(Closed) No, my parents aren't invited and YES, I AM a good person

posted 9 years ago in Family
Post # 47
Member
941 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@Brooke1226:  You owe them nothing.  No one understands someone else’s relationship.  Period.

I rarely speak to my parents, so I understand why you didn’t invite them.  Don’t let anyone make you feel badly about your decision.  Relationships work two ways and if they aren’t making it a positive relationship, you are under no obligation to continue having one.  

The only family I have is my husband and daughters and honestly, I’m just fine with that.

Post # 48
Member
730 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

WOW. Reading all these comments really helps me because I felt so alone with my “family’s” situation and deciding not to invite my family to my wedding.

Post # 49
Bee
1156 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012 - Oak Tree Manor

@Brooke1226:  Hey, I totally think you made the right choice. Mrs. Palm Tree blogged about this awhile ago – that is a really difficult decision to make, and I’m sorry you’re getting so much crap for your decision!

Post # 50
Member
1125 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@strawbs:  I guess I would expect that regardless of how I met this friend, after I had confided all the horrible things about my parents, they would act like a proper friend and be understanding?

Post # 52
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Brooke1226:  I kind of have the same situation, however not to your degree. My parents are divorced, my dad is an alcoholic, and my mom is deluisional and thinks blood is everything. She remarried, my dad is engaged (about 13 years engaged) to another woman. I would go to my dads houses every other weekend, up until i was around 14 and started working (no time to go to his house an hour away when i worked in a different city), and my dad has not been apart of my life since then. He calls on my birthday and christmas, asks the same three questions: Hows work? How are you? Hows [insert current boyfriend]? Ive come to just know my dad as a man that married my mother and thn had me, but i do not see him as my dad. My step-dad (My mom and him met when i wsa 5) is more of a dad, however i dont like him very much. [in all honesty, i see my future Father In Law as my dad, he taught me how to drive, hes always been there for me, etc.] So when my mom asked is my dad or step-dad would walk me down the aisle, I flat out said “NO”. She then asked me is she could, and again I said “No”, and it seems like im getting heat for not letting them walk me down the aisle to “give me away”…im sorry, you werent apart of my life in a positive way, so why should you get to be apart of it now?

(Sorry for my little rant…haha) But I so see your point of people judging you for having the wedding you want and not what is “right”. Go you!

Post # 53
Member
924 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I agree that you should only invite who you want.  I didn’t invite my step-mother.  My father passed away a few years prior, so it wasn’t like I was telling him to leave his wife behind.  But I was really afraid of the blowback, especially from my sister, who was my Maid/Matron of Honor (she’s my half sister, so I’m talking about her mom, and I was afraid she’d say it was disrespectful to our dad not to do invite her).  But she knew my history with her mom, and was totally fine with it.  This woman couldn’t even be bothered to congratulate me on my engagement.  So when she asked my sister how they were all getting to my wedding (which was out of state for them), my sister said something along the lines of “ummm, I don’t think you’re invited.”  She then unfriended me from FB.  I laugh, she’s such a child.  At the wedding itself, no one said anything about her.  I think those that knew her were relieved that she wasn’t there.  A great time was had by all 🙂

Post # 54
Member
1015 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Brooke1226:  My ‘father’ doesn’t even know I am getting married while my stepmother (they’re no longer married) will be sitting right up front.

My stepfather will be walking me down the aisle. 🙂 I am not even sad about it – it doesn’t affect me in my planning and I just don’t bring it up when I talk to people. I just call my stepdad my Dad and its the end of it.

Also, if he wasn’t around it would be one or both of my grandfathers walking me down the aisle – both helped raise me as well.

Chin up babe – weird families are weird. Let it go and don’t stress over what others think 🙂

Post # 55
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think people just have a hard time understanding it when their family issues are minimal and have mostly been happy. 

I have a sister who is starting to try and call me again (my wedding is two months away) and I know it’s for the purpose of an invite. I haven’t talked to or seen her in a year. I love my sister and I always will. I wish her the best, but I know I can’t allow her in my life anymore. She is a patholigical liar with destructive tendencies and she has always made me the main opponent in whatever game she’s playing. She’s stolen thousands of dollars from me, lied about numerous health issues, put a wedge between every relationship I’ve ever had with someone else, and has been a toxic presence in my life. I hope all the time that she gets the help she needs and is able to live a fulfilling life, but I know that, for the sake of my sanity, I can’t have her around anymore. I can’t have her at a wedding where I worry about her stealing money from the guests. 

You have survived and are happy, despite what your parents put you through. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for that. Your happiness is paramount over a tradition of who gets invited. You may have been born their child, but they weren’t your parents. Just remind yourself that only you can understand your personal situation and only you can do what’s best for yourself. If people don’t understand, it’s because they can’t. Doesn’t mean they’re bad people, they just have different circumstances and views. 

Hang in there. 

Post # 56
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2014

You don’t owe them anything.  You did what was best for you.  Nobody knows what the family dynamic is until you are in there yourself.  I think it’s so rude for people to pass judgement on things without trying to understand why.

Stand strong!  Sounds like you’re doing what’s healthiest and best for you.  Good luck!

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