Post # 1
So, we sent out a stunning invitation (not to toot my own horn) complete with RSVP card and return envelope WITH a stamp. How hard is it to reply? How hard? It’s addressed. It’s stamped. All you have to do is write your name, check a box and put it in the mail.
The wedding is 09/24. We have the RSVP date for 09/01. It was not a full month like we had liked to do, BUT, we thought the first would be an easier date to remember.
We invited 218 people; we have recieved replies from 95. That’s right, 95. Less than half. Don’t get me wrong- our closest friends and families have RSVPed. MOST of the people we would have expected to hear from we have. We expected to be inundated with last-minute replies this week, and we have received ONE RSVP this week.
Still, I am blown away by the sheer percentage that have not taken the time to return one small piece of paper. Maybe some people don’t think they “need” to. Maybe they think we know they are coming, so they just don’t have to do it.
I don’t know when to start chasing people. And, we spent a LOT of money on invitations and postage, and I don’t want to let them off the hook with a simple phone call. And a small part of me is a little mad, because it feels disrespectful and lazy to not reply.
Sorry, had to vent….
Post # 3
My theory on this is that a)people are forgetful, b) people procrastinate, and c) people don’t like to say “no.” So if you have people who can’t come, they don’t want to tell you no, then the procrastinate about sending in the RSVP, then they forget about it completely. Or some people who can come might also procrastinate and forget.
Either way, it’s so common for this to happen. Maybe you can feel better in knowing you’re not alone? We didn’t send out as many invites as you (like 55 total, for about 100 guests), but we still have about 20 invites to chase down after our deadline today. Cheer up, you’re in good company!
Post # 4
@melynn44: Oh also, as much as you might want to, I’d recommend that you don’t lecture people on RSVP etiquette. It’s not going to make them feel bad, they’ll just see you as being rude or demanding. I know it sucks, but you just have to let their rudeness go.
Post # 5
The thing is……a huge percentage of the people are adults….older adults, who SHOULD know better. They should know the etiquette. That’s what makes it all the more frustrating.
Here is a kicker. One person we have yet to hear from is someone who complained to us three months ago when her son was getting married about how no one rsvp’s anymore and how rude it is.
Post # 6
- Wedding: September 2011 - Bent Creek Winery (Livermore, California); Reception: Family Residence (San Ramon, California)
I can totally relate to your frustration! Our official RSVP date was August 15th, and there are still cards we haven’t gotten back and people we still haven’t heard from! It’s crazy and so annoying. I mean, it really isn’t all that difficult to fill out the card and drop it in the mail, but so many people just can’t do it. I’d try not to take it personally. Unfortunately, not everyone follows appropriate etiquette for RSVP-ing to a wedding, and just know that you are not the only bride to go through this.
Post # 7
Jeez…this makes me NERVOUS!!!
I put postage on all the RSVPs as well, and our budget is TIGHT!
I am mailing them all out today (all 46–teeny!)–send me some good juju that peeps aren’t butt-heads and RSVP!!!!
Post # 8
oh…just wait until you follow up and people tell you they “don’t know if they are coming yet” WHAT?!
Post # 9
@Bubu82: good reasons! Especially just how people don’t like to say “no.”
However, since planing a wedding myself, I will NEVER send an rsvp card back more than a couple days after I receive it, cuz I will forget or lose it otherwise!
Like someone else said, you really can’t lecture people–they’re not doing it to be rude or malicious! BUT… I would wait 2 days after the RSVP deadline, then just pick that phone up and have no guilt about calling people!
I’m sure I’ll have to do that, but my phone call will include a pleasant-sounding but meant to remind them of their rudeness phrase, something along the lines of, “oh, well I’m so glad to hear you’ll be able to make it! We would still love it if you dropped the rsvp card in the mail tomorrow, when you’ve had a chance to think about your menu choices, as we even included a stamp to make it easy for you!” (insert ridiculously super-friendly high-pitched voice…)
Post # 10
@bee_elle: yuck! Well, if they’re people I don’t care a TON about, then I am definitely going to be like, “oh, well, unfortunately we need to know for the caterer by [insert such and such a date, a couple days from now, whether or not that’s true…] so if we don’t hear from you by then, we’re going to have to assume that you’re not able to make it and won’t be able to reserve a seat for you…”
Post # 11
@luvdmb36: I totally understand about the annoyance of feeling like you “wasted” the postage…but it’s a lost expense either way–whether or not people use them! So, just acknowledge that you *will* have to call some people and you *will* never see some of those RSVP cards again! 🙂
Post # 12
- Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ
Yeah. We not only had a self-addressed postcard with the stamp, we wrote in people’s names. All they had to do was check a box, literally. We’re still missing about half of our RSVPs – our by-date was the 26th. And 3 of the missing people are in the wedding party. I built in a week to bother people (this week), and even after sending emails and calling people, I have only gotten two more (verbal) responses. I even told people they could just let me know by email/text/whatever and still they ignore me. Is it really that difficult to just say “sorry, can’t make it”? I don’t want to assume and end up with someone who doesn’t get a place card. Garrr.
Post # 13
@red_rose: I’m soooo using that comment if I get anyone who says “we’re still not sure!”. Who does that? yyyyuck is right!
@bellagio: I agree. I just feel like saying to them: honestly, at this point I don’t care if you can come or not, I would just LIKE TO KNOW, one way or the other. I promise I won’t be offended!
Post # 14
When it was my turn, I lied and told people that the venue needed my final count 3 weeks before the wedding and that once I gave them the final count, that was IT! Of course I had built in 2 weeks into that because the final count was needed a week before the wedding. When I did that (the 3 weeks thing), I started getting lots of responses. Yes or No, it didn’t matter. As long as I got a response. I only stressed a little because they were the parents’ friends. My friends usually RSVP’ed. Yes, even those in the bridal party!! By The Way, your deadline is tomorrow. You can’t really start calling folks until maybe next Tuesday. Give time for them to mail it tomorrow and Monday is labor day.
Post # 15
You can make it as easy as pie but human nature trumps all!
If people don’t go out to Vote during a Presidential election, don’t expect an RSVP, even if it is expensive and you put so much into it.
Perhaps a “Yes” only RSVP would help ? For those who don’t want to dissapoint witha NO or don’t care they can just pass passively. Also use other options than mail. Sadly , texts, emails, and facebook messages are a better source than snail mail.
I am sorry this is happening! It really stinks and is awkward, Hope it all works out! Id love to see the invites if you have a picture, they sound amazing.
Post # 16
Forgive me OP, but isn’t your RSVP deadline tomorrow?