Post # 1
I’m not sure what to do, and wonder if any one has some ideas/advice?
My fiancé and I are in our late 20’s and getting married the year after next, and we are trying to plan out the day. The thing is, neither of us would be in to going out to pubs/nightclubs or dancing. I myself wouldn’t mind having a bit of a dance at a function (if the music was good!) while my fiancé would happily sit and chat to others, even moving to a quieter area away from the music. Usually at weddings we would leave very soon after the band set up, just because it wouldn’t usually be our thing, and we wouldn’t tend to stay out all night either.
So now when it comes down to planning our own wedding, my fiancé is suggesting we have an early lunch, maybe then an afternoon tea later on, (with possibly some background music, like a string quartet or something playing) and then that would be it for the evening, and let everyone go off to do their thing. I don’t mind this idea myself, but I am getting a lot of shocked reactions from others when I mention it.
Is it really that bad not to have a band/DJ?? Is there anything else we could do instead? Has anyone ever done anything like this before??
I’ve always wanted something very different to a normal wedding day, as I find weddings can be so similar and predictable… but what do people think about this?
Post # 3
I think I have an idea? I was to a wedding that had a live string quartet play the entire night. They were from a local school, so I don’t think it was pricey. It was nice, people still danced if they wanted, it was good background, etc.
Post # 4
A lot of people like dancing at weddings so some people will be disappointed. Even at weddings with dancing, not everyone dances. Many will and some will just chat.
If it’s a short reception (couple of hours) then you don’t need dancing and people will be okay. If you’re having a 5 hour reception without dancing it will be BORING to most people. Because what are people supposed to do that whole time?
So if it’s a short reception I think you will be okay but if it’s longer without a DJ or dancing…many people might be bored to tears. I would probably find it strange and leave early due to boredom. Keep in mind the reception is for your guests…to thank them from coming. So you sould keep in mind.
So if you don’t want dancing I would just recommend an afternoon or noontime reception and make sure it’s no longer than 3 hours. That would be perfectly fine. Definitely do not do a nighttime reception without dancing!
Post # 5
@penguinmoose: I would have music, even if it’s a lone guitar player, but you don’t have to do dancing. It’s your wedding and it is not your job to give everyone a dance party if you don’t enjoy that.
Post # 6
@penguinmoose: We had a luncheon with no dancing, and people LOVED it! They still had that night to do whatever.
Post # 7
I prefer a dance party at weddings, but that’s because I like a good dance party and weddings are a good excuse. However, I don’t begrudge folks who have a different vision for their wedding day.
I was a BM in a wedding that had an afternoon reception with refreshments and light food. It ended by 4 PM and the guests went their separate ways (I, for example, went to the bar with some other guests). It was a lovely event, and I enjoyed the whole experience. It felt elegant and was very calm and pleasant. Is it what I would choose for my wedding? No. Was it precisely what the couple wanted? Absolutely. Do what feels good for you and your FI. Don’t let anyone pressure you into something you don’t want.
Post # 8
My wedding reception was an afternoon lunch reception. We did not have a dance, we had a playlist of some of our favorite songs playing softly over the sound system. Our reception was quite short, people took off right after the cake was cut, so it was nice. Everyone had the great.of the day to themselves.
Post # 9
I was so worried about people not enjoying themselves at our wedding that we’re opting for a disco. I’m just so paranoid about guests not enjoying our wedding.
Post # 10
@penguinmoose: We’re not having any dancing. People are free to do so if they so choose, but FH and I won’t be participating. I do think that you should have something playing softly in the background. FH and I are having a pretty short reception, so we’ve been downloading some nice instrumental songs to play at the reception. I just don’t want any awkward silences.
Post # 11
Thanks for the advice everyone!
On the one hand I feel like it’s our wedding, we should do what we want to do, and our family and friends should know us well enough to know we can be quite different and stubborn! And then on the other hand I’d like for people to enjoy themselves, and to give them a good night, since we are inviting them and they were good enough to dress up and come!
It’s good to know that you, ArtDecoDC and Mrsns07 went to something similar, and it all turned out ok! and That you, SouthernGirl, are planning something similar, I don’t feel so odd! I suppose having some sort of music in the background would be important, just for a bit of atmosphere, so that would be something we’d have to have. I just like having a good chat with people and I find it’s very hard to do when there’s a loud band playing!
Post # 12
We are playing three songs for the wedding ceremony and that is it. There will be no music or DJ at our simple little reception. We really have no regrets about doing it this way at all.
Post # 13
We’re having a keyboard player instead of a band/DJ. We’re playing music from our ipods for our first dance, the father/daughter dance, and mother/son dance, but other than that, it’s just a keyboard player for some light music 🙂 If it helps, our reception is also a cocktail reception.
Post # 14
@penguinmoose: I think a lunch with no dancing is fine. I’m confused, though, about the “and a later tea” idea though. What would you be doing between lunch and tea? People are not going to want to just sit around talking that whole time. If you’re having it outdoors and had lawn games or something, that might work. But I don’t think a lunch in a reception hall followed by…. sitting?….. then later a tea would work. I imagine I would leave after lunch if nothing else seemed to be happening immediately.
Post # 15
@penguinmoose: Here in Australia, no-dancing weddings are fairly common. It’s like a big dinner or banquet rather than a dance party. There are a few short speeches (usually 3 like in the UK tradition: father of bride, groom, best man, though at mine I said a few thank-yous too) and otherwise people move around and talk and socialise.
Post # 16
Are oyu having the wedding outdoors? If you do the lunchtime reception maybe you could have lawn games available for people to play? Like croquet, badminton, things like thaty?