(Closed) No ring proposal/engagement

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Do you consider someone to be engaged without a ring?

    Yes

    No

    You're being selfish and/or crazy

    This is a normal feeling, don't fret

  • Post # 62
    Member
    384 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Of course you can be engaged without a ring! The ring is only a symbol that’s linked to Western culture. It is nothing like a binding contract that makes an engagment official. None of my Arab friends got engagement rings when they agreed to marry their SOs. A couple are engaged once they have agreed to marry. End of.

    Post # 64
    Member
    862 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I got engaged without a proposal and without a ring because we just couldn’t afford it at the time. We had been talking about marriage for months and I considered myself officially engaged the moment we booked our wedding date with the church.  I got an engagement ring and a wedding ring later, though, and I’m sure you will too (if that’s what you want).  In the meantime, what matters is your commitment to each other, your intention to marry, and the fact that you both have agreed upon marrying.  I think that rings and proposals are really romantic but there are lots of reasons why it just doesn’t/can’t happen sometimes, and that’s okay too.  If anyone doubts the seriousness of your engagement just because you don’t have a ring (yet), then they’re placing too much emphasis on materialism.  Contrary to popular opinion, engagement is NOT all about the ring.

    Post # 65
    Member
    862 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I also wanted to point out that engagement rings don’t have to break the bank. 🙂  You can get some really beautiful rings at very decent prices.  Both of my rings (yellow gold with pave diamonds and a sapphire center stone) together cost just under $1500 (and they’re exactly what I wanted), but you can even get them a lot cheaper than that.

    Post # 66
    Member
    45 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    When we were about to get engaged, my now fiance really wanted to get me a diamond ring.

     

    I absolutely refused.

    I’m not disagreeing with people who want a diamond ring, especially when they can afford it, of course. To each their own and all – it’s not really my place to dictate what anyone should or shouldn’t do. That said, the idea of a really expensive diamond ring never sat well with me, especially when he have an expensive visa process and intercontinental move to deal with. We actually had a quite a few arguments over this, but I managed to adequately prove to him that the tradition of diamond wedding rings is pretty young and mostly originated by jewelry companies – originally the point was to give your new fiancée something personal, like a ring with a gemstone in her favorite color, or a locket, or a bracelet, or whatever it was that she most wanted. I personally did not want a diamond ring.

    Now, I have a completely stunning ring custom made of cherry and walnut wood especially for me. My fiance actually wears a matching ring, too, and their personal value is what makes them valuable to me. Guess what? They cost $200 on Etsy, combined! And we got to design them ourselves and everything.

    A ring doesn’t have to be a stand-in to be cheap. Sometimes you can find exactly what you wanted in a very surprising place, and it’ll be much cheaper and make you much happier than the more “traditional” approach to engagement rings.

    That all said, no, I don’t think you need a ring to be engaged. Plenty of cultures don’t do that, and in most cultures men don’t wear a ring anyway. Why, then, should the woman necessarily wear one, either? It’s an emotional and mental commitment, not a material one. Put your money where it matters more, I say.

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Post # 67
    Member
    6111 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    @LemonyItch:  As long as the couple agrees that they are engaged, sans proposal/ring, then they are engaged.  It has to be mutual.  If you are OK with it then that is fine, you just both have to be aware and OK with it.  Just think of all the cultures that don’t do engagement rings.  There are plenty!

     

    I was engaged before, and I had no proposal or ring either.  I was 25 at the time.  We decided to get married (he needed my health insurance) and we got married 3 days later.  I would hardly call it engaged actually.  I divorced him later on.  It was not a smart move, but had nothing to do with a ring or no ring.

     

    When I was dating again, I told my now H that I really wanted a ring and a proposal.  That was just me and that’s what I wanted at that point.

    I don’t have a wedding band.  My e-ring is my only ring and I’m married.  Some LDS (Mormon) couples don’t use rings.  They are not used in their ceremonies in temples, even if they wore rings.  They consider them earthly things and their marriages believe in eternity.

    Post # 68
    Member
    15 posts
    Newbee

    I am in this same position! We thought he’d be able to finance my ring but they won’t even order it until it’s 1/2 paid for. We are planning a wedding for May 2013 and that was decided January 2013!! So plans are happening without my ring… he suggested a stand in a couple days ago and it kind of hurt my feelings because I’s suggested to look more for something affordable and he told me no! Now suddenly I have to get a stand in ring!?

     

    But as the OP stated he could put a twist tie on my finger I just want to marry that man.. I think the feeling just comes from having invisioned everything happening one way and it not panning out. I chose a ring from Overstock.com for under $400 

    Post # 69
    Member
    4687 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

    I also support the idea of a stand in ring. Have you SEEN the gorgeous CZ rings on amazon? Haha they’re nicer than my e-ring!!! I actually bought a fake one from overstock.com while I was getting my ring fixed and EVERYONE thinks it’s real!

    I do respect that you value your rescue dog more than jewels on your finger. Props to you, girl!

    Post # 70
    Member
    55 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    You can definitely be engaged without a ring–it’s the commitment that counts!  On the other hand, though, if you want a ring, you have options. 

