with other friends, vent to them, etc. But let him do his thing – you will feel infinitely more excited and adored when he completley blows you away – far better than you’d feel if he was like “OK OK OK IM putting it on your finger! Are you HAPPY NOW??”
(also, not having a job is a completely legitimate reason to hold off on getting married – I would not consider that an excuse at all. No matter how strictly you adhere to a budget, its a time consuming and expensive process – and having a job should definitely be the top priority)
Post # 4
I definetly appreciate the opinion and comments. I know that giving him the rings was not a subtle hint in any sort of way, I’m not really saying it was. I gave him the rings, so that’s one less thing he has to worry about. He wants to plan it and I’m perfectly fine with that! I’m still going to continue to look at pictures, get ideas and so forth, the reason why is because he’s not super in to the girly thing like a wedding would be. I know he’s feeling pressured, but he never really expressed that to me at least not in away that I understand. he would call me crazy, laugh at me, but then get mad if I said anything against us getting married. Not to mention he basically things and acts as if we are married.
I’m not saying that not having a job is not a legitmate reason not to get married, not at all. But it shouldn’t prevent us from getting engaged is what I’m saying. I’m not even talking about getting married, this year, or even next year, I’m thinking realistically it wouldn’t be till the end of 2013. That’s roughly two years to plan. I’m not one for a quick engagement, nor do I enjoy any kind of debt besides student loans and a mortgage. So if we were to get married, I’d want to have enough funds to pay off EVERYTHING as we book it. I don’t even like monthly payments! Just don’t like that hanging over my head. We’re very simple people and I plan on DIY just about everything from my centerpieces, to my lighting and table decor.