(Closed) No presents on special occasions

posted 5 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
276 posts
Helper bee

We have done that for specific holidays that we agree on, but I’m not married yet and we don’t share finances yet. My parents just get each other something little (socks or pajamas or something). We trade presents to get a bigger present, last year I didn’t get him individual gifts for holidays because I flew out to see him on his birthday and provided funding for a larger gift.

Post # 4
3025 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

I wouldn’t mind doing that, but it would never work with my Fiance. He would agree and then cheat and get me something. 🙁

Post # 5
9952 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I LOVE Holidays & Occasions as much as anyone else.

But I know that as I’ve aged, I’ve also matured in my reflection upon them

I don’t have to get my pout on like I would have as a younger person, if everything didn’t go to plan

I’ve also learned to be a lot more pragmatic… if something is important to you… speak up… be accountable for it… make it happen **

In truth I am a lot more into Holidays / Occasions & Gifts than Mr TTR is.

So I’ve had to adjust my perspective since I met him… and for the most part I am ok with that.

He prefers “experiences” over “stuff”

So we don’t really have a Holiday / Gift Budget like I once did… for each other we just chalk it upto being put / added into another column now…

Dinner Out – Concert Tickets – A Vacation

The only time it gets to me somewhat is if we aren’t doing “the experience” on the specific date that the Holiday / Occasion Falls.

This Christmas we’ve both been suffering from the Flu… so we’ve been relatively house-bound the last week.

We did not exchange gifts… infact other than the fact that I made some Pies, and he cooked us a “pseudo Christmas Dinner” it didn’t feel much like Christmas at all

We have done a lot of sleeping the last 72 Hours… trying to take advantage of the downtime from work etc, and recharge our batteries, get over this nasty flu once in for all…

So to be honest where in a normal situation I probably would have been quite annoyed with Christmas Day passing and barely being marked, I’ve been too tired / sick to care too much about it.

BUT, I also know that we have some great plans for the next week… as far as “the Experiences” go… A shopping trip for an item I’ve wanted that is going to be on SALE for Boxing Week – Dinner Out with Friends – a House Party etc.

So, I’ll certainly forget about the Christmas of 2013 that didn’t really happen.

Hope this helps,

** Something I learned very early on in my First Marriage.  Most Men haven’t got a clue about Gift Giving.  They are the types of creatures that don’t need much to make them happy (hence WHY my mom would give my Dad a Shirt, and Socks & Undies… and my Grampa a Sweater … year in year out).  Men tend to go out and buy something when they need it, and can afford it.  They don’t wait for a special occasion.  And they are creatures of habit (they’ll buy the same brand of socks for 40 years).  Whereas us girls tend to use special occasions in our lives as an excuse to shop… Party coming up… then you need to go out and buy a whole new outfit etc.

Anyhow, the point is Men don’t have a lot of experience shopping for themselves, let alone others.

So IF a girl is one that likes Gifts and nice things… then you pretty much have to give your Guy some direction or chances are you are doomed to be disappointed.  And that usually menas giving a guy a written list with SPECIFIC info on it… Item, Colour, Size, Where to Buy, even cost etc.  (Men are also “fixers”… they like to see a problem and figure out a way to fix it.  This is WHY they think that household goods make good gifts… it is also way easier to buy a Blender than it is to buy a pair of earrings).

Every woman I’ve ever known who came to terms with these facts about men, together set an agreed upon Budget for Gift Exchanging with them and gave them a list or possible items she’d like… has not been disappointed.

Whereas, I’ve known tons of women who have been when they’ve “romantically” left it all up to the Man to “surprise them”.  More often than not in those scenarios they’ve been surprised alright, but rarely in a good way !!


Post # 6
692 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

This post is like a sip of lemonade on a blazing day for me.We do the same!After hearing about everyone’s presents I was starting to feel like we’re alone and began thinking things such as “Why aren’t we more thoughtful?”

