Post # 46
And now I’m ridiculous and self-absorbed? You don’t even know me. May I be so bold as to suggest that you think about the way you talk to people, even strangers on the internet?
I’m not saying it’s right or wrong. I’m saying this is what it looks like to me. Maybe it’s bad timing or bad luck. Maybe the majority of your guests prefer meat. I don’t know, they’re not my family. My DH is descended from a long line of butchers, his family would not come.
Since OP says she offered guests a visit to a BBQ place, I am assuming after the reception, it doesn’t appear that the objection is moral or religious.
So the ones who are coming, OP, these are the people who really care about you.
Post # 47
For those commenting about being a vegetarian or vegan (of which I am and my kids as well, we are 2 vegetarians and 2 vegans in the family), and still going to meat serving weddings even though we don’t like the food, here’s the thing:
We are used to not always having a dish we can eat when we go to parties or weddings. We are prepared (generally) and we are accomodating because we realize (sadly) we are generally in the minority.
People who aren’t used to that my feel perhaps affronted or disgrunteled or like it is impolite not to offer them food the enjoy eating at festivities or WHATEVER. It is what it is.
Is it ridiculous? Is it a double standard? That is a matter of opinion. But I do know that people’s food choices are a very highly sensitive issue (as any vegetarian or vegan will tell you) so I don’t think there is any point talking about those folks being meanies and selfish or ridiculous.
I do think it’s a sad situation for the OP if it is indeed a contributing factor in her low attendance rate. But she will never know for sure, because I don’t think anyone would truly out and say it is and also because it’s pretty much a done deal.
As far as your grandparents go, for older folks (who may have attended a wedding two years ago) a few years really does make a big difference in mobility and energy at that age. Try not to take it personally, I am sure they love you and wish you the best!
OP: I applaud you making the best of your now “intimate wedding” Please post a recap of sorts and let us know how your day went! 🙂
Post # 48
Gotta be honest here; people would decline if there is no meat at the wedding meal. While it sucks, it is true. I just attended my cousin’s wedding. He was more like a little brother to me, so no matter what I was going to attend. His wife is a vegetarian, so I was curious if there would be no meat at the wedding. Well, they had chicken! But, the rest of the dishes except for cocktail hour was vegetarian. I know for a fact that people really care about the food. It is just one meal, I know, but people have ridiculous wedding expectations. I would be willing to bet money that is the true reason why some of them are not coming. Weddings can bring out the worst in people… I agree with PPs, upgrade like mad.You are luckier than you feel. You have 14 people who are totally in your corner. Your wedding will be lovely and you will be on cloud nine that day no matter who is there because you will be marrying your FI!
Post # 49
Sorry, bee 🙁
I would not have people bring random groups of friends but maybe you could let people coming alone bring a plus one (if you aren’t already)?
Post # 50
Thank you so much for the input everyone, I appreciate hearing from both sides. Sometimes it’s hard to gain perspective when something is so close to your heart! My two cents on the vegetarian menu issue: Was I thinking selfishly when I planned a vegetarian wedding? Probably. But I had hoped that I had provided enough options (the BBQ and Steakhouse Vouchers, mini pizza appetizers, etc) that everyone could make it one meal without meat. I have no way of knowning, and will probably never know, if the menu is the reason for the low turnout but it is what it is now.
I plan to eat good (vegetarian :D!) food, dance to good music, and spend the evening with those closest to me, and most of all marry my best friend!
Post # 52
Well, obviously food is more important to ‘some’ people than celebrating someone’s special day. I don’t think I want to spend my hard-earned money feeding those self-absobed people who can’t compromise for ONE meal. Bee, you did nothing wrong. Hugs to you. Have an amazign wedding day. Obviously, people who actually care will be there. That’s all matter. 🙂
Post # 53
I don’t get all the hate. I am a meat eater but there are plenty of tasty veggie options. In fact we eat a vegetarian diet sometimes for health reasons. I also have major food allergies and I always pack a snack just in case the food is unsafe for me. I always give people a heads up. I would never expect my vegan or veggie friends to serve me a big ol hunk of meat. I mean really.
