Post # 1
In my family / location / cultural group, bridesmaids almost always pay for their own dresses. All of my bridesmaids know this- one of them is getting married a few months before me (and I paid for my bridesmaid dress for her wedding), and they’ve paid for their own dresses for any weddings they’ve been in before.
Still, my fiancé and I wanted to help our bridesmaids out with the cost of their dresses, since none of them have a ton of extra cash right now. The store requires a 50% payment to order (other 50% due on delivery), so we paid the initial 50% payment. Not one of them said “thank you.”
I know that it’s a dress for OUR wedding, and that in a lot of cultures the bride always covers the cost of the dress. However, that’s not the norm for any of them, and it’s a dress they all agreed on and said they liked (and most said they’d wear it again).
It’s not a huge deal, but I’m kinda upset that none of them even acknowledged what we did. I don’t expect them to be eternally indebted to us or anything- we really did do it just because we wanted to help them out- but a simple “thanks” or “that was nice” isn’t too much to ask for, is it? Obviously, I’m not going to say anything to them about it, but it does bother me a little. Am I being crazy?
Post # 3
I’d be a little hurt, too, but all you can do at this point is let it go 🙁 If they didn’t say anything yet, they probably won’t, and this isn’t worth making you miserable over!
Post # 4
@PinkBubbles: Really? I Would have just said, here’s your dress…You’re welcome:)
Post # 5
That is just bad manners!
Post # 6
No I’d be a little miffed too. It’s just a common curtesy when you do something for someone. I definitely wouldn’t say anything or hold a grudge, but it would certainly rub me the wrong way! Don’t worry, you’re not crazy 🙂
Post # 7
Ouch! That hurts
(( HUGS )) to you
That was a very kind & considerate offer, you would think at least one of them would have said Thank You
Is it possible that they were overwhelmed with all of the stuff going on at the time ? Guessing that perhaps this all went down in the Store… a busy dress appointment with them trying on dresses, you figuring out the details, then paying for it.
Maybe give them the benefit of the doubt for a bit… see if they don’t say something to you the next time they see you in person.
But otherwise… ya, not cool.
Post # 8
even as a bride, my stance on bridesmaids paying for their own addresses has not changed. i think the tradition is so backwards and i don’t understand why it’s so accepted.
Post # 9
@PinkBubbles: We’re covering 30% of the cost for their dresses, and I paid for all of it in full when they were ordered because I knew they were short on cash. I told them that they could just pay me back later when they had the money. I didn’t get a “thank you”, but just an “ok”. I wasn’t upset much over it, but I do hope that I end up seeing that money and also not months & months down the road.. The dresses weren’t even very expensive. (They were to cover $100 because that’s what they were comfortable with, and I said I’ve cover anything over that). They’re paying for the shoes which will be inexpensive. I’m paying for the flowers (of course) and their jewelry for the wedding. They’re doing their own makeup, and I’m not sure what we’re doing about hair yet.
Post # 10
Bridesmaids paying for their dresses may not be as common in your area as you believe. It’s possible they are expecting you to thank them for paying for the other half (if you have already made it clear you expect them to).
Around here, yes, special bridesmaid dresses are part of the wedding costs, they are not even like gifts to the bridesmaids, because it’s an outfit the bride picked out for the bride’s purposes. The fact that they are willing to wear whatever it is the bride wants, and stand where she wants, etc. is supposed to be the favor.
Post # 11
- Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World
I would be a little pissed too…a simple thank you would have been the right thing to do. Perhaps they dont’ know yet that you paid for half? Maybe they thought you did it but they intend on paying you their half?
Post # 12
Yeah I think that’s pretty rude of them, but I’d probably let it go. Maybe they’re embarassed that the dresses got paid for? Either way, I don’t think it’s anything to be mad about for long.
Post # 13
@PinkBubbles: Is it possible they thought you just paid the deposit because it was needed now and they are meant to pay you back?
I think it’s only polite to say thank you regardless. I mean, it’s expected that people who come to your bridal shower bring a present, but we still send thank you notes. It’s expected that a young man will hold the door open for an older lady, but she should still say thank you. Paying for half the dress, even if that was what is expected in your culture, still deserves a thank you. People have no manners.
Post # 14
@PinkBubbles: that is so sweet of you. I can’t believe people don’t have the decency to thank people and takes things for granted 🙁
maybe they will thank you later?
Post # 15
Wow, even kindergarteners know how to say “thank you.” That would bother me, too. Sorry to hear that!
Post # 16
I’m torn. Did you initially agree that the bridesmaids would pay for their own dresses, or was that just an assumption you made based on trends in your area?
If they from the beginning expected to pay for their dress and you covered half of that (and the dress was within the originally agreed upon budget, so it’s not like you’re covering part of it because what you wanted went over what they told you they could afford), I agree that it’s a misstep for them to not thank you. I wonder like some other posters whether maybe they weren’t aware you paid this cost, especially if they weren’t with you when you made the deposit and you communicated just the amount left to be paid.
On the other hand, if you didn’t discuss paying for dresses from the beginning, or if your bridesmaids’ financial situations are especially tight, I can imagine they might be thinking, ‘I still have to come up with $x for a dress for PinkBubbles’ wedding’ instead of ‘wow! PinkBubbles paid for half the dress!’. No matter how much I like a bridesmaids dress, or think I’ll wear it again, buying it for a wedding means having to make the purchase instead of being able to think it over and maybe decide that it’d be better to save that money right now, which might explain why an otherwise polite friend might see this purchase as more of a favor she’s doing you than you’re doing her.