Post # 1
After consulting family, friends, and of course the bee community, FH and I have decided not to have a wedding registry. We will have been together for 5 years come the time we get married, and have all of the updated house items we will ever need. We had thought about registering for very few gifts and having a house fund (for a down payment on a house, just to add to what we already have saved up) set up on our registry, but the bee community was totally outraged by this idea, so we decided to take many bees advice and go for no registry at all. We will definitely appreciate all gifts we receive, but the idea is that folks will catch our drift without us having to outright say we want money to build a home together rather than pots and pans and candlestick holders. The other night FH brought up a good point, what do we say when someone asks about our registry? I am not sure what the etiquette is when you have no registry at all. Obviously we are dancing around flat out asking for money per the wedding community’s advice… I thought maybe “Your presence is presents enough” type of thing. Bees who took this route, what did you say when someone asked for your registry information?
Also, I have ran into another dilemma. My Future Sister-In-Law wants to throw me a bridal shower… but again, no registry. I like the idea of having a little party still so that grandparents, etc. can feel included as obviously FH’s 92 year old grandma is not going to want to go to bachelorette party. How do I handle this situation? I thought about asking the ladies going to just not bring anything another “your presence is presents enough” type of thing, but I know the older women in my family won’t show up empty handed no matter what. Ideas?
Also, FYI our wedding and honeymoon are modest and is not over the top or anything. We have a 5k limit for 200 people which we have somehow magically been able to do even with living in a big city, and our honeymoon will cost about 2500 after all is said and done. This seemed relevant to people commenting in my past posts so I thought I would add it in.
Post # 2
If your Mother-In-Law is insistent about a shower do a bridal luncheon. You can’t have a shower if you don’t have a registry but a luncheon doesn’t demand physical gifts in the same a way a shower does.
As for people asking about the registry, just say “We don’t need anything specific and are just excited to celebrate with everyone” or “Oh we decided not to do one as we pretty much have everything we need”
Post # 3
Just say you don’t have one as you don’t need anything. You’re making this into a bigger issue than it need to be, you can still do a shower type event without making a gift list.
Post # 4
Just tell people you don’t have a registry. That’s it. People will get the idea & give you cash. As far as the shower, there’s no need for one without a registry, tell Future Sister-In-Law that. A luncheon is a good idea like PP said. No need for guests to bring a gift.
Post # 5
I said we didn’t have a registry because we had everything that we needed. Some of my family asked each other where we were registered and were told that we aren’t registered.
My friend insisted on doing a shower for me and I asked her if we should call it a lunch because we don’t have a registry.
Its seriously not a huge deal to not have a registry, people ask, and you just say you have what you need so you aren’t registered.
Post # 6
You can do a “recipe shower” where guests are asked to bring a copy of their favorite recipe for your collection, instead of a boxed gift, but this only works if you actually like to cook (and don’t find it a little squicky to reinforce the stereotype of a woman’s place being in the kitchen). The hostess can provide nice recipe cards with the invites so they’ll all match, and also explain how the heirloom recipes are the gift.
you can also do a charity shower where guests are encouraged to donate instead of buying gifts. Instead of unwrapping gifts, each guest (if willing) describes where her donation was made, and instead of games, you spend an hour or two as a group doing a charitable work like making back-to-school kits for needy kids or assembling toiletry kits for the homeless.
Post # 7
I agree with others, you can just tell people the truth – that you have everything that you need. We were in the same position as you, and we told people upfront that we had everything we needed and to just bring themselves. But in the end I knew that a lot of people would bring a house hold gift regardless, so we made a small registry that we told people about if they insisted. And then a lot of people went off-registry anyway and now we have more cookware than we can even fit in our tiny 1 bedroom apartment kitchen haha.
People are pretty much going to give you what they want to. Some people think giving money is poor etiquette, some people don’t like registries etc.
Post # 8
No big explanation needed: if anyone asks just say “We decided not to make a registry, we have what we need!”
I can understand wanting to get your family and friends together pre-wedding, but you can’t have a “shower” without the underlying point of it (gift giving), so frame it as something else. I’d say, either have it themed as a recipe shower (@Horseradish’s post above has great tips), or just call it a bridal luncheon.
Post # 9
- Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club
Just say “we have everything we would have registered for already, so we did not register” I wouldn’t show up to a shower or a luncheon empty handed though, so I would bring a gift card or cash most likely in this situation. I don’t think it’s a big deal at all.
Post # 10
This whole thing where ” you can’t have a shower if you don’t have a registry” is not right at all. How do you thnk people managed to have showers before registries were a thing? There are all sorts of theme showers where no registry is necessary: recipe ( guests bring their favorite recipe and the staple ingredients), time of day, date night, honeymoon or travel, etc.
If you don’t want a registry and people ask, you can answer “We didn’t create a registry because we have the basics. We are saving for ____ instead of getting more things for the house.”
Post # 11
I honestly would just make a small registry, especially since you may have a shower. I know you said that you all the things and do not need an upgraded items, but I am sure you can think of a dozen things! Get some nice expensive towels, wine glasses, an air purifier, etc. If you have a shower some people are definitely going to bring you gifts. At least with a registry you can help guide them and get some items that you may want.
If people ask what you want just tell them that you have all the things you need at home and would just like ot enjoy the evening with them.
Post # 12
I recently attended a shower where there was NO registry at all. I’ve never given cash as a shower gift so I picked up some odd household gifts I figured they could use (sheets/kitchen stuff). For the wedding I gave cash though as I usually do that even if there was a registry.
Now when Darling Husband and I got married, I insisted on NOT having a shower as we already had tons of stuff. Mother-In-Law decided to throw a tea party and the ladies brought small gifts anyway, even though I stressed NO GIFTS please.