Post # 1
I’m having a courthouse wedding in June. It will be just me, my fiance, and two of our friends who will be acting as witnesses. Both sets of parents have known since the beginning of our engagement that we intended to elope (the plan was to Greece) for our wedding and throw a reception/party when we got back. Money wise, the wedding to Greece has been put on the back-burner. We’ve decided to do our dream wedding on our fifth anniversary, in 2013. Until then, I still want to be married so we’re doing the courthouse thing to make things legal, but will do the meaningful white dress/travel/exchange of hand-written vows part later when we can afford to have the ceremony we want. Now that the courthouse wedding is happening, my mother is getting upset at not being there. Honestly, since we got engaged, we’ve been hearing comments from both sides regarding our laid-back timeline. His parents said that they didn’t think we were actually going to get married because it was too much of a commitment and that’s why we hadn’t set a date. Mine wanted me to get married soon so that we wouldn’t be living in sin anymore. Because of all this, and my sister’s recent disaster of a wedding where my mom cried because she hates my sister’s husband, I don’t want any family. I want our wedding to be about us and our commitment to each other, and nothing else. Am I wrong to not want any family there? we will be having a celebratory dinner afterward with family, but I’m sincere in not wanting anything to distract us from each other at our wedding. What do you all think?
Post # 3
eeeek. What’s wrong with inviting them? Every parent (whether you’re having a huge all-inclusive wedding or not) is probably going to intrude once or twice during the planning. It seems like the only reason you don’t want them there is because they had doubts about your marriage?? Prove them wrong.
Personally, I think you should include them. They don’t have to come if they are actually skeptical – but it doesn’t seem like they are. Besides their giving birth to you this is one of the biggest moments in their family – I could see 10 years from now regretting it. You’re not actually “eloping”, so I would absolutely include them.
Post # 4
I agree with futuremrscrawford – I think you should invite them and let them decide if they want to be a part of witnessing your commitment to each other (which it sounds like they do). And I agree, down the road, I think you’d regret excluding them.
Post # 5
You really should invite them. If you don’t there will always be heartache and ill-will coming from them throughout your entire marriage. I think they will feel betrayed so it will be hard for them to get excited about anything in your lives (children, new home, etc.). Invite them. I doubt they will cause a scene and then you can go out for the nice dinner.
Post # 6
I am a Future Mother-In-Law. If my son decided to get married without us, I would be incredibly sad, but I would try to understand the reason for that decision. I fully understand family that is critical, unsupportive and has a tendency to cause trouble. From all the posts I’ve seen here on the Bee, most of the problems come from family. How sad really. People can’t seem to just support the couple with what works for them.
Last summer my son’s friend (and someone we love very much) got married at the courthouse with each of them having a brother in attendance. They are a laid-back couple and didn’t want all the required “stuff” for a wedding. A few weeks later, they have a pot luck barbeque in a park for their reception with their friends. We had a blast! They were going to have a reception with their families about six months later. I thought it was a brilliant plan!
The bottom line? Follow your heart. Do what feels right for you. I wish you all the best.
Post # 7
I’m sorry but I disagree with the other comments; I say your day is about you and your fiance, who says you have to have family there?
I’m in a very similar situation — my mom hates that we’re living together without being married. (Although, no other family members really mind) We’re eloping because I don’t want to deal with the stress of planning a wedding, and he really doesn’t want to have one. We’re having a nice ceremony in a vineyard in Sonoma and not telling our families until afterwards.
Unfortunately, I can’t offer too much advice on what the effects will be afterwards, but give me about a week 🙂
Post # 8
Wow, I think you should invite them. I’m a mom. If one of my kids didn’t invite us because the wedding day they envisioned didn’t include me, I’d be crushed. Think how you’d feel if your child did that to you. It’s a courthouse wedding. You will have very few people there. Your mom can’t stir up that much drama.
Besides your mom doesn’t like your sister’s husband. Yet she wanted you to get married ASAP. So I’m guessing she’s OK with your Fiance. This is the moment you get married. Who else will want to witness that moment, over just simply going to your reception, if not your parents?
Post # 9
You should absolutely invite them. A wedding is NOT just about the bride and groom.. it’s about your family. Your parents got you to where you are today, they deserve to be there when you commit the rest of your lives to each other. Also.. you mention that you don’t want anyone else there to distract you from each other but you already said you have invited two friends to act as witnesses. Why not just have your parents be the witnesses?
Post # 10
You know, everyone’s relationship with their parents is different; I only see my parents a couple (2-3 times) a year and that’s more than enough for me. And yes, my marriage IS about me & my fiance, not about the other people in our lives. I can understand why that’s hard for some people to understand, but your wedding should be about what YOU want and not other people’s expectations.