(Closed) No Proposal But Engaged?

posted 11 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 32
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

For me I felt like somehow all the sudden we were married. Like…wait was that his proposal?…so are we engaged yet?

I’ve always dreamt of a romantic proposal but SO is more of a practical guy.

We dated in grad school, then after graduation a big decision on where our relationship was heading came up because it was affecting which job offers we were going to take. It seemed like we decided to end the relationship and focus on our futures first. However, while I was helping my SO (at that time he was about to become ex-BF) move out of his apartment we got into this huge arguement over some stupid moving related issue. When things calmed down I was expecting him to apologize but instead he said “Let’s get married” I was half in shock and half teary eyed. Considering I was still hurt from the decision to break up, I was so happy.

We didn’t have a real engagement period though…meaning I never had a formal announcement, engagement party, or bridal shower. He just told me “My friends suggested me to get you an engagement ring. Do you want to pick it together or do you want me to just chose one”. The budget was my biggest mistake though, he originally wanted something that reflected where we were at that time-meaning what he had in his savings account- (young professinal just starting) but I wanted to wait and get something better. I paid for that mistake by waiting for him to save up for 2 years…that’s right 2 years after the proposal!! I’m terrible aren’t I??

So the engagement ring came at the same time as our wedding bands, which came a month before our wedding. Wedding takes place first then SO gives me the ring in front of my parents…nothing romantic. My mom even asked him if he’d prefer to make it a surprise sometime later but he was so tired of waiting for the ring the past 2 years. Whenever anyone asks me how did he do it they all get disappointed with my answer! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 34
4122 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

“Hey, Love?” I say in my sweetest voice


“It’s almost October.  The Church bulletin says that we need to give 12 months to the day notice for a wedding…”

“OK, uh, do what you have to do.”

“So, if the church is available, then I should book?”


“and what about _______ (the photog).”

Whatever needs to be done right now.

next day


“Hey, Love.”


“Photog is book on October 9th already.  It’s the 2nd or 16th?”

“Ok, We’ll see what the church says.”

few days later

“Hi church coord. we want to set a date for a wedding.”

“WOW, so glad you came in so early!” (uh, that’s what the bulletin says! ๐Ÿ˜‰

“We’re thinking the 2nd”

“well, we have the 10:30 slot open.”

“hmmmm….. well, the 2nd is really close to high season for beach rentals….. the 16th?”

“We don’t have your priest you want avail. but we have a 2:30”

“We’ll take it!”

“Hey, Photog?”

“hi! figure a date?”

“Yup, the 16th”

“sweet, you’re on the books.”




Post # 35
2343 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

We talked about marriage early in our relationship and I don’t really recall the first time we said we wanted to marry each other exactly, but by the second month it was a sure thing in both of our minds. Eventually we set a date and started planning because we wanted to make sure we did everything far enough out. He proposed because he knew I wanted a proposal and a ring and that’s when we officially announced our engagement, but we decided to get married in a very mutual, non-eventful way. I don’t think its unusual!

Post # 36
1206 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Like a lot of people, we planned part of the wedding before the proposal and ring.  We set a date, booked a reception venue, booked a ceremony venue, booked a DJ, and booked a photographer, all before the proposal.  He still did the whole, called my dad and asked for permission thing, and totally surprised me with the proposal, but I don’t like surprises, so I’m glad we discussed things before hand, because I don’t think I would have chosen the date I did if it would have been such a surprise.

Post # 37
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

That’s what my parents did too!  My dad just looked at my mom one day, said “hey babe, you want to get married??”  She said okay, and two weeks later they were married.  Still married after 30 years, so I think that’s pretty cool!

Post # 38
323 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

My mum didn’t have a proposal as such, she was asked by my dad “could I get this house if you got it with me too?”

Post # 39
298 posts
Helper bee

hahaha these are great stories.  ^_^

me and my Fiance decided to go ring shopping together and when we got the ring I just started wearing right out the store… and that’s how we basically got engaged.  ^_^

Post # 40
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

My parents never had a proposal and I didn’t want to be like them but in a way I was.  We knew early on that we wanted to get married and that is where this relationship was going.  We had talked about what time of year and when he would propose.  In July I found the place we should have the reception and asked about open dates.  We then discussed booking it and we did in August.  I always knew I wanted to use a diamond from a ring that was my grandmothers so we had to wait till my mom brought it to us to make a setting.  We did that one saturday and the ring was ready the next saturday.  Since I wanted an offical propsal before we told everyone he got down on one knee the next day and gave me the ring.  No real surprise in it.  So technically I did get a proposal but really we all ready had things started and I was there when the ring was picked out and everything.

