Post # 1
Lately I’ve heard more and more people saying “of course I love him and want to marry him, but if it doesn’t work out, oh well.”
NO THIS IS NOT OKAY. My parents have been together for 25 years. FI’s parents have been together for 30-something years. His Grandparents have been together for 60-something years and my grandparents have passed but were together until death. I just can’t stand the people who go into marriage with the mindset that if it doesn’t work out they can just get divorced. Marriage is supposed to be something so beautiful and healthy and a life-long commitment.
Is there something I am missing? Even songs on the radio such as Drake’s “Miss me” have lyrics that suggest not getting married for love but “just to say we did it” :
“I love Nicki Minaj ,I told her ,I’d admit it,I hope one day we get married ,just to say we f-cking did it”source
Post # 3
I’m pretty sure one of my DH’s best freinds will end up getting married out of obligation (they’ve been together for a long time, he introduced her to his daughters, etc). He’s already joked about his “third” wife, meaning he already believes he’ll get married to his gf and probably get divorced.
I don’t think people go in with the intention of getting divorced, but with the understanding that there are limits to a relationship and you can still be a whole and happy person if it doesn’t work out. That seems healthy to me. I have no intention of ever getting divorced, but I definitely have my “Lovebusters” and Darling Husband knows exactly what those are.
Post # 4
Im not sure if its an actually thought or a defense mechanism… I am surrounded by divorce… but it doesnt make it ok, in fact in terrifies me because I know what it does to people, families, children… You have to look at the source…. and that its become “easy”in essense to get a divorce… sad…. My mom asked me the other day if I was sure I wanted to marry Mr. eseds and I told her I was just terrified to get a divorce.. We have a good relationship but it is not without its faults… and maybe making jokes about the ease of divorce is one way people deal with the scariness
Post # 5
i’ve heard some divorced people say that they KNEW when they got married that it would end in divorce. that’s sad to me.
Post # 6
I really havent heard anyone say they would be ok if their marriage doesnt work out. But different people have different mind set, some people bail out of marriage at the slightest problem and others just rush into marrying the wrong person to begin with, but i dont think anyone is really ok with divorce
Post # 7
@blondeeebuckeye: I think if people expect it or predict it it is really sad.
I think others just recognize reality. Maybe its a bad thing to think divorce is so easy because people may not work as hard to make something work as they might have.
On the other hand people don’t feel obligated to stay if its emotionally, physically or even financially destructive.
Do I want or expect it? No. Especially since we are not married so young (28 and 32) and have a lot figured out already. Do I realize that it potentially go down that path despite our expectations now, yes. Do I always think its the worst way to solve something? No. I have witnessed several second marriages that were worlds better than the first.
Post # 8
I can only speak for myself, but I definitely would not be marrying my Fiance if I didn’t intend to spend the rest of my life with him. But marriage means different things to different people.
Or maybe when people say things like, “if it doesn’t work out…” they’re just trying to be realistic. The truth is, none of us know for sure that it’s going to be forever. Things change, people change. It’s sad and it’s hard to think about, but it happens, and when it does happen it’s often for the best.
Post # 9
One of my best friends made comments AT her wedding reception about how her husband will make a good “first husband”. I’m amazed they’re still married.
Post # 10
There was an episode of Bridezillas where the bride kept calling her wedding her FIRST wedding. It really digusted me.
Post # 11
My parents have been together for 25 years, so I have seen first hand that marriages do still work. I couldn’t see myself marrying someone that I didn’t feel was made for me in everyway. SO and I are two halves of a hole. We have the same silly quirks, and views on everything. I only plan on getting married once, so I better get it right the first time! But like MightySapphire, I have my deal-breakers.
I don’t think anyone goes into a marriage expecting it to fail, but I think many people may not take it that seriously to begin with.
Post # 12
I wonder the same thing since all of the marriages of weddings that I have attended, except for 2 couples, have ended in divorce. At least one person in the couple was 23 or younger when they married.
Post # 13
@blondeeebuckeye: Oh man. I couldn’t put myself through that, expecting it would fail. In a lot of cases a marriage joins a lot more than two people. It joins families and friends. Why would anyone risk putting everyone through that?
Post # 14
@enoh102: Even though most people who say this are probably joking (I hope). I dont think its a good joke. I would be insulted if my FH said that. I know if I said it my FH would also not like it.
Post # 15
His mom is on her 3rd husband, his dad is about to marry his 3rd wife, and my dad is getting divorced from his 4th wife. We both agree that we don’t want to get a divorce. It wouldn’t only hurt us, it would hurt our son too. We have both been threw it and we don’t want to drag our little boy into one. We have agreed on that from day one. If we get married there is no turning back…unless it comes to cheating. That’s the only deal braker for us and neither of us believe in cheating.
Post # 16
@enoh102: I saw that episode too and it shocked me! My husband (FI at the time) and I looked at each other and were like “Um, did she just say that?” She sounded dead serious too, but who knows what’s serious on that show.