(Closed) no parties.. i know, oh boo hoo…

posted 4 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
3736 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@BeeG35:  Hi there. So you and FI decided you would be ok without a shower. Did you share those thoughts with your family and friends? If so, perhaps they are simply respecting your wishes and not ignoring you.

I’m sorry you are having a sad day.

Post # 4
7656 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@BeeG35:  Even if you had not opted for a DW, you should never expect a shower or parties. Would it be nice? Yes. As a BM would I personally do it anyway for a friend? Yes. But it is in even poorer taste to expect it and be upset that no one is doing it for you. They are not being rude, IMO.

Post # 5
12103 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@BeeG35:  I completely understand where you’re coming from.  To expect gifts and a party is technically rude but all the same – everyone I know has had these parties, it does sting a little when you know you won’t have them.  It might be a little selfish but everyone can be selfish sometimes (even those who will post on here that you are being selfish and rude and you should expect these things blah blah blah, I’m sure they’ve had their moments).

Hope your day gets better, and who knows, maybe they’ll surprise you 🙂

Post # 6
3723 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Unfortunately, a lot of times this comes with the territory for a destination wedding. Try not to feel too bad — there are a lot of brides on here who haven’t had showers planned for them. If you really wanted the traditional wedding with the traditional parties, I wouldn’t have gone with the destination wedding.

Post # 8
3574 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

That stinks and how you feel is understandable.  I hope you can cheer up soon.  Just think about how wonderful that wedding is going to be. 

Post # 9
1011 posts
Bumble bee

@BeeG35:  I gather from your post that it is less about physical gifts and parties and more about the fact that your closest friends and family just don’t seem as excited for you as they would react with a “traditional” wedding and do all the TRADITIONAL things like parties and gifts.

I understand though, I’m not having a DW but we’re having a very, very small – immediate family only- wedding. My mom and sister really WANT to throw a shower for me but I think it’d be in really poor taste (IMO) to invite anyone to a shower that wouldn’t be invited to the wedding ceremony.

They probably assume, with the DW and all, that you don’t WANT a shower or lots of attention over it. Before I got into the whole wedding thing I would assume someone eloping, doing a DW, or just having a really low key wedding doesn’t want all the frills that come along with traditional weddings, but now I understand almost every girl wants that! (Myself included)

Maybe you could talk to your mom, or FI’s mom, about a shower? Or with your BFF about a bachelorette? If you’re still iffy about getting gifts you could have a “recipe card shower” where people just give you recipes!

Post # 12
12629 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think getting upset about not getting gifts before your wedding has even happened is a bad idea to begin with.  People usually don’t send gifts when they get the invitation – they wait until the wedding happens.  You never know what will happen once the wedding actually happens.

Other than that, you’ve already gotten the “don’t expect parties” schpiel, so I’m not going to jump on that bandwagon.

Post # 13
2300 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@BeeG35:  guests never pay for the rehearsal dinner, so i think you should adjust your attitude about the people ‘coming over for a free steak dinner’. 


also – you’re not even married yet – so at this point the wedding gifts would be early and the cards would be happy engagement cards. for all you know, you’ll come back to lots of cards and gifts after the wedding. 


i think you need a bit of perspective – you chose to have a DW, which necessarily means that lots of people can’t afford to come. now you are upset that those same people who are not able to come to your wedding, aren’t throwing parties for you. when you choose a DW, you knew that lots of people wouldn’t be involved in your actual wedding – so why would those same people throw you a party?


they may be thinking ‘if the couple really wanted us all involved/at the wedding it wouldn’t be a DW’. that may or may not be fair – but i’m willing to bet some people are hurt that you’d rather a DW than celebrate with them and are behaving accordingly. 


Post # 16
5273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

To be honest, it sounds like you are more disappointed that nobody wants to do the typical “pre-wedding celebrations” vs. not reciving gifts.

Do you have BMs? I get it that you are disappointed that nobody has offered to throw you any form of party (shower or bachelorette) but if you have BMs perhaps you can talk about this with one of them. Due to it being a DW and you not wanting them to spend alot of money, you could propose to help throw it and keep it really simple and cost effective. 

I think this could be solved if you talk to your BMs/ close family and plan a very small event (no gifts) but just a chance to get together to celebrate your upcoming wedding, and I think that will give you that feeling you have been missing. 

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