- 4 years ago
I can’t believe I am even writing this post right now but something just came over me today and I had to get it all out. I am a frequent poster but do not want my FI to find this so I went anon. I am having major doubts today and I have had some doubt in the past but I have never ever discussed it with anyone.
Here it goes…
We have been engaged a very short time (2 months) and he is a wonderful man. We have been together for 4.5 years, living together for 3.5. I am 28 and he is 32. On paper he is the perfect guy – he is a doctor, has a kind-heart, will be a great father, my family loves him, he would bend over backwards for me…etc. He is everything anyone would ever want or need. We do everything together – we work together, live together, hang out together, run errands together, etc. BUT there is absolutely no passion in our relationship…none. We kiss, hug, and touch each other daily but we have not been intimate (sex) for as long as I can remember. I think we have had sex maximum 5 times in the past 3 years. I have given him oral a handful of times within the last 3 years as well. We did not even get intimate the night we were engaged. When we do have sex it is very basic, no passion, not great at all.
I feel as though we are just excellent roommates, we hang out and are with each other time but there is no true passion for each other. I have spoken to him several times about our sex life and he always says he would love to have sex more but thinks I don’t. I say that I do want to have sex more. However, nothing ever changes, there is never any action. I feel awkward when we are intimate, like it is forced.
I have been in love before and there was always passion in the other relationships. Of course it faded with time but we were always intimate regularly. I know that sex is an important part of a relationship but how important is it really? If you have everything else, can you sacrifice the sex? Is it normal for your sex life to be virtually non-existent? I also worry about potential future cheating. If we get married and continue to never be intimate isn’t future cheating to get satisfaction inevitable on both ends?? Or no???
I can’t imagine ending it, I can’t imagine my life without him. He was engaged before and she called off the wedding the day before (through a text message). It messed him up big time, I can’t imagine doing that to him again. I also don’t want a failed engaged, I would be so embarrassed. No save the date or invites have gone out but mostly everyone knows about the engagement and future wedding. I don’t know how I would tell my family. I don’t know how he could survive another failed relationship that he has put everything into. I’m 28, I don’t want to start over again. On the other hand, maybe this is just cold feet? I’ll wake up tomorrow morning and say, what was I talking about…everything is FINE!
BUT, if I was going to end things, now would be the time. We just sold our business together (closing date at the end of June) and we also just terminated our apartment lease. We are definitely in a transition phase. I could easily walk away without it getting too messy (financially and housing wise). We could just simply go our separate ways, do our own thing, go on with our lives separately.
I am so confused, am I being unrealistic of my expectations for my relationship? He is a wonderful guy but I never pictured this is how my relationship or engagement would be. But maybe that is just life?? I know most of you will say go to counseling but I don’t see how counseling will bring passion into our relationship. I can’t get my mind to stop going a million miles a minute!