(Closed) 'No Plus Ones' Problems. Share your vents

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 122
Member
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

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@Zhabeego:  It’s rude according to US etiquette, however the OP is in the UK and they don’t have the same rules. Her not offering a plus one is the accepted norm where she lives. It’s her aunt and cousin who are being rude. 

Post # 123
Member
841 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@MissW2MrsB:  We made our guest list including a plus one for every person, even if they’re single – because I feel like at a wedding it’s just expected that a date be invited. I mentioned to my dad that some people cut the plus ones and he doesn’t even know anything about weddings and thought that was rude.

Anyway… I guess this is just what you should’ve been expecting when cutting plus ones. Not too shocking honestly.

Post # 124
Member
2597 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

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@SherbertLemony:  I don’t expect an invitation to anyone’s wedding, but if they send me one, I absolutely expect it to include my husband because it would be rude and insulting to invite me and not him. 

Married, engaged and live-in couples are a package deal – either invite both or neither. It’s really not that hard.  As I said above, someone’s wedding being “their day” doesn’t mean you get a free pass on being rude. 

Post # 125
Member
1119 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I understand the frustrations, I really do, especially since I’m slighting a lot of family members by keeping our wedding as small as it will be so I don’t want to add insult to injury by not allowing those in relationships to bring the person they’re living with.

You have my sympathies, you really do.

Post # 126
Member
1119 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I agree that the aunt and cousin are being rude, though.

Post # 127
Member
1633 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I similarly did this. My husband and I agreed to have a small wedding- parents and siblingsm his family is much larger than mine. Both his parents remarried and he has four siblings, so that’s eight people on his side.  My dad didn’t want to come, so that left my mom and brother on my side. My mom feeling outnumbered 8 to 2 really wanted a date or support system. I invited my aunt, her sister, but not my aunt’s husband. At first my aunt was upset her husband wwasn’t invited, but I wasn’t going to budge. Her invite wasn’t out of a desire to have my aunt there, but rather to make my mom feel more confortable. In essence my aunt was my mom’s plus one and as a plus one she didn’t get to tag any other guests along.

I get your desire to keep it small. If your cousin declines the invite try not to be mad at her and less this ruin your relationship.  It’s just one day, one event. 

Post # 128
Member
951 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

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@MissW2MrsB:  I don’t know what else to tell you except that perhaps you should rethink your budget if you can’t even allow for your guests to bring their SO’s. Or just invite this one cousin’s boyfriend and let her pay for the attendance.

Post # 130
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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@Zhabeego: We are going to have to agree to disagree as over here it isnt “rude”  my Fiance didnt get invited to my cousins wedding becuase there was not the room and as it has been mentioned before UK weddings are different to US. we didnt mind and I went graciously and was privelledged to be invited as I am not a self centered person and am happy to spend 1 day without my wonderful OH if it makes things easier for my family and doesnt cause uncalled for conflict. Plus ones are not a given in the UK!! I love my family and friends and would do anything to make sure there day went smoothly! are you telling me that thats not the right thing to do and that you would rather disrespect your family and friends and think about yourself over every other person even though all the other people have happily agreed that they will agree with no plus one? You would feel that you are more important and that only your oppinion matters? because that is what this cousin is doing and in the uk it is NOT the right or acceptable way to behave in this situation!! If my Fiance was invited to a function without me I wouldnt dream of demanding an invite. As long as he goes and and whoever is hoasting the event is happy then that is the main thing… you cant please all the people all the time. Especially if it makes you unhappy. I feel it takes away from the true meaning of the day, they are getting married with THEIR family (not their families chosen family or extended family) and close friends around them. That is their choice and their right. just as its their right to decline (but their reson for declining is not justified the way th absence of an invite is)

Post # 133
Member
1916 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

If they are going to make a stink about it, just tell them that you’ll be sorry to miss them at your wedding.

Post # 134
Member
400 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I couldn’t read all the replies, so sorry if I’m repeating someone elses! I understand where you are coming from, but 5 years is a long relationship too so I also understand your cousin’s side. If it were reversed and you couldn’t take your fiance to her wedding because you weren’t married yet, would you be upset and would you still go? Myself, I would go to a wedding without my husband, but I would be gone as soon as dinner was over. 

Post # 136
Member
302 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

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@pinkkathryn:  Yes, your GUESTS are absolutely doing YOU a favor by attending. That is why you send out an invitation requesting THE HONOR OF THEIR PRESENCE.

If you think someone flying across the country AT THEIR OWN EXPENSE with a gift in their hand for YOU isn’t a favor to you, then people really are taking this “MY DAY” notion a bit too far. You need to mingle and visit table by table during your event THANKING each and every guest for attending and meaning it most sincerely. I guarantee you, people could have done other things with their time, money and effort but they choose to spend it making YOUR event special! When people do that for me, when they come all that way to eat some Applebees chicken and cake, I’m GRATEFUL! I sit there in AWE that everyone went through so much trouble for me!

I can see where it would have been presumptuous of me to add my kids or something but a date?? That’s expected in my circles. So no, I won’t be attending. Far easier these days to catch up with family and do your socializing these days at funerals where no one whines about feeding you.

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