(Closed) No ring, no bring

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 62
Member
974 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

View original reply
tiffanybruiser :  I’m still waiting for her to come back with an explanation.  I don’t think there really is one beyond,.I don’t feel like paying for my guests to bring their so but there’s no etiquette approved way to say this so I’ll bring up that being unmarried means you don’t support marriage and I don’t want that negativity at my wedding. (Or something along those lines)

Post # 63
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Our rule for our wedding was based on a few things including cost and venue size since we are a younger couple paying 100% ourselves.

We gave plus ones to:

– the whole bridal party

– people who live with their SO

– all engaged couples

-those who have been dating each other exclusively for at least a year

 

For us, this was able to provide uniformity and fairness to everyone. It does ackwlodge that people’s situations and beliefs may not make getting engaged or living togetehr possible even if they are seriuos, while also weeding out the crazy cost and loss of personaly knowing guests and people’s flavor of the month. So far only one person has had a problem of it and that person has an issue with everything all the time so we weren’t suprised. We’ve had much more flack about being a childfree event than our plus one policy. 

Post # 64
Member
911 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

View original reply
becks90 :  

1. All members of the bp get +1. 

2. I hate that stupid no ring no bring rule.. because I was wirh Fiance for 3 years before we got engaged.. living together almost 3 as well.. so i would be really hurt and pissed off someone invited him and not me. His brother got married about 18 months after Fiance and I met and I was invited by name. My Fiance was a groomsman, he sat at the head table, I wasn’t a Bridesmaid or Best Man obviously but I sat at the table with his parents 🙂 I’m even in 2-3 of their group family photos.

Post # 65
Member
1150 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

I don’t agree with “no ring, no bring” under any circumstances personally. Who’s to say that my relationship was less valid after 11 years and 1 day than it was after 11 years and 2 days when he proposed? Does that extra day make all the difference?

To me, cohabiting would be a good place to draw the line if for financial/space reasons the guest list had to be controlled.

Post # 66
Member
2164 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

I don’t think any rule excuding an SO is a judgment on the validity of a relationship. We all know married couples who we know are a matter of time before they implode, so that isn’t it. We invite the married couples. 

It is just a way of sorting out who is going to be invited, based on space/expense. It seems like there is nothing that is perfect no matter what we do, there will always be someone who says “why can’t I bring my boyfriend? We’ve been dating 8 months!” and someone else saying “I don’t want to invite Schelman’s girlfriend, we don’t know her.”

Post # 67
Member
9949 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think the guideline is absurd.  I would never de-value someone else’s relationship at my wedding just because they weren’t engaged or married.  A wedding celebrates love, and only an insensitive and uncaring person wouldn’t allow a couple to attend a wedding together solely because there isn’t a ring on her finger.

Post # 68
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 1983

View original reply
becks90 :  

How did something I didn’t write and strongly disagree with get attributed to me and quoted in your previous post? 

Post # 69
Member
7973 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

every couple no matter how the long the relationship is should be invited.

oru bridal party did not automatically get plus ones.  we only invited named people in relationships. 

one of our groomsman starting dating a girl a few weeks before our wedding, we added her on and a little over a year later, we attended their wedding.

Post # 70
Member
477 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
tiffanybruiser :  It’s right up there with “A ring by Spring” at most college campuses.

Post # 71
Member
1042 posts
Bumble bee

I’m against the “no ring no bring” camp also, but what would be the appropriate thing to do regarding plus ones? Does everyone get a plus one? What about your cousins/nephews/nieces who are 18? What about 16? Younger? If they have a “girlfriend” or “boyfriend”, what does etiquette state?

Cause despite being against the “no ring, no bring” camp, I would feel a bit wasteful giving an invitation to a younger, say highschool or middleschool relative who cycles girlfriends/boyfriends every month.

Post # 72
Member
5304 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
becks90 :  I invited all significant others to our wedding whether married, common-law, engaged or in a relationship, and made an effort to include their names rather than ‘and guest’. For all single, unattached adults I included ‘and guest’. Not that we’re made of money, but people’s feelings are more important to me than a fancy ‘dream vision’ of my wedding, so I’d rather budget to allow for plus 1s and trim the budget elsewhere

Post # 73
Member
465 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

i have never heard of this policy but it’s a ridiculous one! hahahaha

i think if you can afford it just provide a plus one for your guests. and if you can’t then just address it to them. 

 

Post # 74
Member
252 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: St. petersburg, FL

I’m in agreement with the majority here. That sentence makes me cringe and it screams ignorance. I’ve been with my SO for over three years, and have thankfully been invited to most of his friends’ (he is older, so most of his friends are in that stage of their lives) weddings, and i’ve been so happy to have been able to attend their weddings, because a lot of them are actually important to us. 

When SO and I were in the beginning of our relationship (probably 1 – 2 months of official dating), he was a Bridesmaid or Best Man and I was not invited to the wedding. At first I was annoyed because he was in the wedding party and I had met the couple quite a few times/hung out with them and he even asked (looking back, that was rude, but I didn’t ask him to ask!), but over time I realized that is silly and I should not have been upset about it. Now, we are still great friends with that couple, and when SO and I get married (hopefully?) they will definitely be invited… no bad feelings there. 

Another etiquette faux-pas that I recently experienced, was SO receiving an invite to a wedding, plus his guest. We have been dating for over 3 years at this point, and i’m friendly with both the Groom and Bride, and we even had a trip to my parents’ beach house planned for the week after their wedding (they are doing a delayed honeymoon). When we got to the wedding, my place card still said “guest”. That rubbed me the wrong way, especially since there were only two “guests” listed on the entire seating chart…rude IMO!

I don’t feel as if my SO and my relationship is any less significant because he hasn’t proposed yet. If I didn’t know the couple at all, I guess I wouldn’t be that offended, but we are definitely a social unit even though we are not engaged/married AND (gasp) we don’t live together. Weddings are supposed to be a celebration, not a relationship-o-meter to judge others’ with. For budgetary reasons, plus ones might not be given out, but I think it’s pretty rude to judge others’ relationships based on a ring or lack of one. 

The topic ‘No ring, no bring’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors