(Closed) No Reception?

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: We should

    give both a wedding and shower gift

    give a shower gift and a card at wedding

    not go to shower, and give wedding gift


  • Post # 3
    198 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I would give a normal shower gift and maybe like a $25 cash/gift card for the wedding or something?  I feel like you should still give a gift, but maybe something really small for the wedding.  

    Post # 4
    614 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I don’t think you need to go all out. Get them one gift and call it a day. Usually, you get a big gift for the reception that is comparable to what the couple spent per guest. I believe that is etiquette? I’m not really sure. Anyways, I would just get 1 40 dollar gift and a card.

    Post # 5
    109 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    i agree with mkewed2012. i would definitely bring a gift if i were extended any kind of invitation. but given the circumstance, i wouldn’t break the bank for it. i think a modest shower gift + small gift card would be the perfect option.

    Post # 6
    3218 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    why can’t you just give gifts at both. They don’t have to be expensive.

    Post # 7
    273 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    I second (or third) the modest gift at both events. 

    Post # 8
    2153 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Welll it would be very odd to not have any type of reception.  A cake and punch reception really is the minimum a host can offer to everyone who comes out to celebrate with you.

    That said if you are close enough to the bride and/or groom to want to attend both the shower and the wedding, I think you should want to commemmorate the occassion with a gift.  It doesn’t have to be fancy or expensive.  It could be a bottle of wine and a thoughtful card. 

    Post # 9
    12326 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I would give a small gift for both.  They dont have to be extravagant, just a little something.

    Post # 10
    220 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I find it strange that when other “brides to be” have come on here to ask about having two separate invites…..one for those invited to both ceremony & reception and the other for those only to invite to the ceremony they have have been told how rude that would be, its a gift grab, would most likely cause hurt feelings for those in the “B” guest list, etc…  How is this any different?  IMHO, I think it is extremely rude & so if you want to go to the shower then by all means take a gift but I would NOT buy them anything for the ceremony.  And before I get a response of how the couple is struggling financially, etc… then that only means they keep their guest list down to what they CAN afford.  I wanted to invite 300 people to my wedding but I could only afford 225 at the most so I cut my list down to just that.  I would not have in a million years dreamt of inviting the other 75 to the “ceremony only”.

    Post # 11
    1094 posts
    Bumble bee

    I recognize that, of course, for brides of this generation a two-tier wedding is as unacceptable as bringing a gift to the ceremony is expected (!)  However, fifty years ago or so, it was absolutely the norm and no-one batted an eye when it happened. People also knew (without batting an eyelash) that receiving a ceremony-only invitation indicated that a gift should NOT be sent (and the people who did receive reception cards knew without batting an eyelash never to bring a gift to the ceremony.)

    At the same time, it may be that the couple in this case are indeed having a stand-up tea reception at the ceremony site immediately following the ceremony — for everyone, not just for family. Such a reception doesn’t merit a separate reception card or even a mention on the invitation (since it should go without saying, just as does the coffee-hour after church on Sunday). Not to worry though, that kind of reception doesn’t evoke mandatory gifts, either.

    Either way, I feel quite at home with the scenario you have hypothesized, and I quite enjoy imagining that it might recur. Continuing in the same old-fashioned vein, remember that shower gifts should be small nominal gifts of the expendable housewares variety: tea-towels, doilies, potato-peelers and the ilk.

    Post # 12
    1192 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    Is it possible that there is a reception and they neglected to put “Reception to follow” on the invite?  Having the reception immediately following the ceremony at the same place is so common now that maybe this person didn’t realize you needed to specify the reception separately?  :-

    Post # 13
    1096 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I’m thinking this is a case of coffee/punch after the ceremony for everyone and then immediate family only for reception dinner. HOnestly, do what feels right. I would personally probably bring a small gift to each.

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