No registry?

posted 1 year ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 2
Member
869 posts
Busy bee

If you have no registry, I’d assume this meant you would prefer cash & as a guest I would just put cash or a cheque in your card. If you’d like experiences/ gift cards etc you could set this up/ list these  on your facebook page or a wedding website (if you have one) or simply by word of mouth or for people who ask. I wouldn’t go with one of those ‘honeyfund’ type registries though as they often take a cut of what people give. 

Post # 3
Member
5013 posts
Bee Keeper

1.  No, your registry information should NOT be on the invitation.  You’re not inviting people to give you gifts.  You’re inviting people to celebrate with you.  The only type of invitations that registry information is appropriate to include are for showers (baby, bridal, etc.) because showers are by definition a gift-giving event and they are thrown for you by someone else (so you personally aren’t inviting people to come bring you gifts).  You just don’t mention gifts.  Period.  If someone asks, feel free to tell them “We have all the household stuff we need right now” or “We’ve been saving up for X” or just “Oh, we have no expectation of gifts – don’t worry about it.”  But it’s gauche for you as the potential gift-recipient to be the one to bring it up first.

2.  If you don’t want physical items, people will likely give you gift certificates to local places they know you like or cash (which you can then use on all the experiences of your choosing you want) or they may find a more personalized item they want to give you.  There’s no need to make registries for the sake of having a registry.  People are smart and all have experience with cash – they already know cash is great without being told.

Post # 4
Member
382 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2025 - City, State

No no no no NOOOOOO to the idea of putting registry/gift information on the invitation or an insert!  You should not portray to your guests that you expect them to bring gifts.  Even saying “no gifts” tells them that you otherwise expected it.  Maintain the polite fiction that you don’t anticipate anyone showing up gift-in-hand (they don’t have to give one, after all).

There are honeymoon/experience registries out there, but I don’t recommend them.  For one, it’s just a thinly veiled way of asking for cash.  Also, they take a percentage fee and cut you a check for less than the gift paid.  And wht you get is a money, not vouchers for the actual experiences.

Don’t register.  Most people will give money – everyone knows that’s the one gift that will be appreciated by anyone!  For those who ask, you can tell them basically what you stated: “We really have everything we need for the house.  We’re more interested in things like a helicopter tour on the honeymoon or taking a glass blowing class, if you feel inclined to give something.”

Post # 5
Member
154 posts
Blushing bee

We didn’t have a registry.  When guests asked we just kept politely repeating, “We don’t need anything.”  There was no hinting or cheesy poems about a honeymoon..just a simple, “Nope, no registry, we’re good.”  Out of 75 guests, all gave cash and a few added a sentimental gift.  Don’t overthink it.

Post # 6
Member
5013 posts
Bee Keeper

RE: the ETA.

Registry information is word of mouth.  No one is required to buy you a gift, let alone buy it off your registry.  A registry isn’t a to-do list – it’s just a list of ideas of what you need and your style with the added bonus that if people buy off of it there hopefully won’t be duplicates.  If someone wants the information, they’ll ask for it.  Yes, there are some who will argue “but it’s just so much easier”.  Well, sure, it’s easier, but it’s also really off-putting for some to see “Here’s what I want you to buy me as a gift” in an invitation for what is a celebration in which a gift is optional.  It’s basically about having manners.

Also, the internet.  I mean really, if I know your full name I can probably find your wedding registry within about 90 seconds.  And where I live, there’s like three main stores possible where you’re probably registered at, plus amazon.  It’s just not that hard to look.  People can find it without it being shoved in front of them if they really just don’t know who/how to ask.

But you don’t want physical gifts anyway, so all of this is moot because the answer is just don’t register. 

Post # 7
Member
13646 posts
Honey Beekeeper

View original reply
bumbleberry02 :  Previous posters are correct. Absolutely no mention of gifts should go anywhere near your invitation, whether in or on. You are supposed to be extending hospitality, not thinking of what people might give you. 

A detailed answer depends on whether you lean toward traditional etiquette or follow a more liberal interpretation. For example, traditionally, registries are disapproved and cash is considered impersonal.

