(Closed) No offense but…

posted 6 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 46
Member
1244 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA

“No offense, but he’s like really attractive … like, conventionally attractive, and you’re … well, you’re a different kind of pretty? I mean, you’re pretty, but not the kind of normal conventionally attractive that he is? Do you know what I mean? No! Don’t give me that look! I’m just pointing it out so you don’t, you know, get your heart hurt. Just be realistic, ok?”

— Former coworker, after seeing a picture of me and my then-brand-new-BF (now FI)

Post # 47
Member
1926 posts
Buzzing bee

Bridey77:  Oh man, I wanted to!! I get comments like that all the time, usually about my clothes being made for dolls or something like that. It’s like because I’m slim I can’t possibly have body issues of my own. It’s extra hard because the second I gain more than a few pounds it’s instantly noticeable, so I can’t even get away with it like taller women can. 

Post # 48
Member
5224 posts
Bee Keeper

musician32992:  I think it might be because super slim is the beauty ideal here in the US(where I’m assuming you’re from), it’s hard for larger women to imagine slim girls having body image issues. I’ve been guilty about this myself. I worked with a super petite lady who came to work one day wearing a men’s tie as a belt. Her waist was so tiny! I teased her about how tiny she is, thinking she’d know I was actually complimenting her on her figure. She was actually really offended by it. I learned from the experience. Since then, if I am going to comment on how someone looks, it is only going to be an out right compliment, and never something that could be misinterpreted as a back handed insult.

 

 

 

Post # 49
Member
5224 posts
Bee Keeper

rachel85:  HHmmmm…..I really can’t, in good faith, encourage people to post identifying photos on this site, but I am really curious to see pic of the two of you! 

I think my husband is better looking than me. I’m average looking, but he thinks I’m cutest, most adorable girl on the planet. Love is blind, lol.

Post # 50
Member
685 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Lalalanelson:  I swear people have no filter. A couple years ago when I got to work (running late, of course) with no make-up on and the Nurse Practioner I work with says to me, are you feeling okay, you look sick? Umm this is just me without make-up but thanks for the concern?! 

Post # 51
Member
1244 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA

Bridey77:  Fiance and I are the same height (5’10”). He’s slim and athletic-looking, olivey skin, dark hair, green eyes. He’s a big nerd but doesn’t fit what you’d expect a big nerd to look like. I’m pale with blotchy skin (rosacea), chubby (size 18/20), and have dishwater blonde hair that doesn’t want to curl OR lie straight, just wave along in an unruly mop. I have some awesome physical features, sure, but I can see why someone would look at us and go “Hmmm … that’s kind of a mismatch.”

 

Of course, the coworker above was just the office b*tch – every workplace has one. She was extremely thin and ate paleo; both of these are perfectly fine and good, but she thought they imbued her with a sense of moral superiority and an obligation to comment on anyone who wasn’t either of those things. There weren’t a lot of girls in the office at the time, so usually we’d all take lunch together and chat. We stopped inviting her after she spent all her time critiquing our meal choices, unsolicited. There was a birthday party in the office once where she was put in charge of cutting the cake, and anyone who she saw as “heavier set”  (size 8 and up, pretty much) got an extremely tiny morsel and everyone else got normal slices. She once came up to me at my desk while I was trying to work and told me how proud she was that I was drinking a diet soda (I never drink regular soda to begin with, but it’s still a jerk move.) She also liked to trash on people who “didn’t respect themselves enough” to maintain weekly manicures or buy designer handbags … a real pill of a person.