We are in our mid 20’s so everyone my age seems to be all about spoiling each other with material things and so forth. It was my b-day on the 19th, and then Christmas. Hubs and I didn’t even “open” presents.

It started with the fact that he’s not a good shopper so he’ll pay 3x as much for something I know I could get elsewhere. It drives me crazy. Haha. On the other hand I am the worst surprise keeper. When I get him something and it arrives in the mail I am so excited for him to try it, love it, etc.  And when he gets me something I always figure it out somehow.

So YAY! Go you! Go us!


Post # 7
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

We haven’t done gifts for each other in 3ish years… People look at us funny.. And I don’t care! Lol. We are lucky enough that if we want something, whenever it may be, that we just get it. And I am very lucky enough that he is able to provide a great life for me… im a stay at home wife, We vacation 2x a year and own a luxury car… That in and of itself, for me anyway, beats “gifting” for the holidays, birthdays, special occasions…. I am very blessed EVERYDAY.


ETA: that reads very snobby, and it’s not suppose to!!! Just saying that I really do t need “special occasion gifts” from him when he’s great to me year round!

Post # 8
2655 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@SweetHoneyBee:  I absolutely love this idea!! This year I asked that my Darling Husband get me nothing. I really didn’t want anything. Instead we are going away together. I love the idea of focusing on experiences together. Maybe we’ll make this a regular thing 🙂

Post # 9
3076 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - A court...

That’s smart !! & makes more sense financially but we are gift people so I couldn’t see us not doing that anytime soon. But we don’t ever really splurge all that much to begin with.

Post # 10
416 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

We mostly don’t do gifts for each other – takes the fun out and becomes stressful when I’m looking for something to buy just for the sake of it, as well as the joint finance angle.  We also usually celebrate birthdays or anniversaries by going out to dinner, and/or we’ll plan a weekend away.  Now with a baby coming, my Darling Husband surprised me with a spa gift certificate to get a massage in a few weeks after the baby is born, but I think that had less to do with Christmas than pregnancy, and it’s not exactly a typical “push present.”

Oh, and my “Christmas present” to him this year was saying let’s spend the money to get his computer fixed.  So again, not exactly a romantic present so much as just living our lives together.

Post # 11
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

We do the same thing as you. For Christmas, we usually will get tickets to a sporting event (we are HUGE hockey fans) or a concert. We have also used gifting occasions to put our money towards a shared large household purchase (such as furniture).  Our birthdays are 4 days apart so we always go out to a fancier than usual restaurant sometime between our birth dates. The only gift giving that I told him that I *require* is flowers on valentines day. they can be bought anywhere (grocery store, gas station etc) he doesn’t have to spend a fortune at a florist. This system works really well for us. 

Post # 12
7673 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@SweetHoneyBee:  We don’t do gifts for each other (except the token chocolates). We are both terrible gift givers, and it’s stressful enough buying gifts for everyone else. So one way we reduce the stress is we don’t have to get gifts for each other.

Post # 13
5189 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

@SweetHoneyBee:  This was our first Christmas as a married couple and we didn’t exchange gifts either. I have no explanation for why we decided not to. 

Post # 14
1589 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

My friend and her hubby skipped gifts. My Fiance would, but my parents give meh gifts so I like the exchange.

Post # 15
1304 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Last year my husband and I bought a condo and a new car and traveled to both Africa and South America.  This year we traveled to Europe twice, got two purebred kittens*, both of us got promoted at work, and I got pregnant.

We do not exchange gifts on holidays because we already have plenty of things to celebrate.  Exchanging material gifts just because the calendar has moved does not feel meaningful to us.

*We would have gotten shelter cats, but I needed a specific breed because otherwise I am allergic to cats.

Post # 16
1769 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

One of my love languages is gifts, so no, we don’t do that- although this year we boight each other a new tv and coffee table instead of real, under the tree, gifts. 

But hey- you do you. If it works and you’re both happy, what does it matter?

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