- 4 years ago
- Wedding: May 2014
FI and I have decided that we want a teeny, tiny, intimate wedding. Our families are scattered all across the world and we will be in the middle of a move when our wedding happens (moving for Residency… won’t find out where until February – wedding is in May). Since we won’t have a “home,” we’ve decided to have a destination wedding…
The guest list will only be both sets of parents, his two siblings (plus spouses and babies), my brother (plus SO) and my best friend from childhood. That’s it. 13 adults, 2 babies. We are renting out a lodge for 5 nights and will be covering all plane tickets, lodging, and food costs for the entire group for the entire trip. We have decided this is how we want to spend our money, and these are the people we want to spend it on. The lodge that we are renting can accomodate many more people, but neither of us want to invite any more. We are very happy with our guest list and we are thankful that we can cover the costs for everyone attending.
So the problem is… my friend is unhappy that she’s not getting a plus 1. And makes me feel super guilty about it every time we talk.
So backstory – We were best of friends all through middle and high school. We moved to seperate colleges and have lived on opposite sides of the country since. I still consider her one of my closest friends, even though we haven’t lived in the same state for 10 years. I couldn’t imagine her not being at our wedding. She’s my person. My FI at first was resistant to inviting her (he wanted family only), but I made the arguement that he has 2 siblings… I only have 1. He conceded.
This friend of mine has never been in a relationship… ever. She’s had guys she’s psuedo-dated, but it’s always been complicated by someone moving across the country, or something. She’s never had a “boyfriend” or “significant other.” She recently traveled to a friend’s wedding and when she told me about it she said that she had a guy she had dated a while ago fly out to meet her. But she was clear that they’re not dating or in a relationship. But she told me straight up that she told him about OUR wedding… but then told him he wasn’t invited. And is really trying to put the pressure on me to giver her a plus one.
Aside:If she was in a committed, long-term relationship, I would invite that person. FI would be really unhappy about it, but I’d feel like I have to (just like I’m inviting my brother’s SO, even though I don’t really know her). I totally get that she will be the only single attendee, but we are keeping our guest list small on purpose — FI’s criteria is that only people “who in 20 years we will talk to weekly” are invited. We are choosing to not invite any extended family or any other friends. I have told her this, but she still tried to guilt trip me every time we talk. I am getting so frustrated with it that I haven’t been calling her as much as I otherwise would.
So I guess my question is — What do I do? Giving her a plus 1 is NOT an option. Is there anything I can do to help her feel more comfortable being the only single person invited? Any suggestions of how to approach it with her in a way that will let her know I care about her, but it’s simply not an option?