    My fiance proposed without a ring–see my profile picture!  He tied some kite string around my finger, and I wore it for two weeks while we waited for the ring that we’d picked out to be resized.  Everybody thought my string ring was REALLY cute. 😀

    I realize that this is different from your situation.  But wearing a string ring/ a bottle cap/etc.  is an option that can buy you some time while you save a little bit for the ring.

    Also, I wanted to say that when we were looking at rings, I saw a REALLY pretty sterling silver diamond ring for $99 at Kay Jewelers.  I almost picked it, actually, but my Fiance made grumbly noises about wanting to get a gold band.  (I think that the fact that he’d been previously engaged to a woman who later broke it off with him had something to do with this–he didn’t want to feel like he’d spent WAY more on her ring than mine.  So, with the manly ego in mind, I picked a ring that was a couple hundred more, but was still really reasonably priced.)  Anyway, my point is: If you can put aside just $10/week, you can have a real ring in 10 weeks.  If you can put away $20/week, you can have it in only 5 weeks.  And, if you wanted a larger ring with a gold band a year or two down the road, I know that most jewelers have a trade-in policy.

    Sending you good thoughts–I hope that you find a solution that works for you!

    Post # 71
    Member
    322 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I don’t think there’s ANYTHING wrong with wanting the ring!! But, in order to not break the bank and to keep everyone happy, I totally agree with a stand-in! There are gorgeous CZ rings for well under $100 (I saw a GORGEOUS one for $60 today at Nordstrom!) – you could totally rock a gorgeous stand-in until you guys can afford an actual diamond (or other stone!)

    Post # 72
    Member
    894 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2015

    It really makes me sad to see how materialistic our world has become that some people won’t even consider an engagement, I.E a promise of forever committing themselves to the one they love, until there is something shiny on their finger.

     

    SO and I were faced with this dilemma and I was perfectly fine having no ring at all (gave up my dream ring to help pay for bills due to a thing that came up unexpectedly) and the only reason we looked for a temporary proposal ring at all is because SO feels like he needs something to put on my finger when he asks, even if it’s something small and inexpensive. We were lucky enough to have a guardian angel on this website come to us after reading our story and offer to give us a ring free of charge, but I would have been more than happy getting engaged without one if SO would have been up for it. I think what it is is that for so long now, a ring has been associated with when you ask that they are hard to separate in people’s minds now.

     

    I say if you and SO are both ok with him popping the question without a ring, you go girl! If not, like PP have suggested, there are LOTS of great ways to get an inexpensive proposal ring, for 100 dollars or less, trust me, I was looking too! I hope that whatever you decide, you and SO have a wonderful proposal and a long and happy life together 🙂

     

    (Oh and I totally understand the feelings of sadness behind saying that you’re ok with having no ring after expecting one. I went through that at first when I had to let go of my dream ring because I’d had it in my head so long that I was getting that ring, it was like a loss of some kind, so I do get that. I’m not saying that it makes you the bad guy or anything. BUT after some thought and realizing it was so much better for us both, I warmed up to the new idea of what I was going to be doing and then when someone was so kind, it made my new ring special.. I hope that you can find something to make this new path special to you as well.)

    Post # 73
    Member
    1397 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    A commitment is a commitment- with or without the ring.

    If you really want one, though, I agree with the PP who said get a CZ, or some other inexpensive gemstone (amethyst?) or something synthetic… or even a plain band. Before we were engaged, we talked about engagement rings made from coconut wood.  We wound up with a silver ring for him and a silver ring for me with a small sapphire and tiny diamond, both of which were affordable. 

    There are rings- BEAUTIFUL rings- and every price point. Check out amazon.com or overstock.com for good deals. :o)

    Post # 74
    Member
    12244 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I would get a CZ stand in until you guys can afford the real deal! Like a $25 one from Target or something! My mom actually has a CZ from JC Penny’s that was $50 on sale that looks pretty real! She’s had it for 6 years now (she wears it in place of her wedding bands, which are too small) and it looks GREAT! No green rings or anything.

    That way you don’t have to deal with people asking “Oh, where’s the RING!”

    Post # 75
    Member
    78 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I believe you can be engaged without a ring, however I also know that other women (not all, but many) do not feel the same way.  For example, when I was “engaged to be engaged” I told my mother and even my best friends, who all replied saying it didn’t mean anything without a ring.  From that point on, I felt that I wasn’t really engaged…  and I guess I officially wasn’t, until a few months later when he dropped down on one knee and put a ring on my finger.

     

    However, if he had dropped down to his knee and asked me to marry him even without a ring, I still would’ve thought I was engaged.  Just my two cents.

    Post # 76
    Member
    1460 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    My grandparents were married for 62 years and my grandmother never had an engagement ring.  She did have a wedding band so I’m assuming their marriage was legit even though, gauging by what some bees are saying, their engagment was a complete and total sham.  LOL

    Can you get married without first being engaged?  I don’t know how…

    The topic ‘No ring proposal/engagement’ is closed to new replies.

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