Post # 1
I’m 20 weeks pregnant with our first child, and my husband and I are so excited! Unfortunately, I feel like we are the only ones.
I’m a grad student in a demanding field, and almost everyone I know in my program is single and childless. Even though we are all in the same age group (mid-late 20’s), I feel like I’m just in a different stage of life from everyone around me, and no one can relate. At school the reaction to my pregnancy has been lukewarm at best. I feel like everyone is disappointed in me for not putting my career first. Or they assume that the baby is unplanned and they feel sorry for me! Which I think is insulting.
I don’t have any family or close friends in the state. (I’m relatively new to the area.) Some of my best friends are excited for me, but they are scattered across the country and we rarely see each other anymore. Our family haven’t really expressed excitement about the baby, I think they are still shocked about the pregnancy because we just got married. I know they will love our daughter when she arrives, but they haven’t been saying much about it, and I know many of them think we are too young and too recently married to have a baby.
I really wish I could have a baby shower. I don’t even want gifts, I just want other people to be excited about our baby and to want to celebrate her! My husband says it doesn’t matter what other people think, but I think our daughter deserves that. It makes me feel sad that nobody is jumping for joy about our first child. I just don’t know what to do other than grab people by the neck and say, we are so happy we’re having a baby and she’s going to be the best thing in the world!
Not sure that I had a point to this post, just wanted to vent, so thanks for reading!
Post # 3
That is really unfortunate. I would feel sad too. I feel as though our society doesn’t have priorities strait. Having a baby and a family is much more important than anything else. They probably are just jealous because they aren’t married with children or they can’t understand since they aren’t at that stage yet. At least your friends, family and husband are excited 🙂
Post # 4
First of all, CONGRATULATIONS! Really happy for you! I do agree with your husband that it doesn’t matter what others think; no matter what, this is a beautiful time for you and your little family! Do your parents have other grandkids? With you just being married, they may be just adjusting. I’m sure they are thrilled! Hope you have a geat pregnancy! I still have some time before we TTC–cannot wait!
Post # 5
@caritas: Sorry you’re not having the desired response! If you’re in the 20’s age group a lot of us don’t really get it. I say this because I would have a hard time knowing what to do with a friend’s baby announcement.
Don’t feel bad. It’s just the age bracket. I’m not into babies so I just tell people to name the kid after me when they tell me they are making one. Later on into the pregnancy I think you’ll get a more rallied response. It makes it more ‘real’ for people the closer you get.
Post # 6
I’m sorry 🙁
However, I know we don’t know each other but I am excited for you and your husbands baby! What a joy and blessing!!!!! Keep up the high spirits &
Don’t let them get you down 😉
Post # 7
I’m sorry you’re feeling that way about something so important. It really sucks when you’re thrilled about something but everyone else is sick of hearing it (or just plain don’t care).
Just my two cents though – maybe these people (especially your colleagues) aren’t too excited for you because they feel that, once you have a baby, they won’t really see you anymore (or the baby). I find it very difficult to get excited about co-workers’ children because, when most people take maternity leave from my career, they don’t tend to come back and, unless I’m really close with them, I’m probably never going to see their baby. Sure, when I first find out I’ll be happy for them, but it would be like getting excited about someone’s wedding when you’re not invited. Yeah, it’s cool they’ve reached this point in their lives, but it’s not really anything to do with me.
On the other hand, if it’s a close friend or a family member, then I couldn’t be happier! I may not always show it (because it is hard to be excited for someone else for nine whole months), but the feeling is there.
Post # 8
I don’t know your friends or family, but I know mine. Their response to things like this is always underwhelming. It’s not that they aren’t excited, they just don’t want to seem like they are meddling or saying the wrong thing! Especially at 20 weeks you probably aren’t showing that much yet and there is still a ways to go.
I’m sure they’ll come around when the baby is here. You live with this excitement everyday, but it probably just isn’t “real” for them yet, if that makes sense.
Post # 9
Thanks everyone for the encouragement! My DH is the oldest in his family and the first among all his siblings and cousins to get married and have kids, so I guess nobody can relate or know what to say. His dad did say he always wanted to be a grandfather, but never thought it would be so soon. I’m an only child but many of my cousins have children, so my side has been more happy about the news.
We live across the country from our families, so we won’t get to see them until awhile after the baby’s born, which sucks. I feel like there would be more excitement if we could talk in person and they could see my bump (which is HUGE already). We send our close relatives ultrasound photos and updates but with the lukewarm reactions we’ve been getting, I feel like maybe it’s an annoyance.
We’re 26, and I think it’s the perfect time to start our family, but most of our friends who are the same age don’t even have kids (or marriage) on their radar. Among my friends in grad school, getting pregnant has been like a running joke and it’s horrifying to them. I guess I can understand why people react the way they do, but it still makes me feel bad that I feel like I don’t have anyone here who’s “on my side”. Except my husband of course.
Anyway I just want to say again how happy I am that we’re going to be parents! We just found out last week that it’s a girl, which I had been sure of from the very beginning. I am SO excited to meet her and we can’t stop talking about “our daughter”!
Post # 10
@caritas: You’re not alone. No one but my DH and I are excited about our baby that’s due in one week and when ever I talk about him to my family it seems like I’m just bothering them. It’s really upsetting. But as long as the two of you are over the moon that’s all that matters.
Post # 11
I want to say CONGRATULATIONS!!!! I know our families would call us stupid as we just got married, and I just graduated law school, so I can kind of relate although we aren’t actually pregnant. Maybe you and DH take a babymoon or even a staycation to celebrate between the two of you (if you get a break during your program)!
Post # 12
Just wanted to say girls are great:) Congratulations!
Post # 13
There was a girl in our grad program that got pregnant this year. Hers was not planned, but everybody treatdd it like “Oh…that really sucks…are you dropping out, then?”. It’s just the age, and some people just don’t get excited about babies.
Sorry, hang in there and congrats 🙂
Post # 14
Don’t you worry-as soon as that baby arrives, the families will be thrilled to see their little granddaughter and this will be all over.
Post # 15
What a tough situation…I would be sad, too. Hopefully as your pregnancy progresses and things become more ‘real’, more people get on board and celebrate the little princess inside you!
And for what it’s worth, *I’m* SUPER EXCITED for you!!! (and a wee bit jealous….it will be a few months before DH and I will TTC but I’m ready now!) Keep us posted on your pregnancy 🙂
Post # 16
congratulations! what a bummer that other people aren’t expressing their excitement, but it’s such an exciting time!