No ring no bring/ no meet no seat

posted 1 year ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
918 posts
Busy bee

Weddings are not tit for tat. If you want to invite them, do. If not, don’t. But you don’t need to make your decision based on what they chose to do for their weddings previously.

Post # 3
Member
2700 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

View original reply
bride2020123 :  I don’t see how them not inviting your now Fiance to their wedding has anything to do with them being invited to yours. If you want them there, invite them. If you don’t want them there, don’t. Nothing else should factor in, especially not some vendetta. A lot of couples do the no ring, no bring. 

Post # 4
Member
871 posts
Busy bee

Remember your own feelings of being a bit hurt and excluded. This can give you mixed feelings toward helping them celebrate their happy day, even if you attend and smile and keep these feelings to yourself. Now, if there was one wedding where you and your boyfriend at the time were both included, remember how much nicer that felt. Even if some of these couples didn’t include you and your fiance, be the gracious hosts that extend invites to significant others. If it’s a matter of cost or not being close to them, you don’t have to invite them at all, but I’d either invite both or neither. 

Post # 5
Member
894 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

View original reply
bride2020123 :  That just sounds so childish. If you don’t want to invited them then don’t. But if it brought up. Be women enough to tell the truth and say “Well they didn’t invite my boyfriend to their wedding so I didn’t invite them to mine” See how silly and high schoolish that sounds. 

Post # 6
Member
5043 posts
Bee Keeper

 Why maintain relationships with them at all if you are just going to be petty and keep a scorecard?

You either like them or you don’t.  You either want them at your wedding or you don’t.  It’s really just that simple.  No scorecard necessary. 

Post # 8
Member
1052 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I totally understand wanting to be petty but be the bigger person and show them how proper etiquette is done and invite them.  

Post # 9
Member
2423 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Well, you can’t help how you feel, but I don’t see how it is relevant now. If they don’t receive an invite to your wedding, they’ll probably just assume you don’t feel that close to them anymore. I doubt they’ll make the connection that you are giving them a figurative middle finger for not allowing you a plus one however many years ago.

Post # 10
Member
2144 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I can completely understand why you were hurt. Of course the way these couples treated you and your Fiance would have an impact on how you engage with them now. Not sure why people are claiming one has nothing to do with the other. They choose to not recognize your serious relationship of several years and it’s certainly not childish to take that into consideration when you decide how close you are to these friends going forward. That’s not petty, that’s self respect.

Post # 11
Member
798 posts
Busy bee

Be the bigger person, here. On another note…why even continue to be friends if you feel like you need to even the score…? ETA: I think what they did was exceptionally rude. 

Post # 13
Member
7557 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I understand being hurt by them excluding your SO from their weddings – but not everyone lives by the same etiquette rules. If these are people you care about and that have otherwise been good friends, then invite them to your wedding and let bygones be bygones. If not, then dont.

Post # 14
Member
2522 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

View original reply
bride2020123 :  It sucks that they didn’t invite your fiance, but I wouldn’t let that make the decision as to whether or not you invite them.

If you really want them there, invite them and give them a plus one if you know that they’re in relationships. Just because they were rude, doesn’t mean you need to be rude as well.

My husband invited people I had never met and vice versa, so I wouldn’t not invite someone just because my husband hasn’t had the opportunity to meet them yet.

Post # 15
Member
2485 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

It’s very childish to not invite someone’s SO just because they didn’t invite yours. Be an adult and the bigger person. If you want to invite them, invite them and their SO or don’t invite them at all. 

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