(Closed) No Registry. Just send cash.

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1068 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Here comes the firestorm…

Post # 4
Member
1832 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Never ask for cash, its rude. Do a small registry, people will get the hint that your not really wanting gifts and will give you cash, giftcards, or something off of your registry.

You can always use new towels and bedding, maybe new bathroom decor. There is plenty that you can register for without just asking for cash.

Post # 5
Member
4606 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@Sapphire-Dreamer:  FH and I have been talking about this too. Honestly, we don’t need anything or want anything. Our wedding is also very intimate so building a registry just seems stupid. I wish it was ok to just say, “hey, give us cash, we have bills to pay” but it’s not. No advice, but I’m commenting so I can find this later. 

Post # 6
Member
628 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Sapphire-Dreamer:  Yes…you can have money sent directly to a pay-pal account. Check out honeyfund.com

When people ask where you are registered you say “Honeyfund” and give them the website/account name.

If you are creative you can make a list of gifts or funds for people to contribute to…your honeymoon, your travel, or even your plates if you want them…

It also somewhat doubles as a website if your Fiance does not want one as you get to send greetings and tell a little about your plans.

Post # 7
Member
1839 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

either make a small registry or no registry. people will either give you cash or pick out their own item to give you (the latter of which is prob not what you want), but it’s rude to straight out ask for cash.  you can also have a relative or someone spread the word that you’re saving up for ____________/would prefer cash

Post # 8
Member
12248 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Fiance and I talked about not registering… But he was just too excited to use the registry gun, and the things we registered for were things we wouldn’t think to buy ourselves, but things we would really like!

Post # 9
Member
3028 posts
Sugar bee
Post # 10
Member
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

In our culture it is the custom to gift cash so there is no awkwardness about it. And because of that I find it normal to gift cash if there is no registry present. Now, if someone flat out asks for cash gifts only, then I’m irked. But just having something cutesy on the registry page about gifting to your happily ever after fund or something would be fine in my book. 

Post # 11
Member
430 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I second pretty much every post above, keep the registry small and people will get the hint.  We were going to do the same thing but ended up adding a decent amount to our registry but we did mention that we are saving for a house.

Post # 12
Member
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

You don’t HAVE to register.  People will easily get the hint (when they find no registry) that you would prefer cash.  

 

I”m not sure why people think it’s “tacky” to not register for a slew of things the couple may not need.  I know when I give a gift, my main goal is to give the recipient something they WANT.  My nephew is at the age where he just wants cash for birthdays and Christmas.  I suppose he’s tacky too?  My point is this….the rules of etiquette are not finite.  And if you “offend” someone by not creating a wedding registry, then consider yourself saved a few years of grief from having to put on airs for someone so grumpy.

 

 

Post # 13
Member
1102 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m doing a small registry for my bridal shower and no registry for the wedding. We want cash.

Post # 14
Member
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Same conundrum for us…we don’t NEED anything. I figured we could maybe register for a few things (I’d love a great set of pots and pans and new bedding). I’m not having a bridal shower or creating a wedding website….How will guests know where I’m registered?…you certainly can’t put it on the invites (right?).

Word of mouth from our parental units?

Post # 15
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@aliciapdx:  Yep, pretty much. I’ll let those threads do the explaining for me about why you shouldn’t ask for cash, OP, but if you want a quick answer on what you CAN do, you can spread it through word of mouth so that when people ask where you’re registered, people can say, “They aren’t registered anywhere (or they have  a small registry at X), but they are saving up for a house/honeymoon/whatever. 

People aren’t dumb. They’ll get the hint. But no shower if you only want cash, since the point of it is to shower you with gifts (actual physical gifts people can wrap, not cash.) Most people will give cash at the actual wedding anyways, but having a small registry of things in your home you’d like to have or upgrade could save you from getting useless things you don’t want, since people are forced to just guess.

Post # 16
Member
9084 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I was blessed enough that my husband bought and furnished a home before we started dating. We have everything we need, honestly and truthfully.

People say asking for money is rude and taboo — why?

If they buy you an item, that is still giving you money in one way or another — I could always return the item to a store and get physical cash. Why is wanting to skip the middle man rude?

If I have everything I need, why do you need to buy me a physical item? Why not give me dollars that you were going to spend on me anyway and let me get something I want, or put it away for savings, or use it as a rainy day fund to fix the car or god knows what?

You’re going to give me money anyway. If it’s a physical item, chances are I’d return it as my home is 100% stocked with the necessities. I cannot think of something I need. Give me cash that I can use at a later date. I can use 100 bucks to fix a cracked window from a storm. I can’t use the electric mixer you bought me to do the same.

ETA: People, give it an honest thought. If a bride said (verbally or in text) to you, “Hey, we have everything we need. If you must give us something, could we opt for cash?” Would you be offended? I mean, all etiquette or taboo aside, would you personally be offended if someone asked you for cash instead of an item you were going to give them anyway?

I would not, 10,000%.

ETA: If you would be offended, why? Say you were going to buy them a 100 dollar gift. They say, “Hey, we really don’t need <gift> but we could use the cash.” So, why is it suddenly bad to give somebody money, but it’s okay to give them something of the same value? Would you be offended if they returned the gift for the cash? Why?
 

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