Post # 32
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
My Fiance gave me a stand-in until we got one made. Would that be an option for you? Then you could wear the stand-in as a RHR or use it as part of your set if it is a band
ETA that is just to address the ring issue- I think an engaged couple without a ring is absolutely as engaged as a couple with a ring.
Post # 33
I was engaged without a ring and it was my choice. With a new house and vehicle payments I couldn’t fathom spending $1000+ on a ring when it could be used in far more important areas of our life. Besides that, I have a metal allergy so why bother buying something I couldn’t wear.
Post # 34
I appreciate the opinions and wish more people who said that I wouldn’t be considered engaged would speak up.
Maybe I also should have added that I’m not generally a jewelry person, I have three pieces that all have significant meaning for me and maybe are worth $100 combined. Only one of them gets worn. I also don’t want a diamond but I can see why people assume I’m talking about a diamond ring. I’ve offered to give my SO the CZ ring I bought years ago but he told me to get rid of it because it’s fake and he doesn’t want something fake to represent something real. (I recently got my SO to reconsider moissanite because he used to put it together with CZ)
If it comes down to it and I have to choose between a ring and my dog, I’m obviously choosing my dog. The ring isn’t the end all be all of my existence but I did fall in love with the looks on my grandmothers’ faces when they would look at their engagement ring/wedding band and talk about how much they loved their husbands, children, lives, and how they hope I find someone as good as my grandfathers. For them, it was a daily reminder worn on the most easily seen part of our bodies about their romance, their love, their lives, and was a tangible way to recall them. Maybe instead of a ring I can use my love of photography and take a picture right after of the two of us and just tell people that we’re ring shopping or waiting until wedding bands.
Thank you, Bees for your opinions and messages of support. They really are appreciated.
Post # 35
I have definitely known people to be engaged without a ring. It depends on the situation, but generally no I don’t think a ring is not necessary. There have definitely been some situations on the bee where people think they’re engaged but never got a ring – thoguh I think that is more a miscommunication that they took it as being engaged when the “fiance” said Do you want to marry me, in a curious conversational way, not a proposal type of way.
You seem to want a ring though, so I think you should at least get a stand in! Find a nice CZ (try berricle.com) ring until you guys can afford to upgrade. I don’t think it’s selfish either. It’s okay to want the whole shebang! (even if you formerly said you didn’t need it). I’d definitely be bummed if he wasn’t holding my ring when he proposed!
Post # 36
@LemonyItch: This must be hard, but what about buying a nice but inexpensive (like $100) ring that you can use as a stand-in? My coworker did this, not due to financial reasons.. but because she was super picky and still looking for the perfect ring. Everyone understood… and I don’t think many people even asked.
In this case I think it’s important to be practical. I would wear the stand-in ring and say “oh, this is the ring he proposed with but we plan on getting a different one when the time is right – with all these overseas moving expenses, a ring isn’t a huge priority, but marriage is!” and leave it at that. If people don’t understand this, they’re idiots and mean spirited.
You will get the ring of your dreams… it’s not like your SO is giving excuses or anything. It’ll just take a little more time!
ETA: I would make the ring look like a normal ring.. not an engagement ring per se, if you don’t want to explain it’s CZ or whatever. Nothing wrong w. CZ but I’d feel weird if people were admiring my “diamond”. Get a pearl ring or something like my coworker did (he proposed in Hawaii with a black pearl ring).
Or… you could just run off and get married and wear a wedding band hehe. No engagement questions 😀
Post # 37
this was me. I got engaged in August and we booked everything at the end of October. I didn’t pick out my ring until last month.
Post # 38
My grandpa proposed to my grandma without a ring. He simply couldnt afford it. Her wedding band was plain gold. Years later he bought her an engagement ring that he could afford even though it was still very small by Bees standards (1/8 carat solitare). They were married for a few months shy of 40 years when he passed away. They had what I would consider a perfect marriage-based on love not material possessions. So yes, I would fully consider someone engaged even if they never not a traditional engagement ring.
Post # 39
Yes you will still be engaged without a ring! Get a stand-in, I bet you can find a beauty for $50. Or even just a titanium band or something. If people ask just tell them you are still looking. I would take my dog offer a peice of metal and rock anyday too!
Post # 40
My fiance actually proposed to me without a ring. Three days later we did go to the jewlery store to pick out a ring, but I consider our engagement date as November 17th not November 20th. Without the ring I was so happy to be engaged. I like having my ring and enjoy showing it off, but if I was to take it off now I would still “feel” engaged. But everyone is different and I could see how to some it may appear that you’re not engaged if you don’t have a ring. It’s a personal decision just like everything from now until you get married and even when you’re married. It’s about how you feel and if you want to have a ring, talk it over with your fiance. Get a simple ring now and then later, maybe on an anniversary, he/you can get another one/”upgrade”?
Post # 41
Wow now 23 people say that you have to have a ring to be engaged. I guess their culture is the only one that exists?
Post # 42
My FH asked me to marry him last Saturday without a ring so I am now officially engaged and ringless. We will be getting a ring soon and he jokes that he’s going to propose again but honestly I couldn’t possibly be happier. I’m engaged to an amazing man who loves me… not having a ring doesn’t make that any less amazing to me.
Post # 43
I’m wondering how serious they were being considering none of them have elaborated on that opinion.
Post # 44
I didn’t have a ring until about 9 months into our engagement. Sometimes I wished I had one, just because rings are pretty, but I never considered it the thing to make us engaged. You could always just get a costume piece to wear until you get your real ring, I’ve gotten some as low as $6 that are really pretty and hold up well.
Post # 45
Do people really do that? Vote to make the OP feel like crap??
Post # 46
@LemonyItch: Could your feelings have more to do with him having not propposed yet? Maybe you won’t be so concerned about the ring after you are actually engaged?
If you don’t have a ring, I would consider you to be engaged when you set a wedding date.
My Mother-In-Law got an engagement blender (and a beautiful ring 25 years later). If you are insecure, there are definitely cheap stand-ins available. I wore a sort of promise ring that cost $20 and it was sooo beautiful.