(Closed) No registry, what if people ask?

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
899 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

It’s tricky because some people are always going to want to give a gift. We are in a very similar situation, and I’ve ended up suggesting charitable donations – not a particularly popular idea here on the ‘Bee but it’s the right thing for us. 

Are you having a honeymoon? Some people suggest contributions towards that (and there are some good websites out there where guests can “buy” a particular part of your holiday). This isn’t an option for us as we aren’t having a honeymoon.

Post # 4
Member
2775 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

If people ask for registry info, all you have to say is that you didn’t set anything up because you have everything you need for your home.  People will deduce that cash would be the best gift.

Post # 5
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

You did the right thing…who cares if they ask? Just tell them you didn’t need to register, and you don’t intend to. At that point, they will either get you something random, give you money, or give you nothing.

Post # 6
Member
360 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

The one problem with this is that people like to give gifts, not always cash.  So instead of you asking for things you would actually like and use, they will buy you things that are their style, not yours, because they have no direction.  This happened to a friend of mine and she ended up with stuff she didn’t like and less cash than she thought she would get.  I would reccomend at least a small registry.

Post # 7
Member
2696 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@foreverthine:  Usually it’s a good idea to have a small registry because there will always be people who prefer to give a physical gift rather than cash.  And if they’re going to do that it might as well be something you want and to your taste.

But if you decide not to, just say “We have everything we need so we didn’t register.  We are saving up for X though.”  That’s the polite way to hint you’d prefer cash.  If you are saving for new furniture or something you could say, “We have everything we need so we didn’t register.  However, we are looking at getting some new furniture so a gift card to IKEA would be super helpful.”  If asked outright what you want, I don’t see an issue with asking for gift cards for a specific purchase.

Post # 8
Member
4525 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

*Everyone* has “everything they could need” and would “prefer cash”, so you are hardly the first person in this situation. You are right that when someone doesnt register the assumption others will make is they are hoping for monetary gifts.

The issue some guests run into is not wanting to give a specific monetary amount. Say I’m a guest and can only afford to spend $50 on your gift. I may feel uncomfortable and worry you’ll think I’m “cheap” if I “only” give you $50….but if say you registered for a cute $49.99 wine rack, then I can get you that and not feel crappy 🙂 *That* is one of the pros of even a tiny registry: folks that cannot afford to spend alot can still feel like they picked something you wanted.

I would consider one, small registry 🙂

Post # 9
Member
2029 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@foreverthine:  we did a cash registry on wedding republic if you want to try that.

Post # 10
Member
1542 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@badabing88:  Yeah, I’m the broke student! I will scout out the store for sales on their registry. So, I end up buying them a gift worth $80-$100, but only spend $50-$60 and feel better about it.

Post # 11
Member
4525 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@memo:  Same here 🙂 and sometimes that even means I can get them more than one item 🙂

Post # 12
Member
9956 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Etiquette Snob here…

If asked, this is what I would offer up, as it is the truth…

“To be honest, we chose not to register because our one bedroom apartment is full as it is… we are hoping tho to buy a home in the future so we are saving towards that”

That is it… don’t ask (asking for gifts is the offensive part), and no need to voluteer anything else.

Folks will take the hint.

You can also use your Immediate Families (Parents, Sibs) and the Bridal Party to get the word out incase anyone asks them about your Gift Wishes.

And in truth, there is nothing to say what you do with the cash that comes in… in the big scheme of things lets say you get $ 1000 it won’t matter if you put it towards the Down Payment or buying something else (furniture, drapes, etc for the new space) … because by the time that days rolls around, the money will be all coming out of the same pot anyhow… what you and your Hubby have to live on.

Hope this helps,

 

Post # 14
Member
1847 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Just wants to say, FI and I have been together 8+ years, and are on our second house together, and of course there’s nothing we NEED, but there’s still a few items we registered for. (new sheets, towels, kitchenaid attachments, etc) you could always register and start a hope chest for your new house if you don’t have any need for items now.

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