 

But living well is the best revenge, and “conventionally attractive” Fiance chose uggo me, so I guess I win 😉

Post # 52
Member
857 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

a few gems from my grandma…

“I don’t know what you did to your hair… you used to be so pretty!” I had gotten highlights 

“You know if you studied more your grades wouldn’t be so bad” after I was bitching that my 4.0 was ruined by an A- in chemistry freshman year of college- I graduated with a 3.88- I studied plenty

“don’t buy that wedding dress… You look chunky” to a dress I like but the store only had a size 2 sample of

“if you wanna serve tacos at your wedding you need to write that in the invitation so people can choose not to attend” because I want to have upscale “fun food” at my wedding. She proceeded to lookup alternate caterers for me with her idea of what wedding food should be (read baked chicken or bland fish)

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 4 months ago by  LittleE3.
Post # 53
Member
1926 posts
Buzzing bee

Bridey77:  I know that people mean well, but compliments like “You’re such a stick!” “You’re so tiny!” and “You could wear doll clothes!” aren’t exactly, well, compliments. You can’t just say I look pretty? I don’t LIKE being this small, because I can’t shop in normal stores and the clothes that fit me are usually VERY expensive. 

Post # 54
Member
5224 posts
Bee Keeper

rachel85:  Your co-worker sounds like she lives in a bubble of her own making. I can only hope she gains 70 pounds when she gets pregnant and learns how the other half lives.

People think it’s an urban legend, but your Fiance is proof positive that there are guys out there who prefer larger women. And no, they are not all losers who live in their mom’s basement and can’t get anyone else. I had a friend like this. He was gorgous! Blond hair, green eyes, adorable face, and a super buff, smokin’ hot bod’.  He liked larger girls. The one he ended up marrying was about 5’6″ and 250 pounds.

My husband is adorable, and well dressed. He’s 5’11, has beautiful hazel eyes, wavy brown hair that is just starting to gray at the temples(it gives him a very distinguished look). His smile is amazing, and he’s a gym rat to boot, so he’s got a nice body. women flirt with him ALL. THE. TIME.

I’m 5′ tall, chubby, and I have scoliosis.  I totally feel you on the hair thing….I never learned how to do mine. I’m also fashion impaired, and never really evolved past my highschool grunge look. Hubby tells me every day how beautiful I am. It really is in the eye of the beholder I guess.

Post # 55
Member
5224 posts
Bee Keeper

musician32992:  You should tell people that you feel hurt by those types of comments. They probably really don’t know they bother you!

You should also play up your figure. I’m sure you are probably gorgeous in the strapless sundresses I always see at the stores. I bet you could totally rock one of those backless, super chic wedding gowns! I love those types of gowns, but you have to be super slim to wear one. I try to imagine my chubby self in a backless, body skimming dress. Yeah, my DDD girls would look awesome with no bra, and the backless part could highlight my crooked spine  On an upside, I could hide my back rolls by attaching some nice lace appliques to them, lol.

Post # 56
Member
1244 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA

Bridey77:  My fashion sense is one thing I’ve spent some time working on, because it doesn’t come to me naturally, and it’s so hard for us fuller-figured ladies to find clothes that work for our bodies instead of being awful shapeless mumus. I have several fabulous items that are retro-style and tailored for my height/figure, and That Coworker once told me “Wow … you look like Joan from Mad Men!” Turns out? She later told a mutual friend she hadn’t really meant it as a compliment. She thinks “vintage is what people say when they can’t afford or are too lazy to buy new fashions.” God, she hasn’t worked in our office in over a year now, and I find my blood pressure rising just thinking back on it lol. I could tell stories all day long. We literally all went out for celebratory drinks when she left.

 

Oh well!! I’m happy with my life, and that’s something that people who think the only “correct” human experience is to do ___________ (usually, whatever THEY do) will never feel.

 

Point being, with a few exceptions (ex: the person above who mentioned suggesting therapy to a struggling friend), “No offense but …” usually falls into the same category as “I’m not racist, but …” or “I don’t have a problem with gay people, but …” in that the next statement is almost always going to be something you should’ve kept to yourself.

Post # 57
Member
1120 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

“No offense but when you’re your height you probably shouldn’ wear heels that high or you look like a bit like a tranny. A convincing one, but still.”- Former best friend.

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