Post # 1
I’m not sure how to feel right now…my Fiance and I are finally starting to get things booked for our wedding in october…we are on a tight budget…not a single bridesmaid or the maid of honor has been able to help or offered to help me with anything…not dress shopping decoration ideas nothing..they dont cal, email, anything…no one offered to throw us an engagement party…no one has even brought up a bridal shower or bacholorette party….no one has even brought up dress shopping…don’t get me wrong, i’m not greedy or need these things..i’m just kinda hurt that no one has brought it up…i have helped with weddings before..gone to the bacholorette nights and bridal showers …it’s customary and traditional…i would absolutely do anything for any one of these ladies and i would make sure each and every one of them had these experiences with their wedding and wedding planning no matter how broke i was i would find a way to do this for them…am i not worth doing this for or with? i dnt get it…maybe i should just except that i have to plan this on my own and figure everything out on my own with my girls help or support like most brides get…i feel like my wedding isnt even real because no body seems to care …uhg…should i just let it go and not think about it anymore?
Post # 3
Did you ask them to go dress shopping, plan a shower, decorate, etc?? If you didn’t than maybe they are waiting on you. I understand your frustrations but remember that its your wedding, not theirs. Even though they are in the bridal party doesn’t mean that they haveeee to help. Its traditional and respectful, but not mandated. I wouldn’t sweat it. Do what you have to do and if they help thats great but if not its their loss.
Post # 4
Also it’s a bit early for a shower. I know my girls have just started talking about mine. Why don’t you just ask if they were planning on doing something? Tell them you want to make sure the dates are on the calendar.
Post # 5
They might think it is still early in the process and you have a while to go, and typically those things are done closer to the date. I have been a bridesmaid and moh three times. To be honest I didn’t offer to help with decorating,engagement parties, and I figured when the bride was ready and made choices I would go shopping.
I love my friends but I hadn’t been married so I didn’t really care about wedding planning at that point in my life. I didn’t get excited until it got closer to the wedding. One of the girls who I was a bridesmaid for I no longer talk to because how she behaved. These girls aren’t mind readers if you could use their help ask them. Also realize some of them are just not into weddings and so they aren’t going to be thrilled about it, but if they love you will most likely come through and help. I think if I was a bridesmaid now I would handle it much differently just because now I know all of the crazy details that go into a wedding.
But some of the things like bridal showers and engagement parties are things I thought family members do and aren’t the responsibility of your friends. I think you have huge expectations of these girls.
I suggest you wait until you are able to be calm and ask them to make a timeline for bridal shower/bachlorette. Tell them you would really appreciate their help for a weekend or too if they can make it. This is your wedidng and at the end of the day ulitmatly your responsebility and not theirs. I think venting and getting your feelings out is a good first step! Good luck, and I hope these girls come through for you!
Post # 6
yeah i have asked their opinions on dresses, what they would preffer etc. where they would feel comfortable purchasing and trying them on and so on, all but one of them are plus size and i know it will be harder for them to find dresses that they love and fit them comfortably, but they just ignore it and dont seem to care, non of them return calls emails texts nothing, so i just dont bother with it at this point. I talked to my Fiance about it and asked him if it would be better if i just had my sister by my side on the wedding day and scratching everyone else…he says we have to have a bridal party etc etc…I also understand that some people just arent into weddings, but if you arent interested at all wouldn’t you just decline instead of just going along with it and being misrable?..uhmmm idk …i just don’t understand…maybe i’m over thinking it, i guess i just figured they would be excited and want to offer help, specially help when it comes to what they will be wearing, i’m offering to pay for dresses etc if they cant afford it…I think i’m afraid that since they dont seem to care at all about their dresses or anything that its just going to be even harder later on down the road when it’s time for them to actually order the dresses …uhmm maybe i’m just over thinking it and need to let it go
Post # 7
The thing is I was excited for my friends to get married but I didn’t have a clue about the hard work that goes into them. I think its rude to not return calls or text however sometimes brides espically when the pressures on and are in the thick of planning are insufferable(at least it felt that way) because all they want to talk about is wedding wedding wedding, and if your not getting married it tends to get a little boring. I also think you shouldn’t think (at this point) that your friends don’t care about you. Set a day to go out for lunch or dinner or to hangout at your house and hopefully the can come over and you can talk to them face to face maybe that would make it easier!
