- 9 years ago
- Wedding: May 2010
I’m going through a bit of a tough situation and it’s one that’s hard for me to judge impartially from my position. Am I being emotional over the commitment of getting engaged? Justifiably upset? Over-reacting? Under-reacting? Being in the midst of the situation, I just don’t know.
So here’s the deal, and you impartial bees please tell me what you think!
My boyfriend and I got unofficially engaged on the 4th of July. We reserved a church, a reception hall, and put down a couple of deposits on vendors. We told immediate family (parents and siblings,) but no one else.
We agreed that the ‘Official Announcement’ would be over the holidays. I told him in pretty blunt terms that if we were doing a ring, I wanted to have it before we told everyone after Christmas. Lest you think I’m being materialistic, I also said no ring or a silvery band would be totally cool with me. Just, whatever we decided to do, I wanted it to be settled and done before we announced things. I didn’t want to do a piecemeal…”Ok, now we decided to get married…now we got a ring…” I wanted one big, official “Ta da! We’re engaged!”.
Now, he kept saying I would get a ring before Valentine’s Day. To be fair to his side of the story, he never once promised I would get the ring for Christmas. Again, I told him a few times that IF we were going to do some sort of ring, getting it before we announced things was important to me.
So here’s what happened. We both went to my house for the holidays, where my extended family was all gathered. I got no ring for Christmas. He actually didn’t get me anything for Christmas, because the ring is supposed to ‘count’ as my present even if I get it in January or February. My mom leaked things to a few people but I told him that now I don’t want to announce things because I want to wait on the ring.
That upset me somewhat. What upset me even more is that he refuses to talk about it at all. His blanket response is just “I said you’ll get it before Valentine’s Day, and I’m not saying anything more about it.”
On his side, if he is planning a big surprise or something then maybe I’m in the wrong here for pressuring him. On my side, we mutually agreed to announce things after Christmas and I made it clear that having the ring (or deciding not to have one,) was an important part of that for me.
I totally understand that things happen, and if he had offered any kind of explanation…”Sorry, I ordered it and it just didn’t arrive in time”….”I have a surprise planned that just won’t work before the holidays”…etc., I would be fine. Hearing “you’ll get it when you get it” and disregarding my stated feelings about the holidays just upsets me though.
Am I having a hissy fit over nothing here? I feel like it’s not about the ring at this point, it’s about the communication behind it. Should I be concerned, or is this just “Oh My Gosh I’m Getting Freaking Married Here!” anxiety?