While not endorsing registries, the most traditional etiquette allows is a simple link only, in other words, no cutesy poems or elaboration, on a third party wedding website. The only reason this is marginally acceptable is the polite spin that a registry is a list of things the couple is collecting, themselves. Guests have to search it out. The time honored way is to inquire of someone close to the couple. You can also just google a couple’s name + registry and it often pops right up. 

Traditional etiquette also does not approve honeymoon or alternative experience registries. It’s not considered nice to ask people to pay for your vacation, luxuries or lifestyle indulgences, which are your responsibility. And since nobody makes a list of vacations or money they are collecting for themselves, there is no polite spin to suggest it’s not a gift grab. On top of that honeymoon funds charge a fee and are deceptive in just cutting a check, not providing an experience.  It’s essentially asking for and registering for money, and that’s a big no no. 

That brings us to more liberal etiquette. Here, registries are acceptable. You would likewise reference them by way of a simple link on the website or word of mouth. Honeymoon registries etc. are not disapproved, though it’s suggested that your more traditional guests may not use it. Cash gifts are recognized as being customary in some circles and cultures. To give, not to ask for. 

Either way “no gifts” is also improper because you are not supposed to be thinking of gifts, which are always the prerogative of the giver. 

If someone asks you or someone close to you where you are registered, you can just say you aren’t because you are saving up for X. That isn’t asking for anything and people may decide on their own to help you toward that goal.

Post # 8
Member
311 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

We thought of doing a honeyfund, but decided that wasn’t for us. We ended up not registering at all, and told people that we didn’t need anything. All but two of our guests gave us money- one gave a gift and one came without anything. (No big deal, that’s what we asked for!) Don’t overthink it- people generally understand what a lack of registry means. For us, we determined that asking for experiences seemed too much like asking for money, and we didn’t like the taste that left in our mouth. To each their own though! 

Post # 9
Member
2687 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

View original reply
bumbleberry02 :  I know some UK bees say that including registry information on the invite is not uncommon but in the US it is not something that’s done. With the advancements in internet shopping anyone who searches your name would be able to see a website or registry you sign up for so there is no need to hit people over the head with it on the invite. 

If you don’t register you’ll receive mostly cash or people might ask you want you want. Just don’t register and don’t mention it. Most people give cash anyways. 

Post # 10
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2020

I don’t want a registry, but I have to disagree with everyone else about thinking it’s a big horrible deal if you mentioned it on the invitation.  Why pretend you aren’t expected to bring money or a gift to a wedding?  Everyone who has any manners knows that’s expected, so why play a game by not mentioning it when everyone knows they should bring something.  I don’t see the point.  Mentioning the registry isn’t a demand for gifts.  It’s not like someone will be thrown out if they don’t bring anything.  And if someone didn’t include registry information, I’d just assume there wasn’t one.  I wouldn’t go around asking about it.  Honestly, who cares. 

Post # 11
Member
7624 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

View original reply
bumbleberry02 :  if you google the couples name along with wedding registry, you will very easily find a registry if they have one. If not, ask or give cash. That being said, I don’t think it’s a big deal to put it on the invite but I know many say you shouldn’t so we didn’t.

Are you planning on having a shower? If so, I would recommend a registry with tangible items to open. If not, I would not create one and if people ask, let them know you couldn’t think of anything you need. 

Post # 12
Member
260 posts
Helper bee

Agree with all above- do not place this on your invite.  If you have a shower, it can be printed on that invitation.  If not, most guests will know to google, or check with a member of your family or bridal party.  

Post # 13
Member
30 posts
Newbee

In Australia, every wedding invitation I’ve seen has explicitly included registry information (in the 90s) or stated “No boxed gifts” (2000s onwards).  

Post # 14
Member
32 posts
Newbee

The last time I wrote a wish list (specified down to make, model and color) was when I was a child writing Santa Claus. I could never imagine throwing a party for myself, providing my guests with a preferred gift list and justify that action by saying “cause this way, we will end up with what we really want.” I was taught to behave with more maturity, and to believe that “it’s the thought the counts”. I grew up in the the US, was definitely taught traditional etiquette, and will never understand how so many people jumped on the registry bandwagon. 

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