If you truly don’t want these girls in your wedding party and you aren’t just frustrated and upset at them, then you don’t have to have a wedding party if its just going to add too much stress for you. I get where you coming from because people who haven’t plan weddings have no clue at the amount of work invovled and how you have to use your time wisely.
The only other thing I could suggest is sending athem some options give them a date to get back to you with their thoughts and ask them to pick out days when most of them can go shopping. Also talk to them but just don’t go overboard with things like engagement parties and showers. I hope they become more excited as the wedding becomes closer and more real to them.
Post # 8
If I were in your shoes, and my bridal party was ignoring me, I would drop them regardless of what my Fiance said. Theyre not not helping, they are being disrespectful and that crosses the line In My Humble Opinion. You dont deserve to feel the way you feel because of their ways. You should be happy and having fun. I wouldn’t want people who bring me down standing up with me on the alter.
Post # 9
I haven’t had anyone offer to help me with any of those things either… I had to find their dresses on my own and I’ve asked them about the bach party and the bridal shower but they all shrug it off. Our budget is beyond spent and no one wants to help so I don’t know if I should throw my own parties or just let it go and be sad for a while… I feel your pain on this!
Post # 10
@HappilyEverAfter54: well im glad im not the only person in this boat
Post # 11
I know how you feel.. sort of. I’m not as far along in planning but it seems like no one is excited or interested. Even my mom is kind of meh about it. I know people have their own lives but you would think that someone would be like “hey let me know if you need someone to go dress shopping with!” or “how far have you gotten with X?” Some kind of interest especially if they have already signed on to the wedding party. Maybe try getting the ball rolling by emailing them and getting together to look at dresses or even just a girl’s night dinner to catch up?
Post # 12
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
You can’t just sit around and wait for other people to take initiative. It’s way too early to be planning anything like a bachelorette party or bridal shower, and parents (or the couple) are the ones who usually throw an engagement party. As for dress shopping, you should be asking them to go with you, not the other way around. Your wedding is not the most important thing in their lives right now, nor should it be.
Post # 13
I personally don’t think engagement party is a must, unless you have extra money to spend. I have never been to an engagement party personally so I don’t know how it usually works out.
Like the other bees said, bridal shower/bachelorette party are usually closer to wedding so it’s too early to plan unless you are thinking somewhere out of town.
As for engagement party, you probably don’t want to wait for too long. My advice is to either talk to one of your close relative to help throw you one, or ask at least one of the girls, (at least the MOH) to help plan with you. I think the girls might not be not-caring but they don’t know if the bride wants one. My sister didn’t have the shower nor the party because she didn’t want one.
I think the bottom line is: it’s your wedding so if you want something I think you should voice out and ask your girls to help make it happen. Not all the girls are born to plan parties and believe, not even the bride knows what she wants. I have seen weddings where the BMs are more excited than the bride!
If you want the shower and party, I think you can casually let your girls know you want one to happen and then go from there. Have a girls gathering if that makes it easier to talk to them all at once.
It’s your wedding and I am sure you don’t want to miss out anything. Talk to the girls to make it happen 🙂
Post # 14
I agree with a bunch of the PP. It’s still very very early for showers/bachelorette parties. My mom and my sister(MOH) are planning those and the shower isn’t until the end of July and my bachelorette is going to be two days before my wedding because my sister wants to have it when all my BMs can be there (she, my fsil, and my cousin all live considerably out-of-state: Upstate NY, VA, TX respectively).
Also, maybe they’re all talking to each other and your Maid/Matron of Honor and/or Mom and have already started planning a surprise and don’t want you to catch on? Did you think of that?
You should be the one to make an appointment to look at dresses and then tell them when it is and see how many can make it. If they can’t make it then you pick their dress without them and they deal with it, they said they’d be a bridesmaid and if you pick a dress they don’t like then maybe they will realize that they should have given you more input.
If they have all changed their minds and don’t want to be in your wedding then fine. Don’t have a big wedding party. Just have your Maid/Matron of Honor. You’re not REQUIRED to have a large party. Take a deep breath and relax. Everything will be fine.
Post # 15
My bridesmaids only got really interested about 5-6 months before the wedding. This is plenty of time to find and order dresses etc. The shower you dont need to plan really till a few months before tops so give them time and the bachelorette party can be put together quickly and a few weeks before the wedding. With this being said them never ever responding to texts and emails isnt really cool but I wouldnt give up quite yet. Give them a little them and ask them to meet up and you can go through dress ideas and all that fun stuff then.