Post # 1
So our five year has come and passed, it’s almost summer and our vacation to see his family got cancled. Sixmonths ago he got in a car accident and he could have used the money from the insurance to get a decent car, instead he decided to get something more expensive because he always wanted a mustang.
Now he tells me that he is saving money for the ring, but it willtake a year because the car payments take a lot of his extra cash. This week had randomly dropped $500 for some car upgrades to make his car “cooler”.
Ugh, just feeling frustrated. I have seen his bank account & he has plent of $$$ for the ring.
Post # 2
I’m not really sure how you judge someone else’s bank account as “plenty of money for a ring.”
Not everyone wants to zero out their bank balance. Just because he has money in his account, doesn’t mean it’s money that isn’t meant for something. Like for instance my account has money in it, but there’s auto pay accounts that are going to take out money soon and then I’ll be broke again.
Post # 3
wow, way to get your nose into something that really has nothing to do with you! His insurance money is exactly that, his. If he wants to buy a nicer car than what YOU think he should have, then it is on him. It is HIS money after all.
and I’m sorry if I sound bitchy but who are you to say if he has enough money to buy you a ring? Whatever is in his account is none of your business. What if he wants to save more money to buy you a bigger ring? Or put a deposit in a house for the 2 of you? Or start saving for a nice honeymoon?
Post # 4
Jadegreen: That would definitely frustrate me. Especially at 5 years in. Sorry to hear that 🙁
Post # 5
I agree with others that his financial profile is his own business. Regardless, you don’t need a ring to be engaged, so if you’re really ready for an engagement at the 5-year mark, then let him know. He may not be ready.
Post # 6
Jadegreen: I think you have every right to be frustrated if getting engaged is something you guys had talked about openly and frequently before he bought the car. If you guys are looking at marriage, I personally believe that your finances are DEFINITELY something that should be each other’s business. My FI and I agreed to a budget before we were engaged and before we’d even been dating that long, and I think talking about finances might be a good conversation to have. Debt is one of marriage’s biggest stressors, and if he’s now in debt with this new car, you might want to get on the same page before you commit. I know how frustrating this can be—my FI did a similar thing and spent a ton of money on building a new computer (he builds them himself, so it was expensive to have the best parts) instead of buying an engagement ring despite our long conversations about it, but the reasoning turned out that he just wasn’t ready to propose yet and wanted it to be the perfect timing. I now this is nowhere near the expense of a new car, but we came to a compromise with future finances, we did research to buy a more affordable ring, and he just held onto the ring until he was ready to propose–which wasn’t until over 6 months later. Everything worked out perfectly in the end! We just weren’t communicating great at the time. Wish you the best of luck!!
Post # 7
I was with my ex for almost 7 years, and although others may disagree with a definition of enough, I know for a fact he had “enough” for a ring, 4 years into dating… as in he had over 6 figures in savings, plus almost that much in 401k. I don’t care what anyone says… that was enough. If money isn’t an issue, something else is or he’s just not there yet, even after 5 years.
IMO, his finances are certainly your issue if you are discussing marriage and in a serious relationship. If you disagree with this purchase though, you should definitely figure out now how you two will handle finances in the future if/when you do get married. A good plan, or similar spending habits is very important imo.
Post # 8
Jadegreen: yeah, if you personally don’t mind a $10 ring, then there should be no reason why he can’t propose to you now. Unless 1. He wants to give you a really expensive ring that is beyond his savings. 2. He’s just not ready yet.
Post # 9
- Wedding: November 2014 - 11/15/14-Vineyard
You need to talk to him now. Tell him what you want and what you expect. You know you love him and want to spend the rest of your life with him and it’s not an ultimatum but that you need to think about your future, whether it is with him or without him. Just tell him you have to look out for you. 5 years is MORE THAN ENOUGH. You will remain here for say 3 more months, and if he decides that you are not a priority than you will make decisions to move forward with your life without him. It’s not giving him an ultimatum but letting him know what YOU want and that YOU are important. If the 3 months are approaching, start looking for a place to live, leave the rental ads out with some circled, etc, so he can see that you are serious without you having to say anything. Start packing stuff up, etc. Do not bring up the subject again after discussing with him, just be happy, kill him with kindness if you have to but live your life. Start going out more and being available to him less. Let him see and feel life without you.
Post # 10
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
His cool car is more important than proposing to you. Figure out how much longer you’re willing to wait and plan to walk that date if he still makes excuses for not proposing. I’ve been proposed to by 3 different men and not one made up excuses or put off proposing to because they didn’t have the money. #1 owned his own company and financed the ring because he wanted to propose ASAP rather than waiting until he saved up enough money. #2 bought a sapphire ring because he could afford it with what he had saved up when he decided to propose. #3 proposed with his grandma’s ring. No more excuses after 5 years. Either he wants to propose to you and get married or he doesn’t.
Post # 11
Jadegreen: Sorry to heatr about this– I’d be frustrated, too.
While technicaly speaking, unless you’ve joined finances and know every bill that has to be paid, it’s probably not quite fair to say that he has money to buy the ring. At the same time, if you’ve been together for 5 years, I’d take a solid guess and say that you likely know about his finances.
I’d be frustrated to– if I was in the know about my SO’s finances and truly felt he could afford a ring– I’d start to think it was an excuse. And while he *deserves* to drive a car he wants– there are a lot of us who might deserve more than we can realistically afford. My husband is a truck guy– and he *should* be driving a truck right now. But his Ranger was starting to have expensive repairs, and we agreed that when we get a truck, it will be at least a Supercab (we need to fit carseat(s) back there) if not a Supercrew cab. So when we realized how much his payments were going to be for the truck (and a basic model, at that)- we decided they were really high. Technically, we could have afforded them, but it would have a ton of sacrifice elsewhere– so he took one for the team and drives a Focus Hatchback (manual for fun)– instead. He traded in his truck and bought a new car– knowing that when the payments will be more comfortable, he will get his truck.
Your SO could have found a less expensive, brand new car– and therefore had some money for your ring– or at least been close to the goal of purchasing a ring. So I totally understand where your frustrations lie. I’d feel like a car was important than marrying me!!
Hope your ring comes soon!!
Post # 12
I’m very sorry, Jade. 🙁 I’d feel miffed as well. He decided his dream car was more important, and to me that’s not okay. I’d never put off something important to my fiance so I could have something for myself, so I don’t understand your boyfriend’s thinking, and then $500 in upgrades to make it “cooler”, whaaaat? If you’ve been seriously talking about marriage together and he made a promise to you, then his promise to you comes FIRST.
Five years is enough. Either he’s ready or he’s not.
Post # 13
Jadegreen: I looked at this a little differently.
IMO it makes more sense for him to spend money on the car he wants now and propose later on. It would be a waste for him to just get a decent car when he knows he plans to get a mustang anyway. He might as well get it now while he has the money rather than having to deal with exchanging or selling a car in the future to do an upgrade he can do now. A proposal is much easier to fit in later than getting another car.