Post # 1
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee
Our buddy finally proposed to his girl after almost 9 years. Personally, I always thought that he wasn’t interested in being with her for the long haul, why he stayed with her for so long is still a mystery to me. After all, he wasn’t interested in living with her. He wasn’t interested in getting married and then BAM! Early February, he asked her.
Here’s the weirdest part. He didn’t get her a ring. He’s been telling my Fiance that he doesn’t want to buy a ring. He doesn’t see the need in buying one. He even told his girlfriend that if a ring was so important to her that he would just give her the money to go buy what she wants. WTF?????? He’s also telling my guy that now the wedding plans are getting too big and he doesn’t like it.
I feel badly for his girl. She’s been in 9 weddings in the last 5 years…..one was even in PARIS! Beautiful weddings that she admired. I KNOW she wants a big wedding and I know she’s saddened to know that he won’t even entertain the idea of a ring.
I don’t understand him. I really don’t. To be honest, I don’t think he wants to get married at all. I think he felt pressured after 9 years. I’m curious to see how this plays out.
Post # 3
Member
9117 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
A ring an engagement does not make.
Post # 4
Member
625 posts
Busy bee
While I don’t think rings and big fancy wedding plans are necessary, I DO think it’s important to consider the other’s wants and feelings. It doesn’t sound like he is open to doing that for her, so that does make me sad.
Post # 5
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee
@Hyperventilate:
Yes, I realize that. But I feel that if he is willing to ask her to marry him, then he should at least get her a ring. She wants one. She’s waited patiently for all of these years and now that he’s asked her, he’s shooting down not only the ring….but the idea of having bridesmaids, groomsmen, unity candle and even a rehearsal dinner!
Now, we’re eloping because these things mean nothing to us….but at least my guy felt that a ring was a symbol of his love…..
Post # 6
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee
@PonytailKim:
Exactly. that’s what I told him. A marriage is work and compromise…they aren’t even married yet and they can’t compromise on anything. She’s willing to compromise on not having a ton of people in the wedding party, but he says it has to be zero people. She’s willing to compromise on the rehearsal….no dinner, but at least a rehearsal, he says NO WAY. It’s as if he’s just pushing her into a corner or something. I don’t get it.
Post # 7
Member
9117 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
@MrsParcell: If he does not like or believe what a ring stands for, no. He does not have to get her one. If she wants one, that is something she needs to work out with him, but he is not required to buy her a ring. Socially it is the “norm” but there are different folks from different strokes all over the world. Some cultures, and some families don’t use rings.
If he doesn’t like rings, that’s his prerogative. If she wants one, that’s hers.
Personally, I think this guy was pressured into it. Either by her or by their peers. If that’s the case, he doesn’t really want to get married and I think a ring would be the least of her worries.
Post # 8
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee
@Hyperventilate:
“Personally, I think this guy was pressured into it. Either by her or by their peers. If that’s the case, he doesn’t really want to get married and I think a ring would be the least of her worries.”
I agree with you. I just told my Fiance that “in the back of her mind, she HAS to be questioning things”.
Post # 9
Member
1649 posts
Bumble bee
He sounds like a douche AND he’s putting her in the ackward position to ask him for money to buy herself a ring. Who does that? I think after 9 yrs of putting up with his stupid ass, the least he can do is get her a ring. However, their relationship doesnt seem that great to begin with and maybe they’re both just settling. I would sit back and watch the sh1tshow unfold as their wedding date gets closer… unfortunately, there’s nothing u can really do.
Post # 10
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee
Aww 🙁 OF COURSE she would want a pretty ring! WTH is he thinking? Is he stingy? Maybe he thinks an ER should be super expensive? Is he really going to just “give her money so she can buy whatever she wants”?? What a douche…
Post # 11
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee
@Diamondgurl:
I’m starting to wonder if he will go through with it. His family will disown him for a time if he does. NO DOUBT about it. He is 32 and she is 31. They are ready for him to marry her. They love her to death. If I was her, I’d be thinking twice too!
Post # 12
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee
@Arganique: “Aww 🙁 OF COURSE she would want a pretty ring! WTH is he thinking? Is he stingy? Maybe he thinks an ER should be super expensive? Is he really going to just “give her money so she can buy whatever she wants”?? What a douche…”
He actually told her that! I couldn’t believe it! Of course she told him that was totally unacceptable and that she wouldn’t pick out her own ring. I’m sure that there is A LOT of drama going on that we’re not aware of, on top of this one.
Post # 13
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
Sounds like he is not too eager to get married.
My fiance is quite liberal and he didnt really believe in the concept of engagement, ring or wedding. His first wedding was at his lunch time at the city hall. (he is 20 years older). But at the same time he knows how important those things were to me, so he was willing to compromise to make me happy, he did get me a ring, but we didnt have an engagement party, and even though he’d rather just elope somewhere we’ve decided on a small wedding of 25-30 of or family and really close friends, and I am totally ok with that.
From experience if the guy really loves you and wants to be with you he’ll compromise on some things along the way.
Post # 14
Member
11 posts
Newbee
I don’t think rings and big fancy wedding plans are necessary, I DO think it’s important to consider the other’s wants and feelings
.
