bouviebee : thanks for your kind words. <3. Well we have also been talking a few days in a calm tone about it and he told me he doesnt believe in marriage but he would marry me because it’s important to me. But he’d need time. Time where the topic isn’t brought up in anger or leads to an argument. Everytime that happens he says he morphs into a child that doesn’t want to do as the adults tell him to. That’s his answer why it takes so long.
He said he’s already thinking about it but there are months in between when it works out great between us with one or two arguments and still nothing. That keeps bothering me. What also keeps bothering me: he constantly talks openly about children and tells me he wants kids. I have told him I’D want our first child born before I turn 30. I turn 28 this year so there’s not much more time. The fact that it’s no problem for him to talk about children but marriage is the biggie that makes me sad angry …
But I guess trying the timeline thing might help. thanks a lot <3
MsBeer : maybe my comment for bouviebee will explain it a bit better than my initial post.
llevinso : sometimes discussing timelines seems to me as a bit of an ultimatum. I have already told him when I’d like to have kids and that I want to be married bevore that. Maybe if I just relax a little it’ll work out perfectly fine but since that topic bothers me more than anything else it’s hard to just relax.
yellowbell : thank you for your kind words <3
ladyjane123 : I have had a conversation like that last week. I told him I want him to think of what he wants and if our expectations of this could meet. I for myself would think about what I want too. I have set myself the ultimatum on June 28th this year and see what happens. I won’t bring it up or at least I try. I don’t want to tell him about the ultimatum I made up in my head because I don’t want him just to propose to not lose me. Afterwards I know our marriage would mean less to him.
mimivac : the banning was my idea. I don’t want to constantly think about it yet talk to him about it cause I feel that it’s going to end in an argument most of the time. I react way too emotional on that topic.
lulamae91 : it’s kind of good to see that there are plenty of others in about the same situation (although I pity the two of us for it because as you said, we deserve better than this situation)
Maybe it’s jsut that we have to give them their time to think of it as their idea. I don’t know. It just kinda depresses me seeing other couples taking that step much earlier. I don’t want to beg him to take that step though. I only know what I want and it’s making me sad that he might not know or worse: that he’s wasting my time on purpose. But still why does he talk about babies?
sboom : you’re absolutely right. But soon after he’d told me he would marry one day because of me he told me that he liked the way his parents did it. Getting married after 5 years.
That’s why I thought it would fit our city trip. And that’s what messed up everything. I made it far worse than I imagined.
sarathemermaid : I had some kind of that conversation a time ago when I tol dhim the following: “you’re talking openly about having kids but not getting married. You know that I always wanted to have my firstborn before I turn 30. You’ve also told me that you’d like to get married like your parents (sidenote: He totally forgot he said that. So much for my clinging to that imagination) . If we get engaged this year, we are going to get married after I turn 29, because I don’t want to rush the wedding preparations for I want to hit our expectations about that. Well then we have to hurry to get me pregnant. He already knows that. He already knows my timeline. He just said I should relax and let him take the lead. I’ve just never had to rely on someone else. That’s what bothers me the most. I can’t do anything about it actively.
sablescorpion22 : I have already told him and we’ve had a few conversations about it without me going completely nuts. I’ve also told him how it hurts me. Last time I wrote him a 4-page-letter about how I experience the situation and how I think he is experiencing it. He only said I don’t need to convince him to get married anymore. But still …
jellybellynelly : I don’t know if that’s still what he thinks. I don’t think so because we have our five-year-anniversary this September. If he would do it the next month I might be okay with marrying in September if everything we imagine to have on our wedding is still available but I’m not sure if it will. And something like that is nothing you’d want to compromise too much just because you’re in a hurry. I would willingly wait until next year if there’s not much time to plan.