(Closed) No one cares – yay! (long)

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I hope this doesn’t seem rude, but I don’t think it’s entirely fair to expect other people to know things like your wedding colors based on the invitations, to be honest. I also don’t really entirely see why it’s a problem that someone would want to lose weight for the wedding, for whatever the reason. Maybe she just would feel better about her self when standing up in front of other people if she lost weight? She’s still her own person, even though she’s in your wedding.

I do agree that the comments about what you can and cannot afford are rude! That’s not anyone’s business.

It can be frustrating when no one else seems to care about the details, but I often reminded myself during my wedding planning that my wedding just isn’t really as big as deal to most other people as it was to me. This is your wedding, and your marriage, and you are the one doing all of the work, and to most other people (in my case, even close family members), they all had their own lives and own stuff going on and no one really seemed to express any major interest in the nitty gritty. I think that’s normal.

Also, I don’t think one should ever expect gifts, particularly based on the wealth of their guests. Maybe the dinner and their presence was intended to be the gift? It’s nice that they celebrated with him! People coming and celebrating is what is most important, IMO.

I am sorry to hear about your grandfather. I hope that if he were to pass away while you were on your honeymoon that your family would understand that you would have been there if you could have.

It sounds like wedding planning is stressful right now – try to focus on what is most important here- you marrying the love of your life! As long as you end up married to someone wondferful who treats you well, hopefully things like money, gifts, and wedding colors won’t drive you mad.

 

 

Post # 4
Member
3167 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

i read your whole post and i just wanted to say stay strong!!! i’m kind of fuming right now myself so enjoyed your rant… i imagine you stuffing invites down snarky peoples’ throats or throwing DIY supplies at them! >:D i hope getting this off your chest helps and you and your sweet Fiance can move forward. some people just have no sense of themselves and unfortunately you got dropped in a pod of them!

Post # 5
Member
1518 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Im sorry people aren’t appreciating all your work. I got a lot of questions the 2 weeks before the wedding about hotels and colors and everything else that had been answered a thousand times before and it is sooooo frustrating I understand! And like you i was disappointed with gifts because nothing had been bought since my shower… but what i want to tell you i hope doesn’t offend you because it is something that my husband said to me that made me really upset and even caused a fight between us. He said basically what you said in the title of this post… people don’t care. It is not that people don’t care about your wedding or about celebrating with you or that they don’t love you it’s just that our weddings are #1 to us and not really #1 in everyone else’s book. They don’t think about all the work that goes into it and a lot of people (especially if they have never planned a wedding) don’t understand a thing about RSVP etiquette and how hard it is to get a hold of people who don’t or how inconvenient it is to add a +1. 

On the present thing- we got a ton of gifts the week of the wedding and are still having things delievered to the house 2 weeks after the wedding 😉 My mother told me that it is considered normal for people to send gifts up to a month after the wedding date. Basically i went from no gifts to shower to a list of 50+ thank you notes to write. 

About your grandfather- he would probably want you to go on your honeymoon and make the most of it. My grandmother died a month before our wedding and if she only knew how much we cried i think she would have come back and yelled at us for making such a fuss! And your family should be understanding about the situation if that happens- if they label you the bad grand daughter than that is their problem and they are being judgmental and way out of line. And one thing my family did was we said no talking about the funeral no arguing about the estate this is about us and this is our night.. after the wedding you can hash out anything else tomorrow. Everyone was very respectful and no one acted out. 

I want you to do you best to relax and enjoy this time.. anytime someone does something or says something to you that bothers you or frustrates you just answer their questions and let it roll off your back. Do your best to really have a positive attitude and focus on what you need to focus on- not other people’s stuff.

I look back now (about my stresses before the wedding) and i am like why did I let that bother me so much.. that wasn’t that big of a deal. everything turned out fine and everyone had an amazing time!!  

Post # 6
Member
1315 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Hang in there! Maybe the registry thing is cos of people deciding to bring a card & cheque instead? Don’t freak about the diy, you’ll see, you will get lots of compliments, and from people who will only be commenting because they want to, not cos they’re supposed to, as relations. if you know what i mean! Take care! and prayers for Grandad.

Post # 7
Member
1518 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Oh and also we had a ton of people compliment us at the wedding about how much detail we put into it. So in the end they will most likely notice! 

Post # 8
Member
505 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I’m sorry that you are feeling this way and it’s probably because of your fast approaching wedding, but…seriously don’t you think you are complaining about a lot? Isn’t there anything good to focus on.

Who cares about gifts? Shouldn’t you just be excited about getting married to the man you love? Or you just having a wedding for gifts?

And really to think that the men at FI’s work would really give cards or CHECKS!?  I would never expect my guys work to do that nor people at my work.  That is a bit much to expect and very selfish to boot.

And who really cares that your Bridesmaid or Best Man is using your wedding as an “excuse” to get healthy. I’m sure that you would probably complain if she was fat, so its better that she did this.

And not to be rude, but most people won’t get your whole wedding scheme on the invites.  If i got a STD, bridal shower, invite I wouldn’t be looking for a common theme, I’m looking for time, place and date only.  I couldn’t tell you what the color was for the last wedding I went to, I can tell you where it was and when it was.  

So sit back and relax.  As long as you get married who cares about the rest.  On your wedding day you won’t even be thinking about the details.  

Post # 9
Member
154 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

i read all of that. i didnt read all the responses (so excuse me if i repeat what others have said) but I have to say that i hope your day goes perfect after all that nonsense your dealing with. I especially was annoyed on your behalf when i read the Bridesmaid or Best Man thing…it doesnt take a genius to figure out what is going on there lol. Personally, i dont want my BMs to look bad- i want them to be excited and have a good time- but if one of them was doing all that stuff and then trying to say it was going to benefit me in my pictures somehow ide probably be ticked. You cant blame someone for wanting to look nice (dont we all?), but there’s something to be said for a Bridesmaid or Best Man that isnt trying to steal the show.

I was reminded a little of my situation because my budget is small and my FMI and her sisters keep giving me “helpful” suggestions on what to buy and how to do things and their suggestions all involve HUGE expenses that i cannot afford. Every time she calls, i have to politely tell her that although having our wedding at the frou frou country club would be lovely, I cant spend a jillion dollars to have my reception there lol.

People just dont get it and IM finding that what is an acceptable thing to say/do to one person, is greatly different for the next person. Ive had some comments and suggestions from people and a lot of times it rude or inconsiderate but they dont always mean it that way. I think its best to just vent to a good friend when your feeling frustrated and remember that most people have good intentions with that they say and do . : )

Post # 11
Member
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Glad you’re feeling better! Wedding planning is super stressful, I did not enjoy it at all that much. Keep focusing on what’s most important- you and how exciting it is it marry that guy! Congrats!

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