Post # 41
19 posts
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’ve been feeling kind of under fire recently (from my Maid/Matron of Honor, nonetheless) for not being patient enough to wait for a “real” proposal. FH and I had discussed marriage casually for several months, especially after I moved into his house (My stuff stayed at my apartment) As the lease on my overpriced storage unit ran out, I expressed my need to make it official, or I was not going to give up my safety net. During one month, I gave up my apartment, moved all of my furniture in, went ring shopping (twice), and researched/shared my research wedding venues. A week before the “deadline,” he picked up the mutually picked out and purchased ring and I met him at a carnival for his school…knowing that ring was sitting in his glove box! After an hour of loitering at the carnival, I just had to see my ring. So we walked to his car and he handed me the box, while he continued to eat his snow cone. Later that night, after showing lots of people, he did ask “Will you marry me?” Just the handing over of the credit card to buy the ring was the only symbol of commitment I needed.

Post # 42
2 posts
  • Wedding: December 2010

seems you have alot of comments…but here’s one to calm your “nerves”

me and james are getting married june 12th 2010… we have a beautiful baby girl who is 8 months old…

one day we are visiting my dad and he says “SO WHEN YOU KIDS GETTIN MARRIED?”

james says ” DUNOO…SOON”

then dad says ok..i’ll book the reception hall…

and they together picked the date…. now I AM PLANNING THE REST lol no big deal

me and james have been together almost 4 years and have talked about it.. just never really “proposed” and then we talked about it later on… and he said

“well i figured its what we want/ and should do right?” and i says “ya we should” and he tells me . ok i love you “lets do this”

lol love is funny…and i think it depends on the couple honestly…that just how me and my james are yano?

lol good luck hun, just because you dont have a ROCK doesn’t mean you dont have LOVE

Post # 43
447 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I didn’t get an official proposal either, but I still love telling the story.

It basically went like this:

“Let’s do it.”
“Do what?”
“Let’s get married this summer.”
“Are you serious?”

The “yes” was followed by me hyperventilating for a few minutes before answering. There was no ring involved either, but I preferred it that way. I had never really dreamed of a proposal, so it didn’t bother me at all.

Post # 44
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

We’re doing it this way now.  In October, my oh-so-romantic BF asked me to email a jeweler we had worked with in July to again tell her exactly what I wanted.  One Saturday, he came home and announced that the ring had been bought so start planning.  And that’s exactly what I’ve done.  

He won’t tell me much- for instance what ring he got or WHEN he will get it.  However, I asked back in July what their turn around time for getting rings was and they said 4-6 weeks.

It’ll be 6 weeks this Saturday.  ๐Ÿ˜€  Impatient!!!!  

Anywho, we’ve chosen the venue (considering they only had 1 day left in the summer also rushed our desire to begin planning), I’ve bought the dress, we’ve worked on guest lists, created/ordered our STD’s, I’ve chosen Bridesmaid or Best Man attire, sent out Bridesmaid or Best Man packages, booked the DJ/photo booth/engagement photo shoot, etc…

He has this grand plan of wanting to wait to tell his folks on Christmas… they can consider it a Christmas Miracle since he was one everyone predicted would never get hitched.  Therefore, I know the ring/REAL proposal is coming soon so we can call it ‘official’.  And while I burst at the seams to shout it out to the world (and instead must keep the news to only my close friends and my family), he sits there and giggles with glee at my torture.  


Hey- nothing says there has to be a ring on your finger to be considered engaged.  It’s tradition, not law.  And so we’re doing some things backwards.  But its been nice this way… I’ve been able to line up lots of little ducks in a row and all are ready to shoot down when we announce to his family.  But man… there’s still TONS to do in only 8 months.  OMGHEARTATTACK.

Post # 45
3219 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I got a non-proposal. We’re not very romantic nor do i like to wait for ANYTHING. We had talked about getting married a lot and i kept asking where my BIG rock was Laughing.  It took me about 6 mths to find the ring i wanted and then another month for it to come in! ( while we were waiting for it to come in i asked EVERYDAY if they called) Finially it came in and we picked out my center stone together as soon as he walked in the house with the bag i grabbed it!

Post # 46
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

My Fiance doesn’t have a romantic bone in his body! But, also what helps with the non-romantism and not proposing is marriage isn’t viewed as this big important life milestone to the dutch.  Most people just get a partnership contract (which includes everything that a marriage would except marriage is better if kids are involved) and live together and don’t bother with the marriage part.

So we’ve been living together for 4 years and we kind of had an outline.  First I needed a job. Check.  Buy a house.  Check.  Now that my residence permit is getting close to expiring, if I’m married and have lived with my partner for 3 years I can not only get a dutch passport if I pass the language requirements, but I can keep my US passport.  So last year we decided to get married so I can keep my US passport when I go for my dutch passport.  How pratical is that? LOL

I do have to admit though, he has been involved in every step of planning for the wedding. ๐Ÿ˜‰

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