(Closed) No One Else Could Possibly Understand

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
482 posts
Helper bee

im kindof in a similar situation as you right now, i dated my guy 5+ years, i left over his unwillingness to commit. a couple of weeks later he showed up with a ring in hand. but by then i was just… jaded and needed sometime to think it over. we still talk and see eachother occasionally, talked about reconciling but im not so sure. 

 

i remember one of my favorite youtube subscribers who does hair and beauty tips as well was flashing her engagement ring. shes 23 and was almost 2 years into dating when her guy asked. and i couldnt help but feel low about my own lack of commitment. 

 

its a nasty reminder, i know what you mean. i also live up the street from the robbins brothers engagement ring store. they have a big ring logo on the side of their building. i have to drive by that store everyday.. -_- 

 

i get where youre coming from.

 

Post # 4
Member
1059 posts
Bumble bee

@NickiBee:  That sounds like an in-your-face reminder every day. =( How come you’re not so sure about reconciling? Are you just over it?

Post # 5
Member
482 posts
Helper bee

@MariaW:  i wouldnt say im over it, i still love him. i could even forgive him on some level if we did reconcile. but i could never forget that it took me walking away over this issue, for him to propose. it just leaves a nasty taste in my mouth. it shouldve never been that difficult.

 

Post # 6
Member
8041 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@April_Mae:  Oh I don’t know… I think a lot of people would probably understand. It’s hard when you’ve wanted something for soo long (no matter what it is) and it seems to just come easily to some people. This can be said for many things in life.

I hope it all works out for you. Make sure you’re getting back with your ex for the right reasons and that he appreciates you, though.

Post # 7
Member
1059 posts
Bumble bee

@NickiBee:  =( I can imagine how that feels. I’ve had a couple of friends who got married after walking away and it took doing that for the guys to come around, and they still feel hurt about it and that the relationship is different for it. I guess guys don’t understand what walking away takes, and what it means. It’s taken me over a year to do it, and I feel like I’m in shock and broken.

Post # 8
Member
893 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I read your Post and I am going to tell you a story. For 6 years I dated a Jerk!!!!

It took me 2 years to breakup with him. I am not going to drown you with the whole story because it is long and boring. But If a man doesnt want to marry you even if it is important to you. Find yourself another guy DUMP him and move on.

For me it was the same thing he was 5 years older than me. We had been together for 4 years and his sister got offended once because I said that if we werent getting married soon he shoudnt waste my time.

Well….Not only he never proposed like he should have…he bought me a plastic ring like a joke. I keep insisting on us getting married and he wouldnt even want to discuss the issue. He treated me badly. He did mean things to me I just didnt want to see.

Eventually we broke up I forgot completly about him and 3 months later I met my new roomate who within 2 weeks became my boyfriend and 4 months later he proposed!!!! He is my best friend the love of my life and I am sooooooo lucky I Didnt marry that aHole.

some of the reasons I consider myself lucky.

  • I was 10 times hotter than him and yet I always felt like the ugly one.
  • I was unreasonable to want to marry some one I was with after 4 years. 
  • His family showed no support.
  • He was mean and ugly!!!!!!
  • I am smarter richer healthier and more educated.

You will find someone for you!!! But trust me if a man that says loves you still doesnt want to marry you after 1 year DUMP HIM. Dont waste your youth with people like that.

 

Post # 9
Hostess
6500 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2019

Ugh, yes I get this! I feel your pain. We need to keep our chins up and keep strong. We will have our moment and I (keep telling myself) am sure it will be sweeter because of the wait (Maybe?! Hopefully?!!)

Post # 10
Member
1585 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@April_Mae:  I have two answers. I was with my now-fiance for 7 1/2 years before he finally proposed, so I think I am speaking with experience.

 

The first one: YES. Oh my god it is so annoying. You have to be happy for them but you want to smack them. Obviously they’re thinking of themselves, not comparing themselves to anyone else, but it feels like they’re pointing out that you dated for longer for nothing. I had a number of friends meet, date, get married (had kids, and then get divorced actually…) in the time my fiance and I were dating and every time I was happy for them but SO beyond jealous that they got to zoom through the process and I was still just a girlfriend.

 

The second answer: Meh. When you’re already with the person you want to spend your life with, what’s the rush to get married? Some people want to dive in, some don’t see the need to rush as you are already together. Either you’re already together and happy or you won’t work out and there will be less paperwork. Be happy for those around you but remember that no relationship is the same. Some may be a whirlwind 2 week romance before being proposed to, some may take 10 years before you are ready to commit. But if you are already with that person, what does a ring change?

Post # 11
Member
2743 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Disney

I waited 3.5 years into one relationship with no signs of comitment so I do understand you, on the other hand my fiance asked at the 2 year mark. Frankly he and I agree if after 2 years you dont know if you want to settle down with thist person there is something wrong. I’m fine with if you’re young, or dont have the financial means that is different. I’m 32 right now and he’s 42 so for us those weren’t issues. If you’re young likewise 2 years is a long time, 5 years would be an eternity. When you’re older like us 2 years is enough time to make decisions but not a super long time. At 29 when I met my fiance I was also 100% over playing games. I was honest and said I want a realationship that leads to marriage. I’m ready to settle down I’m tired of dating.  I think thats a different perspective than most younger 20 somethings. I think women gravitate towards marraige naturally and some men just sorta stagnate as they get older because they already have it good. The big M word doesnt impress on them as much because they just see how great things are right now.

Post # 12
Member
1540 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@April_Mae:  lmao. I know that some people get engaged after 2 years and *sigh* I’ve had to wait much longer, but I’m okay with that.

It’s the “such a long time!” that kills me.

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