MemberHaha WHOA this B* is crazy. “Sorry you RSVP’d no, send me some honeyfund $ anyway.” I hope she stumbles on weddingbee one day. I always think I’ve read it all and someone ups the ante.
Member“With people moving in together at a drop of a hat & not really committing to each other after 5-10 years together (heck, we see it here, all the time)…. I’m not sure the whole “established couple” thing is really a thing. I don’t blame the gal. Weddings are expensive. Just don’t go & send a card. No biggie.”
Some people also get married “at the drop of a hat,” lots of people get divorced or are not committed and loyal during their marriage. I guess the thing to do would be to quiz every couple on the length, seriousness, and committment of their relationship before inviting their SO’s. That way we can weed out those 5 and 10-year couples, married or not, who are not REALLY in an “established relationship”. 
MemberIt is perfectly within the bounds of etiquette to draw the line at only inviting the SOs of those who are considered to be a social unit (i.e. married, engaged or — only because etiquette considers them to be secretly married — those who are living together.) However, your friend had already verbally indicated that your SO would be invited, and you are actually living together. Because of those issues, she is being impolite in her actions.
If you and your SO were planning to go on this trip, you both could still go and enjoy the rest of the time together, while you go to the wedding for a few hours alone. It’s not ideal, but you could still visit the city together.
MemberI think you’ve made all the right decisions here – declining the invite as well as not sending a gift. It is within the bounds of ettiquette not to invite people that aren’t married and that would have been fine, but the fact that she had told you more than once that he would be invited, and discussed it with you directly makes it pretty rude. Especially since he was even on the save the date!
I bet that she went over budget and had to cull the guest list last minute – likely including you. Disinviting your boyfriend to an out of town wedding is a pretty clear indicator she wasn’t overly invested in your attending.
Including the honeymoon link in that email was toootally tacky as well. It’s a pretty obvious dig for money and she should have waited for you to ASK for the link to any registry if you still wanted to send a gift.
She sounds a bit socially clueless and even though I don’t think this is like a grave and terrible offense, I’m not terribly surprised she has a difficult time hanging onto friends.