(Closed) No permission from his own folks?

posted 10 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
238 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2020

My Fiance didn’t tell his parents that we wanted to get married, but he did talk to them when we moved in together, and since he’d never lived with anyone else, I think they knew it was coming. 

Post # 4
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

We didn’t tell his family until after we had decided to get married.  They don’t seem to really care either way.

Post # 5
Member
5262 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

R didn’t really think of telling his parents… I took him aside and basically explained to him why they would be upset if he didn’t tell them first. Future Brother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law know specific details about the ring, and have for months, because FBIL’s father is the jeweler. So Future Brother-In-Law was pulling out pictures at a wedding we all went to, talking about it loudly, etc, and I basically told R that if his parents heard that way, they’d be devastated. 

If I hadn’t said that, I’m not sure he would have told them before they heard from someone else. I think he meant to, but said he wanted to wait until it was just the three of them in the same room, which never happens since we live in different cities and him mom works the night shift!

Post # 6
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I don’t think my Fiance said anything to his parents.  I think they had a general idea we were going to get engaged but they were surprised when we called to tell them the news.

He did ask my Dad though.

Post # 7
Member
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Fiance told his mom but not his dad and that caused a lot of problems since his parents are divorced. His stepmom was offended that they weren’t told and she took it out on me. Finally, my Fiance told them he told who he felt was important to tell and she (his stepmom) needs to chill since she is not his mother and they aren’t even close. I think his dad was hurt but didn’t want to say anything so his wife decided to fight his battles. It was awkward for me at first but I got over it.

 

 

Post # 8
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

My Fiance talked to his family first. He wanted to make sure he wasn’t breaking any religious rules by getting married again after having been divorced. I don’t know how many bees are from the south, but a lot of southern Christians believe that each person should only marry once…the end. Once he found out that his parents have been praying for him to find someone he could settle down with (he has been divorced for over 15 years) everything else was cool.

Since we are older (I am 34, he is 41) neither of us felt the need for him to formally ask for my hand. But we did let them know of our plans and asked how they felt about it.

I think the approach would probably have been different if we were say..fresh out of college. But we both have successful careers, homes, kids and haven’t been supported by our parents since before we left for college so we ddin’t feel the need to go the traditional route.

Post # 9
Member
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

My husband asked his parents for a blessing before he called my parents.  I think he talked to his dad and then his mom, just making sure they were on the same page about us getting married.  After they gave him their blessing, he called my parents and asked for their blessing, too.  I think he just wanted to make sure both families were supportive before we moved forward.  ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 10
Member
11324 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

My Fiance told his mom when he started shopping for rings and got some feedback from her… but he didn’t tell her when he was going to do it so it was still a surprise. He didn’t tell his dad/step mom anything, but they aren’t super close so they didn’t seem at all surprised that they didn’t know before hand. Most importantly, they all like me… so its all good ๐Ÿ™‚ 

Post # 12
Member
4566 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

His parents know that we’ll probably get married, but her certainly isn’t going to ask their permission. However, he will ask my parents (eventually… someday…) before he asks me.

Post # 13
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

He didn’t ask his parents or mine. He actually asked me before the proposal if he should ask my father and I said no because I personally find it to be an antiquated tradition. No offense meant to anyone to whom this part of the proposal was important, but for me I feel like it just smacks of the old-school times when women came with dowries and were considered the property of the father, which would then be transferred over to the husband… [burns bra]… just my thoughts on it. Again, no offense meant to anyone who likes this tradition.

 

 

Post # 14
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@Kittyachi…I laughed when I read your post b/c my fiance said almost the exact same thing. He asked me if he would be getting cows or pigs with his dowry after he asked so he could make arrangements…LOL. My Fiance is paying for the wedding so he wasn’t trying to ask for anybody’s permission.

Post # 15
Member
1045 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2008

My husband is 40, and I’m 32, so I think we’re beyond the stage of needing to ask permission, luckily!  ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 16
Member
5262 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

Haha, same here with the permission… Fiance asked me if he should ask my dad for his permission, and I was like, “uh, why?” 

We more of gave a heads-up, I guess. To me it was like, I wanted them to hear it from us first, but it was not a question. 

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