Post # 1
My boyfriend and I met online over three years ago. He lives in England. I’m in the US. I was planning on moving to his country in the fall on a student visa, until the colleges I was looking at raised their tuition prices considerably. This made it basically impossible for me to afford it even with help. He mentioned that he could come to my country instead on a work visa, but a marriage visa would be a more permanent option. I asked him if that was something he wanted and was ready for. He said yes, are you? I said yes and that was my proposal I suppose because the conversation immediately turned to when we would file the visa paperwork: February.
We have discussed marriage in the past, but there were some things that I said needed to happen first such as, living together for a few months (which we did sort of this summer) and that I wanted him to ask me, in person. I also mentioned that it would be very important to my dad that he asks for his blessing.
I should be so happy that we are getting married but the k-1 visa process is going to be a hassle to plan anything around, and I knew that would be the reality. Because of the long distance there was not a time when we “starting dating”, we said I love you through texts, etc I just wanted one normal relationship thing: to be asked in person. At least over Skype face to face. I feel like it’s not really official. The first thing people want to know when you tell them is ” how did he propose?” He didn’t. Not really. I know it’s not something that can be redone. I mostly just need to vent because I don’t want my friends and family to think less of him.
Post # 2
I think your proposal was a very adult one. I certainly don’t think less of him because of it. If I were you and had a bit of anxiety over how people would react to the story I’d play it up a bit to show how neat YOU think it is (even if you don’t).
Like “How did he propose? He first played it off like he thought he’d just come over here for a while to work, then super casually slipped in the idea of getting married -which I immediately called him out on- and he said he was serious and I said Okay let’s do this. I DID let him know he wasn’t getting out quite that easy, told I’m a Princess and expect my Prince to get down on bended knee when he gets here. I did say he could skip the shining armor since he’s cute enough without it”
Post # 3
Or if he’s earning enough, you could come over on a fiancé visa to UK too.
Post # 4
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
My DH didn’t propose to me. We had several conversations about getting married, and the last conversation resulted in us deciding we were ready and we started planning. When people ask how he proposed, I just said we skipped that formality and decided together to her married. I wasn’t bothered by the fact that there wasn’t a proposal because I was too busy being thrilled by the fact that we were going to get married.
There’s certainly nothing wrong with wanting a traditional proposal, but there’s also no need to feel bad, or feel like you’re not really engaged, if you choose a different path to engagement.
Post # 5
I have plenty friends on K-1, most of them didnt get the dream proposal. They discussed it a lot and I think its more important. The process is not too hard, especially if you have been together for a long time. Time will pass quickly.
Thats weird but no one asked me how did he propose, neither my friends has been asked sbout it. Plus asking a dad for blessing? Come on its 2018! You are not traditional couple. My DH and I from diff countries as well.
Best of luck!
Post # 6
Let him know that you’d still like to be surprised with a romantic proposal! A lot of people discuss marriage before a proposal occurs, it’s not too late! 😉
Post # 7
Me and my SO did both – we discussed it and started lloking at venues. We had a date in mind and had started saving for that date. He still wanted to propose – but by that point I already felt engaged. We still got a ring and he got down on one knee (my ring was 160 pounds – a garnet antique ring). Could you do something similar? Where you choose a ring together? It doesn’t have to be expensive if he is worrying about money.
There is nothing wrong with wanted a proposal but there is also nothing wrong with not being traditional.
Post # 8
No formal proposal here either. Waiting on the ring to come back from the designer and I think Fiance will want to do something more “official” then. But our families know and the venue is booked. When people I ask I just reply that we’re a modern couple and didn’t really work out like that – you have to do what’s right for you. Official is only what you make it.
Post # 9
proposal is a mutual agreement of marriage. Suprises, kneeling, rings etc. does not make it official. What you had was very mature way of deciding that you want to get married.
Post # 10
I think your expectations are a little unrealistic for your situation. Sometimes things don’t go the way you’ve planned, and when you choose to spend your life with someone who lives so far away, expectations need to be modified. I know you think it can’t be “redone”, but maybe if you look at it from a different viewpoint, you’ll be able to see that he simply hasn’t proposed yet. My Fiance and I have 50-75% of our planning done, and he hasn’t formally proposed yet. We sat down, had a discussion and decided we were ready, and started planning. Was that how I envisioned it? No. Does it make me unhappy? No. I get to marry my best friend. I don’t care how it all came about.
You just need to have an open conversation with him and let him know that you’re so excited to go through this process with him, but you’ve always dreamt about a romantic proposal, and it would mean so much to you if it came from him. He’s got to get you a ring eventually anyway, right?
Post # 11
Sorry you were dissapointed bee, I am wondering if it would be a better idea to have him come over on the work visa first. This way you can meet some of the expectations you have such as living together. I am curious how old you are and how old he is? I know people can start going to college later in life, but it sounded like you haven’t begun yet which would make you 18?
Maybe I just watch too much 90 day fiance and I have no idea if this is true, but doesn’t a K-1 visa cost quite a bit of money and don’t you have to sponsor that person financially for a certain number of years after that regardless of if you end up staying together? Plus, then you only have 90 days to actually get married?
That seems like a huge financial committment and one I would not want anyone to rush into.
Post # 12
I think you’ll do fine with the K-1, most people I know who did it had a small wedding as soon as Fiance got here and a larger wedding after they had planned it for awhile. My cousin did it the stressful way though lol, they decided to just do the one big wedding after she got here and she only arrived, literally, the week before the wedding. It caused my aunt a lot of anxiety.
As for the proposal, I get that it’s not what you expected. My Fiance and I was already talking wedding plans before the actual proposal, so we had an idea of when and where we wanted to marry and the general feel we wanted for the reception. Plus I even bought my dress the week before because I saw a good deal on a second hand one on ebay.
I think you have to do what works for you in your relationship. Congratulations!
Post # 13
Thank you so much for all of the replies! It was therapeutic just to write it all down and get it out of my system. I am 25, he is 27. He had cancer this year, so he didn’t make enough for me to move over there on a marriage visa. I still made enough this year to qualify for the k-1 even with taking off for 4 months. I am going to try and focus on the positives. In a year this won’t really matter. Thanks so much for the emotional support!
Post # 14
I love that this was such an adult decision! Real life isn’t what they portray in Hollywood. Even prince Harry proposed over roasting a chicken at home.