(Closed) No registry etiquette? Also, bridal shower problems due to lack of registry?

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
10275 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

If your Mother-In-Law is insistent about a shower do a bridal luncheon. You can’t have a shower if you don’t have a registry but a luncheon doesn’t demand physical gifts in the same a way a shower does.

As for people asking about the registry, just say “We don’t need anything specific and are just excited to celebrate with  everyone” or “Oh we decided not to do one as we pretty much have everything we need”

Post # 3
5246 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

Just say you don’t have one as you don’t need anything. You’re making this into a bigger issue than it need to be, you can still do a shower type event without making a gift list. 

Post # 4
1385 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Just tell people you don’t have a registry. That’s it. People will get the idea & give you cash.  As far as the shower, there’s no need for one without a registry, tell Future Sister-In-Law that. A luncheon is a good idea like PP said. No need for guests to bring a gift.

Post # 5
5228 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

I said we didn’t have a registry because we had everything that we needed. Some of my family asked each other where we were registered and were told that we aren’t registered.

My friend insisted on doing a shower for me and I asked her if we should call it a lunch because we don’t have a registry.

Its seriously not a huge deal to not have a registry, people ask, and you just say you have what you need so you aren’t registered.

Post # 6
7598 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

You can do a “recipe shower” where guests are asked to bring a copy of their favorite recipe for your collection, instead of a boxed gift, but this only works if you actually like to cook (and don’t find it a little squicky to reinforce the stereotype of a woman’s place being in the kitchen). The hostess can provide nice recipe cards with the invites so they’ll all match, and also explain how the heirloom recipes are the gift.

you can also do a charity shower where guests are encouraged to donate instead of buying gifts. Instead of unwrapping gifts, each guest (if willing) describes where her donation was made, and instead of games, you spend an hour or two as a group doing a charitable work like making back-to-school kits for needy kids or assembling toiletry kits for the homeless.

Post # 7
2610 posts
Sugar bee

I agree with others, you can just tell people the truth – that you have everything that you need. We were in the same position as you, and we told people upfront that we had everything we needed and to just bring themselves. But in the end I knew that a lot of people would bring a house hold gift regardless, so we made a small registry that we told people about if they insisted. And then a lot of people went off-registry anyway and now we have more cookware than we can even fit in our tiny 1 bedroom apartment kitchen haha. 

People are pretty much going to give you what they want to. Some people think giving money is poor etiquette, some people don’t like registries etc.

Post # 8
1154 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

No big explanation needed: if anyone asks just say “We decided not to make a registry, we have what we need!” 

I can understand wanting to get your family and friends together pre-wedding, but you can’t have a “shower” without the underlying point of it (gift giving), so frame it as something else. I’d say, either have it themed as a recipe shower (@Horseradish’s post above has great tips), or just call it a bridal luncheon.

Post # 9
2589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club

Just say “we have everything we would have registered for already, so we did not register” I wouldn’t show up to a shower or a luncheon empty handed though, so I would bring a gift card or cash most likely in this situation. I don’t think it’s a big deal at all.

Post # 10
47419 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

This whole thing where ” you can’t have a shower if you don’t have a registry” is not right at all. How do you thnk people managed to have showers before registries were a thing? There are all sorts of theme showers where no registry is necessary: recipe ( guests bring their favorite recipe and the staple ingredients), time of day, date night, honeymoon or travel,  etc.

If you don’t want a registry and people ask, you can answer “We didn’t create a registry because we have the basics. We are saving for ____ instead of getting more things for the house.”

Post # 11
474 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I honestly would just make a small registry, especially since you may have a shower.  I know you said that you all the things and do not need an upgraded items, but I am sure you can think of a dozen things!  Get some nice expensive towels, wine glasses, an air purifier, etc.  If you have a shower some people are definitely going to bring you gifts.  At least with a registry you can help guide them and get some items that you may want.  

If people ask what you want just tell them that you have all the things you need at home and would just like ot enjoy the evening with them.  


Post # 12
1045 posts
Bumble bee

I recently attended a shower where there was NO registry at all. I’ve never given cash as a shower gift so I picked up some odd household gifts I figured they could use (sheets/kitchen stuff). For the wedding I gave cash though as I usually do that even if there was a registry. 

Now when DH and I got married, I insisted on NOT having a shower as we already had tons of stuff. Mother-In-Law decided to throw a tea party and the ladies brought small gifts anyway, even though I stressed NO GIFTS please. 

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