Post # 1
I’m not looking for advice because I don’t think there’s anything I can do except grin and bear it, but I’ve been surprised and disappointed by how rude people can be, so I’ve come here for a vent and some solidarity.
I think this is one of the things about planning a wedding: you discover that people can be very thoughtless. I don’t think anyone means to be rude, or upset me, but how can they not realise they’re being rude?
Why do I need to know that someone has had trouble finding the exact kind of hotel room they want? Why do I need to know that a bridesmaid’s boyfriend is going to find it inconvenient travelling to the wedding because he wrote off his car, spent the insurance money and hates trains? Why do I need to know that a bridesmaid is annoyed at being “left out” of the hen do plans when, it transpires, she has actually just not returned or replied to any calls, texts or emails?
When people tell me about this stuff, I just think: gee, thanks, what am I meant to do with that? Feel bad (which I do)? Apologise (which I have, even when I’m not sure I should have to)? In their shoes, I would suck it up AND NOT TELL THE BRIDE.
What do people expect me to do with this information, seriously? Why can’t they just not tell me? Nobody is forcing them to come to my wedding, they would be hurt if they weren’t invited, so why do they need to make me feel guilty?
Of course I can’t SAY “Wow, thanks, I really needed to know that, I feel SO GREAT now.” Which is why I’m here, venting…
Post # 3
@Moomin: all those examples are really unfair on you and shitty of them, I can completely understand your frustration!
Post # 4
Ugh….people can be so rude……
Hang in there.
Post # 5
@Moomin: I think sometimes people assume that the Bride is the center of attention and is so happy for so much of the planning process, being treated so nicely by family and friends, etc that if anyone can stand hearing how crappy someone else’s situation is, it’s the Bride.
I’ve seen this happening with others (not with me yet), where whether it’s jealousy or that the people surrounding the Bride genuinely don’t feel that she deserves all of the positivity she is experiencing, it causes people to act out in a way that they might not usually.
Post # 6
Girl….I feel ya! I’m sorry!!! I’m sooo sick of hearing this crap from people. I feel like just making a public statement, “Please send all your petty complaints to my mom. She won’t do anything about it, but I’m sure she won’t be as mad at you as I will be.”
Post # 7
@csteen85: I hadn’t thought of it quite like that. You make a great point, sadly.
@little_cricket: that made me laugh. Tempting to do just that…
Post # 8
This same thing has been happening to me! I can definitely relate. My grandmother yelled at me because I don’t want babies/young children at the wedding, another guest posted a snarky comment on facebook because we didn’t “and guest” her, Future Mother-In-Law insisted that I invite these two additional family members to my bridal shower and and then they didn’t even RSVP (they RSVP’d to Future Mother-In-Law who passed the message on to me, to pass the message on to my Maid/Matron of Honor who is hosting it)…..list goes on.
I think mostly people don’t realize how much goes in to planning these things and that at some point lines have to be drawn and rules laid down or its impossible to plan for. Most people are selfish by nature and unless its exactly as they want it, think its okay to say something. When in reality, you have a lot of people to please, and are trying to make everyone happy, while keeping within a budget and timeline. I’ve just started telling people, “We’re so happy you would like to come and hope you can make it, but understand if (xyz circumstance) doesn’t allow it.” If all peole want to do is bitch and moan, then I don’t want them there anyways!
Post # 9
@little_cricket – I LOVE this! I think that’s a really good idea! Although it’s mostly my bridesmaids that are giving me grief.
@moomin – I hear ya! I’m not sure why people have to be rude and difficult. I’m just trying to let it roll off my back at this point.
Post # 10
Wow, I’m really sorry that your bms are putting you through this. Those things have nothing to do with you and you really don’t have anything to apologize for! but on the flip side, maybe your bms are just looking to vent to one of their best friends who just happens to be the bride of the wedding they are venting about?