(Closed) "No ring no bring"??

posted 3 years ago in Guests
  • poll: What would you do?

    Suck it up and go anyway

    Don't go, but send a gift/card

    Don't go and DON'T send a gift/card

    Email the bride and tell her you think she's being rude

  • Post # 2
    Member
    4252 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: February 2009

    It is her wedding and her rule, so I would leave it alone.  But if it is important for you that he is included, just don’t go.  If it were me and my DH, before marriage, I likely would  not have gone if he wasn’t invited.  And unless it is someone I am really close with, I don’t send a gift if I do not attend.

    Post # 3
    Member
    130 posts
    Blushing bee

    I would email her back but instead of telling her off? I would say: Unfortunately Dave and I planned on attending this wedding together, as per the save the date invite and our previous conversation. I’m not comfortable coming without him, so I respectfully decline. All the best. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    10460 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2016

    This happened to me a couple of time while I was dating my husband. If he wasn’t invited, I didn’t go and I didn’t send a gift. It was laughable to me that despite the fact that we had been together longer than any couple whose wedding we were invited to our relationship somehow wasn’t vaild enough for both of us to be invited. 

    When we got married I made sure to invite every single SO no matter if they were dating (for whatever length of time), engaged or married. We got several thank-yous from guests for including thier loved ones. It let everyone enjoy our wedding even more since they could share it with thier special someone!

    In your situation, I would just not go, not send a gift, and let the friendship die out since it was headed that way anyway. I wouldn’t cause drama over it. Just simply rsvp “no”. You don’t need to tell her why or tell her off for being rude.

    Post # 5
    Member
    32 posts
    Newbee

    I’d just be done with it and her since you said that this isn’t an important relationship, but that’s me and the older I get the less time I have for what I call cotton candy friendships. I don’t agree with your friend emailing her, it’s rude to point out how rude someone is being towards you. She is being rude though, live in partners definitely get an invite. Assuming there is some pooling of your money it’s asking someone to use household resources on an invite to half the couple.

    Post # 6
    Member
    482 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2017

    Some people do only invite married or engaged couples, which I think is fine per etiquette- but what isn’t fine is addressing the STD to both of you and then revoking his invitation. The whole point of save the dates are so you can start making arrangements so what if you had already booked a flight for both of you and she took it back? On top of that you are TRAVELING so to me making someone travel alone without their serious SO is rude, etiquette might not say that but to me it is. I would decline and tell her it’s horrible etiquette to revoke invitations, especially when you started making plans months ago based on that he was originally invited. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    4846 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Very rude. I wouldn’t go. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    1290 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2021 - City, State

    Wow how bloody rude is she? No ring no being is EXTREMELY judgmental, way to undermine someone’s relationship status because of a piece of jewellery, I’d be telling her unfortunately I can’t come. 

    Since weddings are so expensive, cutting a guest out should help with the budget 

    Post # 9
    Member
    243 posts
    Helper bee

    Wow – that is beyond rude!  Couples living together need to be invited as a pair.  Basically this couple want you to travel and share in their day, but they can’t be bothered to acknowlege the existence or value of your relationship with your SO.  I would be so pissed – definitely decline and skip the gift!  At most I’d send a card…signed by both of you of course ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 11
    Member
    4705 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    View original reply
    ru4realgurl :  I think you should always invite established couples. If you can’t afford to host established couples then you either cut your guest list or rethink the style of yoyr wedding and host a more economical event.

    I think the way she handled it is what I consider extremely rude. If she had been honest and upfront about capacity/budget constraints in the beginning then it would be less rude than reneging on an invitation. 

    If one truly finds oneself in the position as having to cut numbers after Save-The-Date Cards have been sent out, the polite thing is to call your affected guests and explain the situation.  To have them  call you and say something as rude as ‘no ringy, no bringy’ is beyond process!  Then on top of it all make reference to FF miles is a joke. I’d be pissed too. Send her a card and be done with her and her friendship… I can understand maybe having to cut guests at the 11th hour for whatever reason but the way in which she handled it is a friendship  ending move for me….

    Post # 12
    Member
    7591 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    Wow, my blood is boiling over her patronizing “no ring no bring!” bullshit. That’s fine if she wants to disregard etiquette (which is quite clear that people in established relationships, esp living together, should be invited as a social unit to a wedding), but throwing this condescending no ring no bring, “he should pay for your trip” crap…just no. I could probably forgive the lapse in etiquette in not inviting your bf, but the rude reply (that is dripping in smuggery) would be a dealbreaker. Your friendship was already fading…for me it would be over now.

    I probably wouldn’t send a gift. I would have a hard time resisting the urge to write a snarky response though. Something like:

    “Oh ok, I had just assumed he was invited since you told me he was a few months ago and also because I’ve never been invited to a wedding without my partner before, or even heard of people doing that, but you do you. ๐Ÿ˜‰ ๐Ÿ˜‰ ๐Ÿ˜‰ Unfortunately given this development I won’t be able to make it, but best wishes!!!!!!!”

     

    Post # 13
    Member
    13373 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    Etiquette says couples who are engaged, married, or living together must be invited as a social unit. But it also says that unless your opinion has been solicited it is also rude wrong to lecture your friend about how she’s in violation of good manners. 

    You were within your rights to ask if your Boyfriend or Best Friend was invited and since a STD was sent to both of you, you obviously made the assumption that the invitation was incorrectly addressed and meant for both of you. That was very crass on their part. 

    Your polite options are to decline or accept regardless. If you decline no explanation is necessary. But it would not be classy, gracious or productive to get into a debate. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    3237 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2017

    This is annoying and disrespectful. Do not go.

    Post # 15
    Member
    1603 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2017

    The fact that he was included on the save the date makes this all the worse. Definitely don’t go. If you want to say something, I think englishrosesinaprik put it VERY well!

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