I’m sorry op, but I really think you’re going to have a great time. You’re going to be able to sit and talk to everyone and now there will be so much food that no one will be hungry! Enjoy!
Post # 54
I obviously don’t know you at all, but I have to ask a question. Are you really preachy about being a vegetarian? Are you very outspoken about your feelings? I know a couple of people that are vegetarians and I cannot stand to be around them (and have thus make a conscious effort to be around them a lot less) because they are very outspoken. Every chance they get, they tell you how bad the meat industry is, how cruel the animals are treated and how unhealthy it is to eat meat. I like meat, I need meat for my protein source because I cannot tolerate soy and I have a tree nut allergy so I don’t like to be “reminded” about my choices. If you were the kind of person that tried to make people feel bad about eating meat and I knew you were having a vegetarian only reception, I would consider declining. In that case, it wouldn’t be about not having meat for one meal, as I order vegetarian entrees on occassion when I eat out, but the general attitude.
Could something like that be the case here?
Post # 55
I feel so sorry for you, OP. That’s just awful. I truly hope your guests really couldn’t attend and assumed everyone else would, so it wouldn’t be too big of a deal. Just have a fabulous intimate wedding! If anyone really wouldn’t go to a wedding of a friend or family member just because the food will be vegetarian, that is entirely nutty and they need to open up their world. I would even go to a wedding where there was NO food. That’s not the point of a wedding.
Post # 56
No one ever thinks they are, but I don’t think I am like that! I don’t talk about it with others other than telling people I am vegetarian and I have no problem that others eat meat, I just choose not to myself. My fiance and I (who is vegetarian too) just wanted our day to be one where we could eat all our favorite foods. Every guest invited knows we’re both vegetarian and we let people know there wouldn’t be a meat option in the invites so no one was blindsided. On the other hand, my closest cousin, who is practially a carnivore (I once caught her dipping steak in chocolate fondue) is coming even though there is no meat involved so I don’t know that the menu is the culprit, but as I mentioned before I’ll never know!
Post # 57
I’m a photograher and I’ve done TONS of weddings with less than 20 people. In all honesty, they are the best weddings because they are so intimate. It’s actually the in thing now…small weddings with everyone standing around (instead of seated) and a family-style supper to end the day. Embrace it!
Post # 58
I doubt it’s purely the menu. We’re having a vegetarian wedding too but aren’t telling anyone apart from my parents and closest friends who have asked. If FI’s family (parents and BIL) ask, we’ll tell but so far they haven’t asked, I think they don’t want to know the answer! However, those who do know are fine with it – and I know some of them aren’t the type to shy away from telling me their true thoughts.
For what it’s worth my parents had 4 guests at their wedding as my Mum’s parents disapproved of her marrying someone English and said they, and all her family, would boycott. Dad’s family weren’t fussed as he’d done the big white wedding with his ex-wife. So they ended up with just a few close friends, a photographer, got married, went to the pub and then went for a Chinese and had a whale of a time. They were able to pay for all drinks and food (at UK weddings cash bars are the norm so everyone expects to pay for their drinks as guests). Honestly they loved having an intimate wedding and I’m sure yours will be lovely and you’ll have lots of time to enjoy speaking to each guest beyond the usual ‘hi, thanks so much for coming’.
Post # 59
Nobody who really cares about you would decline your wedding invitation just because you were serving a vegetarian menu.
I’m sure you will have a beautiful day!
Post # 60
I think there has to be something missing.
“I sent my invitations out 9 months in advance to give people lots of time to plan and save” — Since most of your guests are local, what is different about your wedding that would make it necessary to send invitations out 7-8 months earlier than usual? Is there some reason your guests need 9 months to plan and save, as opposed to the 1-2 months that most other guests have?
“we let people know there wouldn’t be a meat option in the invites” — Can you give more details about how you let people know? Like, did you list the menu options and they’re all vegetarian, or did you put a note at the bottom about “due to….. the meal will be meatless” or something? How did you provide the BBQ coupons and what was said with those?