No one wants to date a single mom

posted 6 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
464 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2020 - City, State

Easy for me to say, but don’t get too down. I’ve had many single mom friends find true love, and almost every such marriage I know of happens to include a husband who has taken to the stepfather role brilliantly. I mean zero offense – but do you have anything on your profile about looking for a dad or stating something about “package deal” or something along those lines? I have had a couple guy friends who say that, while they are okay dating a single mom, if she mentions anything about bonding with the child(ren) in their online dating ad, they worry that the moms are mostly looking to make a family ASAP, and that freaks them out a little bit. Good luck out there – dating can be so frustrating, but when you meet “the one” it is the best feeling.

Post # 3
Hostess
4094 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I have 2 kids, D H doesn’t have any. I deliberately set out to date a guy who didn’t have any kids of his own, and also one who didn’t want to make any more kids. I know that sounds like a pretty specific set of standards, but it was pretty important to me and I found him! I also didn’t need a man to be a dad to my kids, they have a great dad, and now they have a great step dad who fills his own little niche in their lives. I definitely dated my share of duds in my time with online dating, but that is exactly what online dating is, a numbers game. You can’t let it get you down. And I agree with PP, does your profile say stuff about your kid and being a package deal? I can see how that would come across as pretty needy. I think you should focus on fostering a relationship with a guy just the 2 of you for quite a while before your kid even becomes part of the deal. Does your son have a dad in his life? Do you have family nearby? Can you date without having to take your son along? I know that dating was a TON easier for me because my kids have a supportive dad who was able to keep them while I went on dates, and I know that isn’t something everyone has in their lives, which can definitely complicate things. 

I feel like you need to bolster yourself up for this quest of online dating, it can be a long, hard road. And you need to remove all mass generalizations from your mind. There literally is no one specific thing that “all guys like to do” and negative thinking like that isn’t going to help you. You will find the right guy if you persevere, and keep a positive outlook! 

Post # 4
Member
504 posts
Busy bee

How old are you?

I was a young single mom and dating was basically impossible. I could meet men easily but they either admitted they werent ready or they tried to pretend and it became clear quickly they were not mature enough yet.

I did eventually meet my husband in my early 30’s and we had a baby together while my first child turned 17. Not ideally how I would have planned it, but its all great now. I love my husband and my kids and Im glad I waited for the right person the second time 🙂

Post # 5
Member
1508 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2021 - Kauai, HI

I’m divorced twice with 4 kids and found someone amazing. I was 28 with 3 kids the first time. I felt completely undatable. Be patient, put yourself out there.  Be upfront about the fact that you’re a mother.  Keep your child out your relationship until it becomes serious.  Have fun in the meantime! There will be a lot of Mr. Wrongs along the way.  If you’re really young you may have trouble finding a man that is ready to settle down.  Don’t lose hope, the right one will love that you’re a package deal. Good luck bee!

Post # 7
Member
225 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2018

I’m sorry to hear it, but I think it must be the age of men.  Possibly consider dating a man in his 30s–much more likely to expect a woman might have kids.  I was dating in my late 30s with a 7yo daughter, and found plenty of guys who thought it was NBD.  I also wanted a man with no kids and found one and married him.  They’re out there!

Post # 8
Member
7225 posts
Busy Beekeeper

would you be open to dating guys with kids? Or are you looking specifically at men without?

Post # 9
Member
5818 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

It know hearing it won’t make you believe it but 25 is not old, and it is very young to have children. It’s no surprise you’re struggling to find guys around your age who are ready to take on a girlfriend with a 6 year old. All the guys I know at 28-30 are barely ready to consider marriage never mind children. I think if you up the age bracket of guys you’re considering then you will find guys who are more open to dating a parent. 

Post # 10
Member
6934 posts
Busy Beekeeper

You are still so young! Most of the guys your age probably are more interested in having a good time than they are in being a step-dad to a six year-old. That doesn’t mean all men are. You may need to increase your age range. Are you open to a man who also has a child or children?

I’m a single mom getting married again, but older and marrying a man who is also divorced with children. It is absolutely possible, it happens all the time.

I wouldn’t include pics of your son online–it’s a crazy world. You may mention him but men should have to prove themselves before they get to know him. 

What are you doing to focus on your own life? Education? Are you solid in your career? Involved in any causes that interest you? A single parenting group? 

Post # 11
Member
9898 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

25 is still plenty young.

My suggestion would be to date guys at least 5 years older than you. I don’t think I knew any guys in my mid-twenties who were ready to get married, let alone take on a step-parent role. I know my husband (and myself) have only started to feel ready for kids now that we are 29 and won’t start TTC until we are both 30.

I really wouldn’t stress about it. You are young. You have plenty of time to find a guy.

Post # 12
Member
3500 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

Probably not what you want to hear, but at 25 you simply can’t expect guys around your age to want to get into a serious relationship with someone who has a 6 year old child. Doesn’t make them immature or assholes or any other negative descriptor. It’s just not a reasonable expectation of someone so young. 

I know you came here to be told to pull your chin up and keep looking, but honestly, sometimes it’s better to just be honest with yourself and accept reality. 

Like others have said, if you want to find a guy who might be willing to settle down with you and your kid, you’re gonna need to look older. If you’re not interested in dating men in their 30s then you may just wanna strap in and enjoy the single life as best you can for a few more years. 

Post # 13
Member
1014 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

My child was 9 when I met my now husband on eHarmony. I recommend that site because their process screens out for you a lot of people who would not be compatible. You answer numerous questions about yourself, what kind of person you are, and they only send you matches that the computer says are a right fit. You also answer questions about what you will and will not accept in a partner. I believe one question has to do with children.

My husband adopted my child after we married.

 

Post # 14
Member
1660 posts
Bumble bee

The most relationship-oriented, marriage-seeking, hoping to have children of men I knew at 25 were all hoping to not start having kids till they were 30. It makes sense that you’re striking out — the overlap between men who are 25 and men who want a child in their life is very slim. However, that changes pretty drastically around 30. 

Just start dating men in their 30s, or wait till you’re a bit older if that feels too old for you now. 

Post # 15
Member
7884 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

My ex husband left me with a 3 year old when’s I was 30. Later that year I met my now husband (he was 24 at the time). I do think it’s a little hard to find a man in his early- mid 20’s ready to take on a single mom. I was incredibly lucky that my husband is as awesome as he is. But he really wanted to get married and become a dad himself so it was always inhis life plan even before me. Don’t give up hope- there are great guys out there who love single moms!

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